Without disguise

- Don’t you dare to give up! – Yumi and Mel said in unison.

- I wasn’t going to! – I resented.

- Be strong! – Annie added.

- I will, - I murmured uncertainly. I had no idea of what to do. I only knew I had to make Jake see things my way, explain myself – prove to him somehow that I did love him! And I was determined to do so.

But very soon I found out it wasn’t that easy. He wasn’t avoiding me. I mean – how can you possibly avoid someone who is in your own class. But every time I caught his eyes he would look at me with such cold negligent expression – that way he could as well look at the empty chair. Every time I tried to talk to him he didn’t bother to answer me – except when we happened to pair for the lesson (which unfortunately didn’t happen too often). And even in that case our conversations didn’t go further than the task we were given demanded.

My friends were there for me trying to comfort me: Javi and Chris - saying that a jerk like him didn’t deserve a girl like me - and girls and Yumi – convinced that he just needed some time and love like his couldn’t just fade away that easily. It was rather pleasant to think time would heal it…

But in a couple of days – barely a week since dad’s birthday – Jake made it up with Vallery! I was so shocked to find it out. So soon?! Somehow it didn’t come into my mind that it was even worse when he left her for me. It just seemed so wrong that –while my heart was bursting with pain and his “it’s over” haunted me everywhere I went – he recovered so rapidly!

- Guess what? – Val sang happily as she burst into the room (she remained my roommate – unfortunately), - Jakey said he wants me back!

I strained every nerve to arrange my face into an impenetrable mask – not very effectively, I suppose, as Val smirked self-sufficiently and went on:

- Yes, and he said he never really loved you – he only fooled around with you…All to make me jealous! – she giggled and left.

“Didn’t love me?” – the idea seemed crazy to me. Wasn’t it obvious that it was me whom he was trying to make jealous! He didn’t love Val – he said so himself!... “He said so…” – I thought about it for a moment and my inner self – oh, how I hate that creature inside my head at times like this – whispered with such confidence: “His word against Val’s? Why would he come back to her if he loved you?” I wish I could find anything to justify it – my heart was eager to pardon it.

He was trying to make me jealous!… What else could it be done for? The versions came effortlessly provided by my suspicious alter ego: maybe he wanted to hurt me, humiliate me even further, revenge on me for being – how did he put it? – twofaced and mean? Or was it - just that simple – that he didn’t love me?

Didn’t love me… - now it seemed so logical, so… comforting? It was easier to lose what you never really had… Maybe I should step aside? He said I wasn’t what he wanted in a girl. And she was my complete opposite and - through that – perfect for Jake. Why stand in the way of his happiness?

And then that monster in my mind spoke again in such familiar disdainful voice: “You don’t have any pride…”

Suddenly I saw Jake’s laughing face before me so clearly – laughing at me… I saw Val's victorious expression. I saw everyonecasting pitiful glances at me and sniggering and talking behind my back...I sprang to my feet: "I won't take itanymore - no one will ever laugh at me! I won't let them pity me!" -and I strode out of the room, a plan starting to form within my mind.

“Oh, I have pride…I do…” – I was thinking maliciously as I walked towards boys’ dormitory…