chapter two

After Jon had died I had kind of just locked myself away from the world; upstairs in the computer room. I didn't want anyone to see me, more specifically I didn't want anyone seeing me fall apart. I would pretty much do the same thing everyday; log on to AIM, MSN, and then IMVU and whoever I talked to, I would pretend to be happy. I was hurting, I knew Jon would want me to be happy but it was so hard when he wasn't here alive with me. His funeral was to be next week, and I couldn't take it. It was like a final good-bye, after that I'd have to except the fact that he was gone, he was dead. I turned my head towards the window and took in the outside world. Everything seemed to go on as though nothing had happened, as though Jon had not died. I felt a single tear slide down my cheek. I really should've died instead of him, I silently thought to myself, atleast he enjoyed the outside world more than I ever have. I saw a happy looking couple walking by; I couldn't help to think that that could've been Jon and I, but now it wasn't possible. I felt my eyes start to tear up, then I heard someone call my name, "Sam, honey, have you had breakfast?", it was my mom. I don't know how didn't notice her standing there. I lied, "Yeah, mum, I had breakfast.", I rolled my eyes as if to imply 'why wouldn't have I?'. My mom walked out of the computer room leaving me by myself. I knew she was worried about me but I just wanted to be alone right now, that's all I wanted, is that really too much to ask for? I sulked back into the cushion of the grey chair. Do I really just need to be alone or do I need more? I started questioning myself and how all I wanted was to be alone. I started browsing people's pages on IMVU, no ones page had made me want to actually leave a message, so of course I didn't, it's not like I had to. Until I got to his page. His page made me want to leave a message, I really don't know exactly what it was about his page that made me want to leave a message, but it did. So I left a really random message, since I knew people replied to the more interesting messages, and it was as long as IMVU would let it be, 512 characters. Right after I had left that message my mom called me downstairs, "Sam, come downstairs please!", reluctantly I did as I was told. I sulked downstairs into the living room were my mom was, "What?", I asked trying to sound atleast slightly perky. "We're going out for a bit.", my mom replied smiling, and I thought, why does she always havta be so damn happy?. "Mum, exactly who is we?" "The family..me, you, Valerie..". I knew dad was at work so he obviously wouldn't be coming. "Mum, do i HAVE to go?", I was pouting and whining, I really didn't want to go. "Yes, Sammantha, you have to go, now get your lazy butt in the car!". I wasn't going. ThatI knew. "Fine.", I said sounding rather annoyed. As soon as I slipped my etnies on, walked outside while slamming the door shut, and went down the stairs I sprinted. I ran. I didn't know where I was going all I knew is that I had to get away. I had gotten as far as Griley Park when I decided to sit down and take a breather. I slipped my iPod out of my dark blue skinny jean pockets, the strange thing is I didn't even noticed I had it with me. When I slipped the black earphones into my ears and pressed the play button on my pink iPod nano. The song that came on was 'Situations' by Escape The Fate. While the song was playing I started thinking, I hate my life, the only person that kept me alive was Jon maybe I should just die. It was probably a mistake I was probably the one that was supposed to die anyways....but maybe its just like a sign or something. That we weren't supposed to be together, but having him die just for that is a little extreme isn't it? I don't even know anymore. Without even noticing it I had started walking home. I knew I was going to be in so much trouble, but I suppose I might as well put my lifes lyrics to use and face the music.