Secrets of the Moon [Marauders Fic] Chapter 69. [Ang]

"Hey, Ang, ready for.... ah. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Nothing at all."

"Uh huh. Look, Ang-"

"I'm fine."

"I know, but-"

"Nothing is wrong."

"Yeah, but-"

"I'M FINE, LILY, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

"....Ang, I just wanted to ask if I could borrow your charms book, but-"

"BABAPLUKAKRAK!!!!!"

And with that, I stormed from the room.

I was having issues, I admit it. But it couldn't be excused. Whenever I was around Remus, I was close to tears. It was stupid. I hated him so much, everything about him annoyed me, I felt like killing him at times, and I could bloody well do without him all together. He was a complete nerd, a werewolf, had grey hairs and was nothing special. A bookworm. Completely two faced at times, spazzed about everything, treated me like a bloody little kid every other minute and was a complete freakin' neat freak. And he was in love with another girl. I hated him. Hated him.

And then you had the plain, brutal fact that I was in love with him.

"Stupid Remus," I swore, stomping out of the Common Room, "Stupid stupid stupid-"

"Hello, Angellei..."

I froze, feeling a gentle hand on my shoulder. Slowly, I turned. "Oh, uhm, hey, Paul... how are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. And you?"

He can't be part veela... guys can't even be veelas... no.... Lupin was just lying... the turd-

"Fine, cheers," I said, smiling. He smiled back.

"Are you going down to breakfast?" he asked me, taking my hand.

"Uhm-"No, because I'll have to see Lupin there- "Yeah, yeah I am."

"May I walk with you?"

"You may," I said with a grin, tucking an annoying bit of hair behind my ear. We walked.

I probably won't even see him down there anyway... and what would it even matter if I did? Merlin, I'm pathetic..

"It is sunny weather out today," he commented, looking out of a window, light streaming through. I nodded. It was the first decent bit of weather we had had in a while. "Yeah- maybe- uhm-"

"Yes?"

"Maybe we could go out for a bit. Like, after classes?"

"You're not studying for N.E.W.Ts tomorrow?"

I felt myself blushing. "Mine.. don't start tomorrow... I don't take Transfiguration or Runes."

I saw him smile slightly. "Neither do I," he said easily, picking up a bit of my hair as we stopped outside the Great Hall, "I prefer Charms, myself."

I laughed increduloulsy. "What, really? So do I!"

"You do? And here I was, thinking that it was just me."

I laughed again, and he laughed too. It occured to me that I hadn't actually heard him laugh before. It was a nice sound, light, fluid. Completely unlike Lupin's deep chuckle.

He was nothing like Remus, really.

"I would like to go outside after classes, Angellei," he said, the laughter fading, "I would like that very much."

I let out a noise which sounded horrendously like a giggle. I whipped my head around quickly to see who had heard me, prepared myself for the laughs and pointings. But no one was laughing, thank Merlin, except...

The moment I saw Remus, made eye contact, I quickly turned around, back to Paul. I didn't particularly feel like bawling my eyes out. Not just then.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked quickly, smiling up at him. He gave me a smile. "A picnic, perhaps?"

"That sounds good," he agreed, nodding. I took a step forward, just to take hold of his other hand, nothing more, nothing like the night before, and grinned.

"Good," I said cheerfully, only just registering his face coming down to give me a lingering kiss. Half of me wanted to turn around to see if Remus was still there and watching, and then the other half wanted to just stay there, stay there, and never ever move.

But he moved away, holding my gaze. "I'm afraid I must leave you. I- ah- have to study."

"Um, yeah, sure... okay," I nodded. Fair enough. Schoolwork came first, I understood that. He smiled, looking glad that I understood, and held onto my hands as far as he could go without snapping off my arm. I smiled, feeling like a princess in a love story, and faintly wondered whether or not I should be waving a hankerchief in farewell.

I walked into the Great Hall, feeling quite good, walked into the edge of the Ravenclaw Table, got a fresh bruise on my thigh (and Remus was not getting his hands on that one) and studied the table at the far end of the Hall. Marlene and Lily had saved a seat for me... right opposite Lupin. Brilliant. Fantastic.

They probably thought they were doing me a favour. Pah.

Be cheerful, Ang. Happiness. Don't let him see you down.

"Good morning," I said cheerfully as I could manage as I sat down, piling food onto my plate, "Hey, Remus, could you pass the eggs?"

"Sure," he said, seeming to force a smile as he passed the bowl to me. He caught my gaze for a moment, and I couldn't look away.

And then I remembered Paul on the other side of school, and pulled away. Remus no longer had anything to do with me anymore. Nothing at all.

"So, what're you up to today?" I asked Marlene casually, fully aware that Remus was still looking at me. She grinned, her eyes darting quickly to Sirius. "Nothing much," she said easily, still smiling. "You?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "No, nothing much."

I dared a glance to Remus. But he wasn't there. My eyes searched almost frantically around the Hall.

"He went to the library."

"Wh- What?" I asked, blinking away. Siris smirked at me. "He went to the library. Wanted to, uh, 'catch up' with that Julia chick."

Catch up.

"I wasn't looking for Lupin," I said coolly, brushing down my shirt. "Anyway. I'm going now. I'll see you, Lily, Marlene." They waved goodbye, I smiled, waved back, and went out.

I have this thing for quick breakfasts, you might've noticed.

I walked for a moment, thought about what I was going to do before classes started that morning. I had about half an hour. One thing...

Sketching sounded like a good idea. Hadn't done much sketching for a while.

And... where to sketch? That could create a problem. Half of the school's population was in the Great Hall. I didn't fancy drawing there, people peering over my shoulder every two seconds to see what I had done. No. Not my scene.

And then you had the Common Room. Which would be empty.

And then you had the library, where Madam Pince would be breathing down my neck, and would actually have quiet to draw, and would also be able to see Remus flirting with Julia...

Library it was.

It took me all of two seconds to grab my box and head to the library.

And.... And it didn't even turn out that I had to get to the library to see Remus. Or Julia.

"Hey, thanks for helping me with Defence... I really don't understand all of it half the time. I'm glad I ran in to you. I mean- in a good way- not that I- um- messed up your hair-"

"Any time, really. I don't mind."

"Really? That's really nice of you, Remus. Um, you know, I've got my exams coming up... you wouldn't mind-?"

"Yes?"

"You wouldn't mind helping me practice for them, would you?"

I could hear Remus' smile in his voice. "I would love to help you, Julia."

I could hear my insides wither and die.

Walk away, Ang...

"Really? Oh, that would be so nice, Remus. Thank you so much."

"I really don't mind. It's fun hanging out with you."

Dammit Ang, walk away, just walk the heck away-

"Do you really? I, uh, didn't think you... you did..."

"No. I do."

"Really?"

"Really."

I heard her shift her books. I could hear her perfect skirt russling. I looked down at my worn out, tatty clothes. And cringed.

"Julia, I..."

"Yes...?"

Silence.

My body finally obeyed my mind, and I started walking, as fast as I could. My box knocked against the wall, but I could barely hear it, I just kept walking, walking...

Right onto the scene.

I started swearing in my mind, started to walk away. But I was too late.

They were already kissing.

I stared, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't move. And that made it all the worse. Because when they stopped, after a good two minutes, Remus saw me.

I swung around and started walking in the opposite direction.

I could barely hear him saying an apology to Julia, who seemed too stunned and stupid to move, before I heard footsteps. Running behind me.

"Leave me the -beep- alone, you -beep- -beep- -beep- er."

"Ang-"

"Go -beep- yourself. Or Julia, for that matter."

"Ang, just stop-"

I spun around, feeling him touch my shoulder. "Get the hell off me." He glared back at me, eyes determined.

"No."

I stared at him for a moment, the boy who, for the first time in my life, had done something that I hadn't asked, and turned back around, flipping his hand off my shoulder.

But I couldn't move.

"Ang, I didn't- didn't mean for that-"

"You did," I laughed spitefully, dropping my box, "You did, you evil so and so-"

"Ang, you acted as if you didn't want us together. I thought that our chance was gone-"

"So you go and kiss it?"

"And you go and kiss Paul?"

I stared at him, turning back around. "You've changed."

"Maybe you never knew me."

His words plunged deep, deep into my heart. "You know what, Remus? I loved you. I gave my whole freakin' heart to you. And- And you lie, you break it off, and Merlin, I can't even deal with this anymore! Just- no. I'm gonna admit it, so you, you can be right, just like with everything else. I was wrong. Okay? I was wrong. You have all the freakin' right in the whole bloody world to go and snog Julia. Go."

"Ang-"

"Go! You know that that's what you want to effing do!"

Tears were streaming down my face. My breathing was coming out ragged, chest moving up and down. He stared back at me, tried to touch me. I took a sharp intake of breath, couldn't move.

"Ang..."

"Remus, don't ever look at me again. Don't touch me, don't think about me. I can't deal with it."

I spun off, completely forgetting my box, not even caring about my box, and went.

That was it.