Human Wreckage [01]

It's now 2004, and I moved up to San Francisco, so I'm alone. Bob's out touring with The Used right now, which I'm not a big fan of, but they're alright. I don't work at Reprise anymore. I've been up here in northern California working with smaller record companies, and helping out with sound. I haven't talked with Frank since before I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love came out. I guess it's better that way, I don't really want to hear about Gerard. I've moved on, for the most part. I've dated a few people, but I just don't feel like I want to date. I know I'm in my late twenties, but it doesn't seem to phase me that I'm single, and living alone.

A knock sounded from the door, and I got up with a sigh. I knew exactly who it was; the landlord. I opened the door, and sure enough.

"We've gone bankrupt," was the first thing from his mouth.

"What?"

He nodded. "I'm sorry. Everyone has 1 week to fully move out."

"I have no where to go!" I shouted.

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I didn't even know how bad it was until the bank called me," he stated.

"I'll try to find a place,"I said, and he gave me another apologetic look before moving on to the people next door.

I slammed the door, and slid down it. "Fuck!" I screamed.

I didn't have a great income, and I didn't know what I could do. Billie? No, I'd be intruding. Mike? Maybe, but his girlfriend hates me. Tre? Yes, but, there was no but. I grabbed my cell phone, and quickly found Tre's number in my contacts.

"Hello?" he said, it was clear he'd just woken up.

"Tre?"

"Who is this?" he groaned.

"Bella," I said.

"Oh! Hi, what's up?"

"I'm getting kicked out of my apartment, and I have no place to stay," I said, hoping he was awake enough to understand.

"Do you need a place to stay?" he asked, becoming a little aware.

"Yes."

"Yeah, come on over," he said.

"Thank you so much Tre!"

"You're welcome," he said with a smile.

I already had all of my things in boxes, and I didn't really care about some things, so those all got thrown away when I had moved in with Bob. I had 4 boxes, and they all fit in my car, and I immediately headed over to Tre's.

"Hi," Tre said, as he opened the door.

"Thank you so much. I promise I won't be here long," I said.

"It's fine. We're going on tour in a few days, so I won't be here much," he said as he helped me with boxes.

"Really?"

He nodded. "We're going out with MCR," he said. I never told him or the rest of the guys that my ex boyfriend was in a band. I know Bob knew, but I hadn't heard from him for 6 months, and that was before Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge came out.

"That's cool. They're a really good band," I said.

"Yeah they are. You should come to our show," he said. "I'll tell Billie to get you a ticket."

I smiled. "Thanks. You guys are way too nice to me."

He shook his head. "No, we're just gentlemen."

I laughed, making him smile.

"I've got a spare bedroom downstairs," he said starting to go down the stairs. "Follow me my dear."

"Okay honey," I smiled, following him carefully.

I got settled for the night, and Tre called Billie, and got me a ticket and backstage pass for their show tomorrow night. To be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to seeing Gerard. I didn't even know if he would recognize me. I'd completely changed my wardrobe, I no longer had black hair, and I'd lost quite a bit of weight. There was only one person I knew that would recognize me anywhere; Frank.

I jerked out of reminiscing as my cell phone rang loudly throughout Tre's silent basement. I grabbed it, and saw Bob's number appear. "Hey!" I exclaimed.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I haven't talked to you in a long time," he said, his voice very quiet on the other end.

"Why are you so quiet?" I asked, talking silently myself.

"I don't want to wake anybody," he said.

"Where the fuck are you?"

"MCR tour bus," he stated. "Yeah, I know what you're going to say."

"You're in the band?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Yeah,I took Matt's place," he stated.

I cringed at Matt's name. I'd completely blocked out all memories of him, and now, now they were there plain as day. The booklet with the CD's brought back a few memories, but I put a post-it over his face on both CD's.

"That's cool," I said. "How's Gerard?"

"Not so good," he said, now in a whisper.

"Who are you talking to?" I heard someone in the background saying.

"My mom," he replied.

I laughed. "Nice cover."

"Thanks," he laughed.

"Please don't tell anyone you know me, because I don't want Frank asking about me, or Gerard for that matter," I said, my voice carrying a hint of sadness.

He sighed, "Don't worry I won't. They've said a few things about you, but I figured you didn't want me to say anything."

"Thank you so much," I said gratefully.

"You're not going to like me saying this, but Gerard is a complete alcoholic," he said, with a frown on his face.

I nodded to myself. "I know. Frank told me the last time I talked to him, I'll try to talk to Gerard tomorrow night."

"You are coming to our show?" he asked, surprised.

"Duh, I know Green Day," I said accusingly.

"I didn't know you kept in touch," he said.

"I'm at Tre's right now. I got fucking evicted from my apartment," I said, now getting pissed off.

"I told you, you could stay at the apartment," he said.

"I know, I know," I said laying down on the bed and staring at the dark ceiling. "I didn't want to stay with Reprise, because of MCR being there, and I hated LA with a fucking passion."

"I completely understand," he said laughing. "Shit, I've got to go. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night," I said, and he quickly hung up.

I sighed, and threw my phone on the charger. I laid back and slowly fell asleep.

"Wake up!" Tre shouted.

"What the fuck!" I screamed, as I looked at the clock; 7:00 a.m.

"We're going to Billie's to meet with MCR," he said excitedly.

"You go, I'll meet them tonight, okay?" I said, and curled the blanket over my head, and fell back to sleep, as Tre shut the door without a word.

I woke up later in the day, and quick got ready before Tre got home, if he did come home. I got my bag ready for tonight, and sat on the living room couch wondering what to do next. I hadn't been this flustered about an event in ages. I didn't know what I was going to say to any of them, but Bob of course. I heard the front door open, and then not just Tre's voice, a set of voices.

"Bella," Tre said, as he walked into the living room.

"Yeah," I replied, pretending to find something in my purse.

"Did you know Bob is now in MCR?" he asked, as Bob appeared behind him.

"Yeah," I smiled. "I just talked to him last night."

"Oh," he said. "Do you guys want something to drink?"

"Water," I said politely with a smile.

"Nah," Bob said, "I'm good."

Tre nodded, and went into the kitchen.

"Wow, so this isn't weird," Bob laughed.

"No not at all," I smiled, and patted a seat next to myself.

He sat down, and looked at me carefully. "You don't look healthy," he said, in a friendly way.

I frowned. "You don't think I know that?"

He shrugged. "You just look emaciated. Do you eat anymore?" he asked, now accusingly.

"Of course I eat, but I couldn't afford a lot after awhile," I said with a sigh.

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked. "You could of had the apartment for awhile."

I shrugged, and frowned. "I don't know, I guess I didn't want to bother you."

"Bell, if you call me, you won't bother me. I care about you, and I want you to be healthy," Bob said putting his hand onmy knee.

"Thanks," I said with a slight smile.

"Here you go Bell," Tre said handing me a glass of water.

"Thanks," I replied.

We all sat and talked about what was going to go on tonight. I decided I'd go later, and mosh with the audience, and then join them after the show. Tre told me that Billie had talked with security, and they wouldn't hesitate to let me backstage. I still had to have my backstage pass, but they knew who I was, at least from Billie's description. I just really hoped that Gerard wouldn't find me in the crowd. Billie got me a secondrow ticket on the floor, and I had a feeling he would be keeping an eye onme through the show.

I took a deep breath and grabbed the door handle of Tre's house, and made my ventureoutside to my car. I openedmy car door, and found an envelope sitting on my passenger seat. I opened it and found my ticket and my backstage pass tucked inside. This was it, I decided, I really couldn't just not go. Billie was expecting me to be backstage after the show.I really hoped Billie wouldn't introduce me to the band, considering I knew them all. I backed out of the driveway, and put the car slowly in drive, and drove off. When I pulled to theparking lot, it was PACKED. I pulled around to theback of the arena, and found a few spots where the bands were supposed topark, but I'd risk having my car towed away, rather than dealing with a crowded parking lot. I pulled into a spot next to Billie's BMW, and quick took adeep breath, and got quickly out of the car, as I saw someone coming out of the MCR tour bus. I nearly ran around to the front of the arena, and was out ofbreath by the timeI reached thegroup of ticket scalpers.

"Need tickets?" onehissed at me.

Ijust kept walking, and ignoredevery single one I passed. Getting up to the frontdoor was an obstacle. I budged quite a few people, but they didn't seem to notice. I handed my ticket tothe ticket ripper, and walked through the spinning spikes.

"Main floor, enter in the E door, to the left," she said, handing me my stub.

"Thanks," I said, as I walked toward the letters labeled D, E, F.

"Which row are you in?" the usher asked, as I walked up to door E.

"Two," I said, and handed him my ticket stub.

He nodded and handed it back. "Go on in, and find a spot. Don't worry about the row, doesn't matter anymore, first come first row," he said with a smile.

"Thanks," I said with a smile, and headed down, close to the stage, and waited for 7 o'clock to roll around. I watched people travel on and off stage, carrying various cords with them, and hooking up amps and microphones.

After awhile I looked around, and was surprised to see how many people weresurrounding me. I zoned out of reality way too much these days. I held my breath as the overhead lights slowlybegan to dim out, and the stage go completely black.

"Hello," Gerard said slowly."We areMy Chemical Romance, and we'd like to sing a few songs for you tonight. Please, doenjoy," he said, and the lights camecenter stage, revealing only him.The first chords blew out of the amps, and the lights lit the whole stage revealing Bob on thedrums, Mikey on bass, wow he'schanged so much, I thought to myself, then Ray andFrank onguitars. I finallystarted tobreathe as I realized the chords were toThe Jetset Lifeis Gonna KillYou.

I sang along word for word, and song for song. It was an amazing show, and I was stillin awe when their set was over with. Billie then took the stage, and started out with American Idiot. By the time GreenDay finished with their own performances, I could hardly talk. My throat was raw, andswallowing hurt extremely bad. Once theshow was over, a lot of people headed out, and I was one of them. I followed the backstage signs, and threw my backstage pass on. I pushed my way throughall of the crazy fans, and when the guard sawme he immediately found my arm, and pulled me through the open velvet rope.

"Thank you," Isaid as best as I could.

He nodded, and then turned his attention to the crowd once more.

I followed the hallway, and found Billie's dressing room, andknocked lightly.

"Yeah!" heyelled.

"It's me!" I croaked.

He opened the door and smiled. "Hey, come in!" he said, opening the door wider.

I flopped down on the couch, and smiled. "Great show,"I said, my voice extremely hoarse.

He laughed, "Do you want some water?"

I nodded. "Please. I sang way too much," I sighed.

Billie grinned, and handed me a bottle of water. "I'm glad you sang. I could hear you all the way on stage," he stated.

"Shut up, no you couldn't," I said, rolling my eyes, as I took a swig of water.

"I could for one song," he said with a serious face.

"Waiting," I said, lifting an eyebrow.

He nodded. "Nobody really likes that song, some people just like the meaning behind it. But, I know you, you really deeply like it, because you've been to hell and back," he said, sitting down next to me.

"That is very true," I said with a slight smile. "You want to know something I've never told you?"

He looked at me. "I'm intrigued."

"I know every guy in MCR," I said, feeling like I needed to get it off my chest before he introduced me to them.

"Really?"

I nodded. "I went to school with them," I stated finishing off the bottle of water.

"Interesting, they've never mentioned you," Billie said tracing the creases in the leather on the couch.

"I lost contact after their first album released," I said, frowning slightly.

"Maybe we should go see what they're up to," he suggested.

I looked at him wide-eyed. "I-I haven't talked to them in like 3 years!" I exclaimed.

He shrugged. "Who cares? We'll just go, and have a drink or two," he said getting up from the couch, and extending a hand to help me up.

I took his hand, and got up and reluctantly followed him out into the lounge. We found Bob and Tre sitting with bottles of water in hand. Bob smiled, and waved as we approached, and I did the same back at him.

"Great show," I said to the both of them.

"Thanks Bella," Bob said.

"Thanks roomie," Tre said with a large smile.

"Roomie?" Billie asked, looking at me.

I smiled hesitantly. "Uhh," I tried to think of something to say, but there was nothing to explain.

"Bella didn't have a place to stay," Tre explained for me.

"Oh," Billie said, slightly confused. "I thought you had an apartment?"

"I did, but I got kicked out, my landlord went bankrupt," I said, looking at my cell phone for the time; 10:55 pm.

"That blows," Mike said, as he walked in through the door.

"No shit," I replied, moving to take a seat next to Bob. "I've got absolutely no money, and I have a feeling I'm going to get fired from my job."

"I've got an idea," Mike said, and quickly walked over, and sat down beside me. "What if you worked for us?"

"What? Like a whore?" I asked appalled by the thought.

Tre nearly choked on his water, and made all of us laugh.

"No!" Mike exclaimed. "Like an assistant."

"A whore?" I said once again.

"Bella shut up, no, I mean like helping us with the set, and selling merch, and what not," Mike said, looking at Billie, and Tre for approval. I looked at them too, and they both nodded.

I smiled. "Yeah," I paused, "but how much?"

Mike shrugged. "I think we can figure that out, when we see how good of a job you do," he stated.

I grinned. "Okay, yeah, I'll take that job," I said excitedly.

"You start once we hit the road on Monday," Mike stated, shaking my hand, to make the deal official.

"Sounds good," I replied.

"Billie!" someone shouted from the doorway. I knew the voice, and quickly turned my body toward the bar.

"What do I do?" I asked Bob in a very hush whisper.

"Don't worry," he whispered. "You'll be fine. It's just like the old days."

I knew it was not like the old days. In the old days I would have gone hunting for all of the MCR dressing rooms, but in the 'new' days I tried my best to stay hidden. Right now, right now I was in the wide open. I felt like a gazelle in a vast open prairie with lions surrounding any exits.

"Bob, wow you found a fan!" Frank's voice said as it became louder, as he moved closer to the bar.

"Yeah," he said lightly.

I felt a hand come down on my shoulder, and Frank unwillingly turned me around on the stool. His eyes grew wide, and a smile formed on his lips. I bit my lip ring, and Frank's smile became even bigger at this movement. Without thinking he pulled me into a hug. I returned it, and I knew why to. I really truly missed him, and now with him right here it was like the hole in my chest was slowly beginning to close.

"Hi Bella," he smiled as he pulled out of the hug.

I managed to smile back. "Hi Frank," I replied.

"I'm sorry I haven't called you in ages," he said with a frown. "It's been really hectic. Gerard finally got sober, and I had to keep a close eye on him, and I figured if he knew that I was calling you he'd relapse."

I nodded. "I know, it's fine. I just really, really missed you," I said as he took a seat at the stool next to me.

"I missed you too," he said. "Jersey wasn't the same after you left, and now, well now it's just New Jersey."

I laughed slightly. "I wish I wouldn't have left, because now my life is a wreck," I said with a loud sigh.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his hazel eyes were soft and caring.

I shrugged. "Just about everything," I replied. "I've got no money, and I was forced to move in with Tre."

Frank frowned, "Bells that sucks."

"Hey Frank where—" Mikey walked through the doors and when he saw me he stopped mid sentence. "Bella?"

I smiled. "Guilty as charged."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, dumbfounded at the fact that I was there, sitting in front of him.

I laughed, "I went to the show."

"Wow," he said, and blinked for a few seconds, just to make sure I wasn't a mirage.

I smiled. "How are you Mikey?" I asked, with a smile.

"Good, I can't believe you're here. I thought I would never see you again!" Mikey exclaimed.

"I thought the same thing, but now we're in the same room," I said, and froze as Gerard walked in the room. I lowered my voice and whispered, "Does Gee remember anything?"

"Of course he does!" Frank exclaimed in a hushed tone.

"Shit," I mumbled, as Gerard walked over and sat down next to Frank.

"Hey Gee," Mikey said.
"Hi Mikes," Gerard replied.

"You want a Diet Coke?" the bartender asked.

"Sure," Gerard said with a shrug.

"What's wrong?" Frank asked, spinning over to face Gerard.

"I'm just really tired, I should have slept this afternoon," he said, and rested his head on the table. I was trying my best to pay attention to what Bob, and Tre were talking about, but I knew exactly what happened before it did. Gerard spotted me.

"Is that?" Gerard asked, and I knew he'd politely pointed at me.

Frank and/or Mikey, I figured nodded.

"Bella," I heard Gerard whisper quietly to himself. I turned slightly, and looked at him, he looked at me, his hazel eyes were filled with intensity. I smiled slightly, and he couldn't do anything but look at me.

"Say something," Frank said, and slapped him on the back.

Gerard blinked, just like Mikey, and was astonished that I was actually there in front of him.

"Hi Gerard," I said quietly.

Mikey just laughed at his brother's expression.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Gerard managed to ask.

"I went to the show," I said, as calmly as I could.

He started to realize I hadn't changed at all, besides a few things here and there, but he began to loosen up. "What did you think?" he asked.

"You sucked ass," I said sarcastically.

"Fuck you," he laughed. "Glad you liked it. I didn't know if you'd liked us at all. I was afraid you didn't get the first CD that I sent you."

"I love it," I said, as he scooted closer when Frank got up from in between the two of us. "Drowning Lessons, is my favorite."

He smiled. "I figured you'd like that one. Do you like Demolition Lovers?" He wondered.

I nodded. "It's about me," I said in a whisper.

"Damn, you're good," he laughed.

"Hand in mine, into your icy blues, isn't hiding it very well," I smiled.

He shrugged. "I tried. What about Three Cheers? Did you buy it?"

"Fuck yes!" I said a bit too loudly. "Why didn't you call me about your grandma?"

Gerard frowned. "I didn't even think about it. I'm sorry Bells."

I waved it away. "It's fine, don't worry. I love Helena, Elena would be so proud of you if she saw how far you've made it," I said resting my head against my hand, as I looked at him.

He nodded, and played with a loose string on his shirt. "Yeah, yeah she would," he smiled.

"Bella Mason?" Ray asked as he walked toward Gerard.

"Hi Ray," I smiled.

"How are you?" he asked, extremely happy to see me.

"Okay," I said with a shrug. "You?"

"Pretty good," he smiled.

"That's good," I said.

"I'll let you two keep on catching up, I'll talk with you later," he said, and went over by Billie and Mike.

I looked at Gerard who was mesmerized, he was staring at me.

I laughed, "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing," he said with a slight smile.

"I missed you so much," I mumbled.

His eyes brightened. "I missed you too Bella," he said. I forgot how sweet it was for him to say my name. I missed his smile, his eyes, his voice, and especially his touch. I didn't know how much I'd missed him until this very moment. Being with him was like a wave of relief.

His arms enclosed around me, and mine around him. The warmth of his body was comforting, and his cheek against my hair. The smell of sweat, and cologne stuck to his skin, and I breathed deeply before he released me.

I didn't want to let go, but I did, because I didn't want to seem desperate. "I'm sorry I let you go," hequiet andapologetically.

I looked at him, and saw the sincerity in his eyes. "Really?"

He nodded. "I wouldn't have brought you down, if things would have gotten bad, I should have just let youdecide," he sighed.

I grabbed his hand, and made him look in my eyes. "It's fine, we're in thepresent now. Don't worry about the past, it's behind us," I said.

He contemplated and nodded. "You'reright. I alwaysgo over what I've done, I should be looking at what I can do," he said, rubbing his thumb overthe top of my hand like he used to do.

I watched his thumb, andsmiled. "Guess what?"

"What?" he asked,as I looked up at him.

"I'll be on tour with you,"I smiled.

"No you're not," he said, thinking I was joking.

Ismiled. "Yes I am, I am officially a worker of the Green Day crew," I stated.

"Congrats," he smiled.

"You don't seemhappy that I'll be there," I said frowning.

He looked up at me and chuckled. "I am happy, I'm just extremely tired. Sorry if it isn't showing, but I really want to sleep."

"Why don't I drive you over to Tre's and you can crash there?" I suggested.

"Sure," he said, and helped me off the stool.

I walked over to Tre and said, "Is it okay if Gerard crashes atyour place?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll be back around midnight," he said, and then turned back toBob.

"Let's go," I said, his hand still connectedwithmine.

I towed him out to my car, which was, thankfully, still there.Gerard crawled into the passenger seat, and I in the driver's.

"Nice car," he stated, with ahint of sarcasm.

"Yeah, it's a piece of shit, it's all I can afford," I said,backing out of the parking space.

"If it gets you place to place it works," Gerard said as he reclined the seat back.

"Very true," I said, and headed towards Tre's house.

I pulled into the driveway, and gently woke Gerard up. "We're here," I whispered.

He grumbled, and putthe seat in its original position, thengot out of the car, and met me at the front door. I unlocked the door, and let him in.

"Holy shit," he said, looking around as I turned the light on.

I laughed, "I thought the same thing."

"I didn't think Tre lived in a place like this," he said.

I didn't reply to that, but instead asked, "Do you need pajamas?"

He shook his head. "I'll just sleep in my boxers."

"You sure?"

He nodded. "I'll be fine."

"Okay," I said, and went downstairs, figuring he'd follow me, which he did. "I think the couch is a pull out bed."

"I'll just sleep on the couch it's self, I don't feel like dealing with bars, and a two inch mattress," he stated.

"I know exactly what you mean," I said, and tossed him a blanket and two pillows.

He smiled, at me. "You remembered two pillows," he said.

"Like I could forget that," I stated, and walked over to the couch. "You'd always bitch at me if I forgot."

He grinned. "I didn't think you'd remember stuff like that," he said as I sat down beside him.

"I remember everything," I stated.

He looked me straight in the eyes, his hazel eyes burning with affection. "Me too, and I miss it."