What do you mean, what were you gonna do?!
You knew damn fucking well!
You dialed the number of a clinic where your mom had check ups and scheduled with her gynecologist. First, you wanted a check up and be sure if your fears were true.
Then you’d get an abortion, if necessary.
*At the clinic*
So, Miss Turunen… - The doctor looked at you over the rim of his glasses. -…You are pregnant.
Fuck… - You sighed.
I take it this is not a planned pregnancy? – He raised an eyebrow.
Nope. – You bucked your lips and bit the inside of your cheek.
You already said you wanted to abort if it came out positive. I must ask you to think about it…
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the moral and ethical side of it… I know it’s your job to tell me those things, but let me just explain what would happen if I decided to have this baby. First of all, I smoke like a chimney and love beer. This baby would come out tipsy and puffed up. Also, it would end up in some overcrowded orphanage because I, honestly., cannot take care of it. There’s no point in trying to be nice thereby ruining its young life.
It doesn’t seem I can say anything to change your mind.
No. We both know it’s for the best. And thank you, doctor.
I’ll have the nurse leave you a message when we can perform the operation.
****
Fucking shit… - You looked at the rearview mirror. – How do you get yourself in these stupid fucking messes, you stupid fucking bitch?
You parked your car and sat in the back seat, knowing Chris was probably inside, making you that lunch he promised to try and make up for the hideous tuna sandwich.
Should you even tell him? There is no point, really… The baby is good as dead.
That brought a terrible image in your head, of one of those seraphims with pink cheeks and chubby bellies, lying on the floor in a puddle of its blood.
Try that on for size… Damn you, Edgar Allan Poe, and your Raven…
You rubbed your eyes to try to get that sad picture outta your mind.
You didn’t wanna put him through this. If you could only figure out which him you were talking about…
Great, now you were referring to the dead fetus as a person?! Fuck it, Tarja, you’re losing it! It’s for the best… For everyone.
Shit, second thoughts bite…
You cannot deal with a baby right now! You were just trying to convince yourself so hard…
He has the right to know… - Your mind started making pro & con lists as to whether you should tell Chris or not. – Then again, it will just put more crap on his already troubled mind. And if he, in his crazy sympathy loving fits, wanted to keep it? How stupid would that be?
Why should it be stupid?! - A voice cried in your mind.
It is a perfect little piece of you and him. A little creature made by you two. Something you couldn’t fuck up. Something beautiful and perfect.
No! It’s wrong! You’re too young, your whole lives are fucked up as it is…
Then why are you so unsure?!
Then why are you hugging your fucking stomach so closely…?!
Then why do you suddenly want it?
