Chapter 18, The beginning of the end?
The next morning, you awoke with a headache, your face felt tight from the tears which had dried.
Still In yesterdays clothing, you felt exausted,sick,depressed and so alone.
Should I leave?
You questioned yourself in your head, you couldn't possibly imagine staying there after everything that happened last night, you had kept the pregnancy from Severus only until you knew what to say, scared he would not want the child, but in not telling him, it had made it worse for yourself when he did find out, he had branded you a liar,a back stabber, and Severus was not a man to change his mind. You loved him dearly, you felt for him how he had felt for Lily. You had hurt him, just as she had.
You didn't know whether to be angry at him or at yourself.
It's so hopeless, you sighed, fresh tears falling silently from your red,puffy eyes.
You mustered up some of the very little strength you had left in pulling yourself up from the floor, and began packing up your belongings, you just couldn't stay at Hogwarts now, not after this.
After 2 hours when all your things had been packed aside from your note pad and a pen, you seated yourself at the desk in your room and began to write a note.
Dear Professor Albus Dumbledore
It is with great regret I have made the decision to step down from my duty as assistant to Professor Snape, Due to personal differences.
I Feel I can no longer stay within the walls of this great school.
So I have decided to take my leave.
Deepest Apologies
Yours Sincerely
You left it in your room, knowing someone would find it and deliver it to Albus sooner or later.
You looked around your room one last time before closing the door and walking sorrowfully to the exit, Leaving the grounds, where a coach pulled by thestrals were waiting for you.
You boarded the coach and left Hogwarts, never to return.
When the pulled up at the train station in which your train would leave from, you went over to the platform, and stood awaiting the train, the heavy rain falling heavily from the sky, you still had silent tears falling from your eyes, but the falling rain hid them well, No one could see, even if there were anyone around to see.
You waited,waited and waited, it rained rained and rained, you had been waiting for almost 4 hours, You had no idea how much longer you had to wait, you had no idea when the train was due, or indeed if there were a train.
It was freezing cold and near dark.
You sat silently, with Severus' harsh words from the night before playing over and over in your head, making you cry even more.
You could no longer take it, you opened up your case and felt around inside for a small,hard case, When you had found it, you opened it up and took out a small silver thing, which glistened even more than often as the rain fell on it creating little,shiny,wet,transparent orbs.
You pulled up the left sleeve of your coat, slowly moved the object closer to your arm when you felt the cold shiny metal brush against the delicate flesh of your arm, you inched it away, then pushed it down forcefully dragging it across your skin, harder,harder,harder, beginning slow, and dazed, then your mind froze, as if you were in a trance, you picked up speed until you were thrashing it against your skin wildly, making the think red blood spit into all directions.
When you got your conscious back and realised what you had just done, you stopped.
You had lost so much blood, everything seemed to fade out into blackness.
