- *Remember the Cherry Blossoms* - Part 1: losing you

I'm standing atop this hill, feeling rain against my skin, measuring time in the silver chil which pulls itself through my fingers, my lungs. A blackened storm rages behind my vision, and the emotions, barbed like frayed steel, pulse in writhing curls through my veins.
It's raining, and I scream--
Your name, over and over...and over...again...it's whiplash against my face, cracking when I gulp for air, the taste of smoke and faded flower petals. The cherry tree behind me--its blossoms stick to my skin, catching in my lashes.
Our names are there, still. Back then, we were forever. Those initials are alien now, and they are withered and bruised, traced through with a year's worth of age. The sky heaves; thunder tumbles with the slash of rain, and I rest my cheek against the clammy bark, thinking how, no matter how pretty the blossoms are, this tree would never have cherries suspended between its branches.
What a stupid thought.
The tears fall. Or maybe it's the rain.
The blossoms are washed up against the verring tire tracks, thrown up by his car the day his foot slipped off the brake. I stare as the clumps wilt and turn at the bottom of the hill and remember from last year, the flurry of petals turning with the breeze as we scratched our names into the bark. Beginning there, we were awkward, but we expressed faintly what we could not say, sitting in silence between the branches, our fingrs intertwined.
I never told him I loved him.
The pain claws at the sky, seeking for a connection-- but he isn't in the wind which tosses my voice away.
Weeks
Using an old ink pen, I filled my paper with his name.
The next day, I turned it in as an essay, snaking the tip of my finger to spell his name through the grains of wood on my desk as I did so; rubbing it raw amid the stares. Nathaniel, Nathaniel...
The girl next to me smirks, her eyes narrowed. "This isn't interpretive are, dumb@ss." There's a bruised blot on the end of my finger where the nib of the pen split, trailing rotten cavaties across the page. The dried ink lines the insde of my nail and the creases of my skin. I shake my head against the flare of her voice, dragging the blackened finger harder against the surface of my desk, dissolving the traces of her words as well. Nathaniel. NathanielNathaniel...
The class is silent, and my ears ring. Why are they staring? It's only an ink blot.
Nathaniel. NathanielNathanielNathaniel...
My finger burns, and crimson streaks smear across the desktop. Behind me, something clatters against the floor; a striped hand grabs my wrist, jerking it up to my face. A thing splatter of red arcs silently past my fac,e each spiraling globe descending in a smooth crest. Against the fluorescent light, they fall like liquid sparks, and te image of cherries flashes briefly inside their glow.
The last school bell rings, sinking underneath the bottoms of my feet.
NathanielNathanielNathanielNathaniel...