The raindrops glistened on the tree tips as I walked past them into a little clearing on a cold December night. The moon was high in the sky; it illuminated the bare trees like a nightlight that you'd find in a 4 year olds room. It was a starless night as I walked toward my secret clearing. The clearing sat by a little river in the middle of the forest. There were random patches of dirt in the pure white snow, from the sun coming out and melting it. As I walked on, towards the middle of the clearing, I listened to the quiet crunching of the snow beneath my feet. I stopped and lifted my head to look around me. It was silent and the events of the past year started flooding my mind. Soon I was drowning in the nightmares I call my memories. I quickly shut my eyes, trying to block out the images and voices. Tears started rolling down my frost bitten cheeks. I choked back my sob. I held in these tears this whole year I will not let them fall now.
But the force of my tears was to strong and I let a sob rip through my throat. I fell to the ground on my knees, trembling. This was my last year at my elementary school. I'd be going to high school next year and I was suppose to go with all my friends. This year was supposed to go by smoothly. With inside jokes, laughs till tears fell from our eyes. We were all supposed to go together. But we're not.
"It's not fair! It's just not fair!" I screamed, hugging myself, "It's just not fair."
I whispered the last part. Letting more held back tears fall down my face. I was hurt, betrayed, forgotten, used, heart broken, made fun of. I hurt myself physically and mentally. I didn't have more then 2 peas at dinner every night. Hoping to get noticed at school by him.
And my friends. If you could call them friends. One friend doesn't think I understand what she's going through. And maybe I don't. The other just dropped me and my friend for her. Like we were nothing. The third friend? He made fun of me for doing something I wanted to do. What kind of friends are those?
All year I had to fake a smile when I wanted to frown. I had to laugh out loud and cry silently inside. I had to look happy and act like nothing has been going on. Like I didn't have to fight my own demons. I always cried. I always showed that I was weak. So I stopped. I stopped crying. I stopped asking for help. I acted fine. I was there for everyone else and no one was ever there for me.
I looked at the white snow and held myself tighter. I let out a sob and just one tear. I was going to end this. I stood up as a cold wind hit my tear stained face. I took off my jacket and stood there for a few moments. Trying to clear my head.
'You can't do it. You can't do anything. You're just a weak girl. You were too weak to block me out so I took over your mind. I made you do things you weren't proud of. I made you starve for attention.' A voice hissed in my mind. I could hear the triumphant smirk on its non-existent face.
"Shut up." I said through gritted teeth
'Face it. Your just a little cry baby girl. Who can't do anything right! ' The voice let out an evil chuckle.
The laugh echoed through my mind. I grabbed my head, closed my eyes, and doubled over, screaming. I screamed and screamed. It felt good to scream. And when I thought that couldn't scream any more I kept screaming. My scream echoed and bounced off the bare trees. I stood up and walked over to the river, a blank expression on my face.
I jumped into the freezing cold water and let it go over my head. My clothes quickly became heavy and started pulling me down. I opened my eyes and looked up. The moonlight hit the water and made it shimmer. The light stated to get smaller and my vision blurred. I was drowning but it didn't feel like it. I wanted this to end now! I opened my mouth and water rushed into my lungs. I started sinking lower, into the darkness…
