Tattered and Torn

Dani and I talked as we slowly walked back to the house. She understood how I was feeling. I was really hesitant to leave my room with all the time, money, energy, and sweat I've put into my room. It was my favorite place in the whole world! When we finally returned to the house, Val and Gary still weren't home. Not that I wanted them home! Walking quietly up the stairs, we heard the guys talking.

"Dude, I see the you look at Lily! Don't try and deny that you aren't attracted to her!" Joey said

"I never said I wasn't attracted to her, Joey!" Jim exclaimed

"Listen Joey. You're thinking about this the wrong way! Noone here is trying to take your new-found sister away from you. And if you could choose the type of guy who dated your sister, who or what type of guy would it be?" Corey explained

"Well.... alright. I never thought of it that way. I'm not too happy with you trying to pursue a relationship with her! But I'm not gonna try and stop you either." Joey relented

Dani and I snuck back downstairs so that we could make some noise coming back upstairs to let them know we were back. As we ascended the stairs we started talking about what supplies we were going to need for the spells we were going to do. We entered my bedroom and almost immediately I was engulfed in a hug with Joey. Cocking my pierced eyebrow at him made the rest of the band laugh. Corey, Chris, and Jim were sitting on my bed while Clown was checking his email.

Dani and I were still talking about where we were going to perform the spells, whether it would be at our spot or here in my room. The decision was made for us when we heard loud lightning. Sighing heavily, Dani went downstairs to see just how bad it was. I continued to gather the items we'd need while she was gone. A few minutes later she returned and didn't look too happy.

She told me that it was raining really hard and didn't look like it was going to let up any time soon. Guess we'd be doing this in my room. Jim and Joey both raised their eyebrows at me as Dani and I chatted. Having all the materials ready, I slipped out of my shoes and went downstairs. Dani was busy chatting with Corey, Clown, and Paul. I loved the rain and always felt a calmness wash over me when it rained. In my spiritual search, I realized it was the Goddess who was making herself known to me.

Smiling to myself, I went out into the backyard and just stood there letting the rain wash over me. It didn't take long before I was completely drenched!! Then I started sort of dancing around in the rain without a care in the world. In my time outside I didn't realize I had an audience. It actually sort of surprised me that Dani didn't join me in the backyard. Then again it didn't seeing as how she had Corey Taylor's attention!

I was twirling around and got dizzy. Then I fell on my but and started laughing. When a pair of strong arms pulled me up off the ground I nearly jumped out of my skin. Spinning around I found myself facing the 6'6 frame of Jim Root. I started giggling as he was getting drenched and he didn't have anything else to change into. He pulled me into his arms and then dipped me. We smiled at one another before I slipped out of his arms and started running around the yard. Jim immediately started chasing me, laughing the whole time!

We had alot of fun playing chase, throwing mud balls at one another, and just being stupid. About an hour or so later, Jim had tackled me to the ground and was lauhging hysterically. He was half-way laying on me and our faces were mere inches from one another. I felt like he was about to lean down and kiss me when Dani started calling my name. Cursing my friend under my breath, I yelled back that we were coming in and that Jim would need something to change into while we washed his clothes.

Since our clothes were soaked, we stood at the sliding glass door and stripped down to the bare minimum. I promptly took our clothes to the washer and got them going. He followed me upstairs and got some pretty odd looks from everyone until Dani told them we'd been playing in the rain. She handed Jim a pair of men's pajama bottoms that an ex had left here for him to wear. Once he'd changed, I went to take a shower.

"Lily?" I heard a male voice ask

"Uh, yes?" I asked

"Would it be possible for me to take a shower? I feel kinda icky after playing in the rain." He replied, making me smile

"Sure! I'll leave the water running for ya. I won't be too long, I promise." I told him, unable to keep from smiling

As promised, I got out quickly and left the water running. I changed into what I'd worn to bed last night and walked out into the bedroom. Dani was trying to explain to the guys what we were doing.

"I'm having an extremely hard time accepting the facts that were presented to me. The main roadblock is the extreme anger I'm feeling about Gary and Val. What we're doing is invoking the Goddess and God to help erase the anger and negativity so that I may move on." I told them as Dani asked certain guys to move back

"What's she doing?" Paul asked curiously

"She's casting a circle. It's a sacred place to perform rituals and cast spells. Much like a Temple or Church in other religions." I informed the group

"Um, can we watch?" Clown asked

I looked around at the group and every one of them seemed genuinely interested.

"Well, normally I'd say no because you don't practice Wicca and this is very personal spell-casting. But in the interest of curiosity I'll let you guys stay. You have to stay completely quiet, though. If you have questions, wait till we're done." I replied, giving the percussionist a warm smile

"Deal." He stated smiling

Jim had finished his shower and was sitting on my bed with Corey, Chris, and Joey. Dani and I were ready and already had our tools handy. Dani began casting the circle as I laid out the appropriate candles. Brown candle for North, yellow candle for East, red candle for South, and blue candle for West. Now I just had to wait for Dani.

“Let it be known that the circle is about to be cast. All who enter the Circle may do so in perfect love and perfect trust.” She said as she walked around the "circle"

Then as she bent down to light the Eastern candle she said, “Guardians of the East, I call upon you to watch over the rites of this Coven. Powers of knowledge and wisdom, guided by Air, we ask that you keep watch over us tonight within this circle. Let all who enter the circle under your guidance do so in perfect love and perfect trust.”

Moving on to the Southern candle she stated, “Guardians of the South, I call upon you to watch over the rites of this Coven. Powers of energy and will, guided by Fire, we ask that you keep watch over us tonight within this circle. Let all who enter the circle under your guidance do so in perfect love and perfect trust.”

Next was the Western candle, “Guardians of the West, I call upon you to watch over the rites of this Coven. Powers of passion and emotion, guided by Water, we ask that you keep watch over us tonight within this circle. Let all who enter the circle under your guidance do so in perfect love and perfect trust.”

Lastly was the Northern candle, “Guardians of the North, I call upon you to watch over the rites of this Coven. Powers of endurance and strength, guided by Earth, we ask that you keep watch over us tonight within this circle. Let all who enter the circle under your guidance do so in perfect love and perfect trust.”

Dani then announced that the circle has been cast and allowed me to enter after her. Upon entering she asked me 'How do you enter this circle?' to which I replied, 'In perfect love and perfect trust'.

I had 2 stones for this, 1 black stone (because I couldn't get an Obsidian stone), and 1 Rose Quartz. Dani and I stood there, with all eyes on us, and she handed me the black stone. I placed it in my right hand. For this to work, I needed to focus all the feelings of negativity and anger that I had into the stone. I started to feel all my anger, sadness, depression and guilt and all other emotions begin to boil. As I did I started to cry. At the same Dani began chanting:

The temperature seemed to drop for a few minutes. The candle flames flickered like there was a light breeze blowing through my room. Suddenly I felt sort of empty. The feeling of emptiness was soon replaced however! Smiling at Dani, she handed me a brown paper lunch bag where I placed the stone. We promptly sat down where she handed me the Rose Quartz.

"This Rose Quartz is a physical representation of my heart." I said aloud

As we sat there I began to "tell" the stone, without using my voice and only moving my lips, what my hopes, dreams, and loves were. A few minutes later I was finished. Handing the Quartz back to Dani, she put it back where it went with the other stones. Dani began clearing the circle by thanking the Gods and Goddesses for joining us and blowing out the respective candles.

I started picking up the candles and putting them all back where they went. All the guys remained silent until Dani and I had completely put away everything that we had used for the ceremony. Taking a deep breath, I sat on the edge of my bed. Joey scooted over and hugged me from behind. Even though I knew what Val and Gary had done was wrong, the anger I felt towards them was rapidly fading. This was a new leaf in my life and I wasn't going to let them bother me anymore!

"That was just.... WOW." Corey said, finally breaking the silence

"That's our religion. That's how we deal with things and such. Lily quite often will cast travel protection spells on bands she feels a special connection too." Dani replied

"Really? What's that?" Paul asked

"It's just a spell to protect loved ones who are traveling. For the Goddess to bring them safely home from their journeys." I replied

"Cool." He responded

Since everyone was getting hungry, Dani offered to buy dinner for us. Joey stated he wanted to talk to me so everyone but Jim went with Dani. She promised to bring dinner back for us before she made her way downstairs. Joey moved to sitting on the left side of the bed while Jim was sitting on the right. I fell backwards and was staring up at the ceiling of the canopy.

"Dude..... I'm related to Slipknot!" I giggled

"Yes.. yes you are." Joey laughed

"This is so weird. Dani says most of my problem with this whole thing is Adjustment Anxiety." I confessed, still staring at the ceiling

"Why do you have adjustment anxiety?" Joey questioned

"This is the only life I know. I know how to deal with things around here, I have a plan for when certain things happen. With you and your family, I don't know anything!" I said, rolling over onto my tummy to look at the pair

"You're being thrown into a whole new group of people that you've never met before. It must be a very daunting idea." Jim piped up

"Yeah. So Joey, you wanted to talk to me. I'm presuming your going to try to convince me to move to Des Moine." I said, smiling warmly at my older brother

"Well, our entire family is there and I know they're gonna want to see you and get to know you." Joey replied

"Where will I live? What will I do for work? I don't know anyone besides you guys. Not to mention I'll have to re-create my sanctuary here!" I quietly stated

"I understand that. You can move into my house. Hell, I'll even give you free reign to re-decorate it any way you want! For work, well I guess it depends on what you wanna do!" He replied hopefully

"I don't know. If I did decide to move, I'd want Dani to come with. I guess really all this boils down to is Adjustment Anxiety." I whispered

"If there's anything I can do to ease your adjustment please let me know! All my parents and I want is to get to know you and have you in our lives." Joey said, giving my hand a light squeeze

Joey and Jim spent the rest of the night trying to convince me to move to Des Moine. I hated admitting it, but they did make some damn good points. Staying in this house wasn't an option at all anymore. Tears sprung to my eyes as I thought about all the good memories I had in this house. As crappy as my life had been, this was my home. Jim wiped away a tear that fell down my cheek.

Joey's phone rang so he went out into the "hall" to answer it, leaving Jim and I alone. The more I thought about my home, the harder it became for me to hold back my tears. Jim pulled me into his arms to let me cry. It wasn't long before Joey returned. Still crying Joey sort of snuggled up to me as I was snuggled up to Jim. I'm sure the sight was rather odd, but it was very comforting to me. The sound of Jim's beating heart eventually lulled me to sleep.