Bittersweet taste of William Beckett on your lips

1st and 2nd period were hard to focus through. Come lunch, I didn’t want to sit in the cafe for fear of seeing William so; I sat outside, in the cold, under a huge, beautiful tree with Mike. As he plays his guitar like he always does, I study the tree. It was twisted and gnarled, but beautiful. Over the years, children, teenagers and adults have carved into the dark chestnut bark, their initials, symbols, names, lyrics, it was amazing. The tree had so much history; it had seen so much and had the scars from the soldiers who had seen it with it. The snow cascading down the tree makes it seem so magical. I wrap my jacket around me tighter and zip it up. I listen intently to what Mike is playing and start to sing along, making up lyrics as I go. He looks up and smiles at me because we both know how horrible I am at singing but when I sing softly like I am, it doesn’t matter. It just seems to flow out of us.

Hollywood hills and suburban thrills,
hey you, who are you kidding?

Mike stops playing and frowns, he’s looking behind me. I stop singing and slowly look behind me. Bill stands awkwardly over top of us and half smiles.

“Can I join?” Mike looks at me and I look back and give a half nod to him, I’m still in shock. Why is Bill here? After this morning I was sure he would never talk to me. To be honest, I sort of planned on it. Mike glares at Bill before speaking.

“Sit.”

“Jasey, I’m sorry, can we just be friends?” When he looks at me, his eyes look so sad. His big, brown, puppy dog eyes look like I locked him out in the rain and he just wants in. I put my hand on his shoulder and nod.

“Mike play, Beckett sing.” I command the two of them. Mike gives me a weird look, I give him a reassuring smile and he starts to strum. William looks at me and smiles. I smile back and mouth one word, the only thing he can do to make everything better, sing.

Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you,
'cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.
And near death, last breath, and barely hanging on.
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?

Mike stops playing. William stops looking at me and looks at him, I follow his gaze. Mike eyes had grown dark while Bill sang and now he looks about ready to kill him. His hand grips the guitar handle.

“Leave.” He stares straight at William.

“Mike what?” I search his face looking for an answer but all I see is angry and hatred.

“Bill, Leave. Please.” He says coldly. Bill looks down at his lap and stands up and walks away.

“Mike, what the hell was that? You just sent him away!” Mike looks at me and his eyes start to soften. He lets go of the guitar and takes my hands and grips them tightly so I can’t pull away.

“Jase, he sings that to Christine.”

“What? How do you know? You’re not even friends with him!” I can feel myself going redder and redder.

“I’m friends with Christine’s cousin. He says William sings this little thing when Christine finally stops yelling at him. I’m sure that’s what it is. I can’t let him hurt you Jasey, not again.” He pulls me into him and kisses my forehead. The weird thing with Mike is he’s never like my boyfriend. Maybe that’s why we’re not officially dating. He’s more my best friend than anything else. We never kiss, not like other couples. He kisses my forehead or my cheek and vice versa. It’s more a comfort thing than anything else. He rubs his hands up and down my arms. I look up at him.

“Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you feel about me?” Mike frowns and gives me a very strange look.

“What do you mean Jasey? You know I think you are cute, sweet, and adorable-“

“But am I someone you can fall in love with?”

“Maybe.” He stops rubbing my arms and just places his hands on my wrists.

“Maybe? Maybe isn’t enough Mike.” I sit up and place myself right in front of him, sitting on my knees. I look him straight in the eyes. “Maybe isn’t enough but the truth is, we both feel this way and I know it.”

“You’re right, it isn’t enough and to be perfectly honest. Jase I care about you, I really do but, not the way we are both looking for. You are more like my little sister.” He looks at me to make sure I’m ok.

“Yeah, I know what you mean because you are more like my big brother. I love you, but not that way.” I kiss his cheek and give him a big hug then laugh. “Friends?”

“Of course Jasey, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He hugs me and laughs. We sit for the rest of lunch together, me singing horribly and him playing beautifully, just like always only this time it sounds a little better because we are both so much more comfortable with each other.

I'm missing you to death, but it's all for the best, I know.