Deathnote: What goes around comes around... I hope... (1)

Two days after the breakfast feast, something interesting happened. Misa Amane began begging for death. Lawliet had sent me a link to the feed of her imprisonment, and I’d been occasionally watching it. Three days without water can do a lot to a person, and Misa was reaching her limits. Here’s the thing though, Misa wasn’t begging for her captors to kill her, she was asking Rem. I found myself desperately hoping Rem would actually do it. Because then, I’d be free to turn Light in, without having to worry about Misa getting tossed into the mix. L and the others couldn’t see this, and I couldn’t say a damn thing. If I did, it would mean the end of Misa Amane by MY hand. Which would undoubtedly mean the end of L Lawliet, the only person I cared about. How can you beat that?

Misa in the end gave up her rights to her Death Note, transferring it’s ownership to Light. The cost was her memories of the Death Note. She then passed out. Truthfully I didn’t believe it until she woke up and began talking about her stalker, who she believed was holding her captive. I’m not going to lie, it was slightly disturbing to watch. Eventually I had to stop, and returned my attention to L and the taskforce. They hadn’t left since they’d come the other day. So I had been trapped in this room for an exciting two days. Lawliet had managed to send me messages, apologizing, but that still didn’t ease my suffering. I wondered how much worse Misa Amane had it, being strapped in a chair and all. We were both trapped. But I will say I’d much rather be here than in her position. I would probably be begging for death as well.

My day got a lot more interesting when Light returned to headquarters after a few days absence. I didn’t have a chance to pay too much attention to him, as Ryuk suddenly appeared in my room. Why couldn’t I get used to him? For some reason seeing him still caused me to begin to shake.

“So. You’re still here, Apples?” He asked walking up behind me.

“What do you want?” I shot back. He didn’t need to be here, I didn’t need to have a freak out with the members of the investigation team one room over. They still didn’t know about me, and I was fairly certain now wouldn’t be the best time for them to learn of my existence.

He chuckled behind me, “Why are humans always so irritable? I was coming to tell you something, although I’m actually under no obligation to.”

If he wanted me to ask, I will say that was the way to go. I sighed shaking my head. Stupid shinigami.

“Alright, what is it?”

“Light’s going to relinquish ownership of his Death Note sometime soon. Do you know what that means?” I heard a clicking, and turned to find him playing with my Gameboy Advanced. I went to snatch it, but stopped, realizing what he had just told me.

“He’ll lose his memories of it,” I said to myself. “But why?”

The Pokemon theme song began playing as he pushed various buttons on the hand-held game, “That I can’t tell you. But I can tell you this, you won’t lose your memories of anything.”

Now that I hadn’t even thought about. While Light and Misa wouldn’t remember anything about their roles as Kira, I would? Why couldn’t I forget as well? It would make It so much easier on me. I wouldn’t be tempted to turn Light in, because I’d never recall him telling me he was Kira. It wasn’t fair that the murderers had the benefit of forgetting they had been killers, while I had to live with the knowledge but couldn’t say anything. How could this be happening?

“Can’t you… Make me forget?” I asked somewhat hopelessly.

He shook his head, “Nope, you’re not my responsibility. You never were. You just happened to touch the notebook. I didn’t even have to tell you what I did, but I felt it would make things more interesting. It should give me something to watch from the shinigami world after I go back. While Light and Misa plead their innocence, you’ll be stuck with all the knowledge about the situation, and thanks to Rem unable to say a word about it. So, Apples, what’re you going to do?”

I really did hate that damn shinigami. Nothing, human or death god, should enjoy seeing someone suffer so much. All of this was becoming too much to handle, and I didn’t know how much more before I found myself pushed past my limits. I couldn’t take watching those two get away with killing so many people. And I really couldn’t take the possibility of Lawliet dying. I had a feeling this wasn’t as simple as Light just handing over his memories and forgetting his plans of being a god. After how he had talked when discussing it, there was no way he would just throw it away completely. He had something else planned, just, what? He wanted L dead. I had no doubt in my mind about that. And I knew there was no way he’d let him survive, he was too big of a threat, and there was no way he’d let him win. Losing his memories as Kira and all the knowledge of what he had done, would obviously be losing. What was he planning? This wasn’t going to be over that easily, no way.

“Go away,” I said, not looking at the shinigami before me.

“Fine. Light’s getting removed anyways. I have to follow him. Have fun, Apples. I’ll be watching,” And with that, he drifted back through the wall the way he had come. I found myself facing the monitors. Light was getting removed? What the hell did that mean? I watched a handcuffed Light Yagami be escorted form the room by the entire investigation team. What the hell was going on? I didn’t think twice about heading into the living room. They had left, so there was nothing to stop me.

“Ah, Evie. I assume you witnessed the confrontation with Light Yagami which just took place?” L turned his attention to my figure as I came out of my room.

“I caught him being walked out in handcuffs, but I hadn’t been watching before that,” I lied. I hated lying to him, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. Sorry, I was temporarily detained by a death god who looks like a clown. We were having a serious conversation while he was playing Pokemon, what happened out here? Yeah. I’m sure that would go over very well.

“I see,” His eyes lingered on me. My stomach bottomed out, could he tell I was lying? “Well, Light just admitted there is a possibility he may be Kira, but he holds that it may be unconscious. He asked to be put under surveillance, like Misa Amane, to see if the killings continue or not. This could possibly end the investigation, although something seems off. I don’t understand why he would do this to himself.”

I watched his thumb go to his mouth. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I could never tell. And his eyes, why were they so impossible to read? Aside from how he felt for me, I couldn’t see anything else in them, except the days he was beyond lost. I could always tell then. Times like now though, killed me.

He stood and walked over to the glass door of the balcony, his back to me. His silhouette somewhat reflected back from the glass due to the darkness outside. There was something strangely attractive about how he stood then. It was typical of him, hands in his pockets, staring off, yet it was alluring for some reason. Quite possibly it was the mystery that still surrounded him. The mystery of who he really was, aside from his name, how he thought the way he did. But the biggest mystery to me was how the man known as L, the world’s greatest detective, had come to care for me. What had I done? Why me? I didn’t even understand how two people such as us, with no trust for anyone, and no friends, had come to befriend each other in the first place. But then again, perhaps that’s exactly the reason why. Because when it comes down to that kind of stuff, we’re on the same level, which prompts an odd understanding, and relatability. Sadly in that aspect we’re a perfect match. But otherwise it’s hard to say that. He was a genius, and athlete, a world renowned detective. And I was a girl who was just running form her past. So really, it made no sense to me how I got THE L.

Sighing, I pulled myself out of my thoughts and walked over behind him. I wrapped my arms around his torso, resting my head on his back.

“I don’t regret revealing my face,” he stated from in front of me. I placed my chin on his spine, looking up at the back of his head.

“Why?”

“Evie, I’m a liar. It’s sometimes how I get information out of people, even trick them into confessions. I told Light he was the first friend I ever had. And I will admit, that was a complete lie. Yet I said something similar to you, and I sincerely meant it. Without this case, I never would have met you. I never would have let anyone get close to me. Youa re the first, and probably the only person I’ll let that happen with. I can’t say I’m grateful for Kira’s existence, but I can tell you that while this case is producing little solid evidence, meeting you has made it seem worth while. I can’t explain why, but for some reason having you around makes me happy. Even if everything with this is going against me, when you’re around, it doesn’t matter. That’s why I don’t regret it,” He had explained it all still looking out the window.

I stared intently at his back, with my nose pressed against it. He smelled really good. In a way like coffee and sweets. My heart was throbbing in my chest as I inhaled his scent. I could end this for him now. Kira could be caught, and he could be stress free. But he’d probably die if I told him everything. I hated shinigami. It wasn’t just Ryuk. He may have dropped the notebook, but it wasn’t completely his fault now. Rem made it impossible for me to absolutely ensure Lawliet’s safety. Shinigami were completely evil in my opinion. They created a situation where the one thing I cared about could die. And then, destroyed the one path I had found to save him. It wasn’t fair. Squeezing my eyes shut I buried my face in between his shoulder blades. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. It seemed I had no choice but to lose him in the long run.

“Evie? What’s wrong?” I heard his voice a little more clearly, I guess he had turned his head.

“N-nothing,” I said. I’m sure it came out muffled against his shirt.

“You’re crying. I can feel it through my shirt. Evie, really, what’s wrong?” He spoke my name softly; concern cut through his last few words. I shook my head into his back as I began to cry harder. Gently, he loosened my hands from around his waist and turned to face me. I collapsed onto his chest in a fit of sobs. His arms encased me, gently rubbing my back as we stood there. After about a minute he carefully picked me up, carrying me back into my room. I felt him sit on the bed with me still in his arms.

“Evie?”

“I don’t want to lose you,” I choked out. He pressed me closer to him, still rubbing my back.

“I don’t intend on letting that happen,” He replied quietly. I didn’t intend on letting it happen either, but right now it seemed out of my control. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I hadn’t cried myself to sleep since the first night I’d stayed with him, until then.