I Might Even Be A Rockstar [Kevin Jonas] - 15

"Hold tight everyone! And now - Rooney!"
Joe bellowed into his microphone, punching the air and having a spastic fit at the thought of the band that was coming on next. I looked to the side, eagerly, as Rooney piled onstage.
I hit fists with the drummer as he came on, drumsticks in hand. Rushing off the stage, I was the first behind the curtains as Rooney started into one of their songs - a familiar one but I couldn't bring myself to remember. The feeling of panic was far too wide in my chest and I ignored Joe's laughing as he and Nick proceeded back to Miley and Nisha. Instead, I moved into my dressing room and rested my guitar in a stand - I'd be using another one for the rest of the show.
Shifting, uneasily, I tried to find the source of my eager feeling mentally but could find nothing other than the break up with Jess that was eating at me. But somehow, I knew that wasn't it. That whatever it was, it was something else.
Sighing, I snatched up the remote off my dressing room table and took a seat in my chair. Pointing the remote at it, I pressed the power button and tried to find a sitcom I could sit through while Rooney performed their five songs.

I flipped away from the Entertainment TV channel, bent on not seeing Cody's lit up face as he sat beside Jess. It was probably fate that I turned to the news channel.
Because the wreck on TV was monstrous.
I shifted in my seat as my chest tightened - I didn't know what to make of it, but when the news reporter came on to report the wreck on the wet street, I realized just why I had been as eager as I was.
"It's easy to say the viewing audience is thoroughly shocked about the events that have just unfolded in the last fifteen minutes. If you're just tuning in to channel 5 news in the evening, people are shocked to report '98 mustang driven by young newcomer Disney star and performer Jessica Ward has been in a serious accident.
"Witnesses say the car in front of the '98 mustang driven by Ms. Ward, spun out of control on the streets due to heavy rain. They say Ms. Ward had little to no reaction time as the car she drove - belonging to Cody Linley, recently exposed 'publicity boyfriend' - collided head on into the car in front of it."
My heart. My heart, my heart, my heart.
I was having a heart attack. I had to have been.
I clutched my chest, convinced that the pain that exploded inside it was that of a serious heart attack. I was dying - I had to be. She was gone.
Sliding out of my chair, I stumbled my way toward the table the small television rested on. Touching the screen, I traced the outline of Jess' face on the photo they put up. My breath was coming out ragged as I skidded to my knees and stared at the television in utter horror.
Oh god, she was dead. She was dead!
"We've just received film stating as to why she was driving the mustang belonging to fake boyfriend Cody Linley. We're broadcasting it now,"
I stared up, wide eyed, as the film shifted to Anne Marie's talk show again. I watched in horror as Cody leaned toward her from his chair. Running a hand, raggedly, through my curly hair, I wiped my blurry tear filled eyes and half wondered if my heart could take seeing her kiss Cody after a news report that basically called her dead.
But my heart skipped a beat as I saw her image pushing him away on TV.
"I can't do this!" she confessed as she stood up from her seat. I followed her with my eyes, noticing how much more perfect she seemed on TV. Flawless features via the camera and make up - but her even her physical flaws made me love her. She turned back to the audience as I watched. "I can't do this. I'm sorry everyone but I'm not dating Cody. It was a publicity stunt - we're good friends but I'm not dating him."
I held my breath as she looked toward the camera that was facing her. I felt like our eyes met through the TV - but it was prerecorded.
"Kevin," I choked on air as she said my name. "Kevin. About everything that was said and done - I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I went behind your back to do what I did. And I'm sorry if I ever made you think for a second that I didn't love you because I love you. I love you more than anyone could possibly love another person."
"That's not true," I mumbled. "I loved you more than that."
I watched her run off camera and Cody sit, awkwardly, for a moment before running after her to the audience's surprise.
Swallowing hard, I started to pull myself up, but the video shifted quickly.
"We have a shocking update!" the reporter declared. "The ambulances have gotten the driver's door off the mustang. Ms. Ward is not inside, we repeat she is no where to be found!"
I stared in horror at the television. She was okay - she got out of the car. She had to be. Oh god, thatta girl, Jess! I always knew she was too hard headed for her own good - but her hard headedness got her out of the totaled mustang.
Turning back to the door as the reporter repeated the report, I shut off the TV as Joe slipped inside the room.
"Come on, we have to go perf- Kevin are you okay?"
"Yeah," I whispered but my heart ached. I had to go get her but they wouldn't let me leave. I knew they wouldn't - but where was she? Maybe Nisha or Miley could call her. "I'm coming."
Slipping out of the room after Joe's suspicious form, I moved toward the curtains and wiped my eyes roughly as another guitar was set around my shoulders by the stagehand. I moved my arms through the strap and pulled a guitar pick from the neck.
"Nisha," I choked. She glanced at me, naïve of what I saw. "Can you call Jess and see where she is?"
Nisha seemed surprised at my request but nodded and yanked her phone from her pocket.
"Thank you."
Moving on the stage, I felt a few more tears slide down my face but I ignored them. The crowd was going wild - they couldn't see them - but inside I just knew I didn't belong here. At least not right now.
I wanted to go find her, but I couldn't leave. Damnit.
Sighing, I waited for Joe's signal before starting into Just Friends.

Home. Is this a q u i e t place where y o u should be a l o n e ?

"Well, alright! Sure!"
I looked toward Cody as he puckered and leaned toward me. Staring in a somewhat horrified manner, I watched him lean over the chair and pursed my lips. It was all like slow motion - but everything hit me suddenly. Like I'd had amnesia and was suddenly getting every memory I've ever had back.
The tiger mask. The beach bonfire.
The water pistol as Cody tried to kiss me. The slow song turning to a fast one out of nowhere. Zac bumping the party to a night it was supposed to rain because the original date was supposed to be a rainy day. The ignited napkin in Cody's hand when it was nowhere near the fire. The conga line breaking up our dance. Nick's lie about having to go to the studio.
The tiger mask.
The masked guy sprayed Cody. The masked guy must have changed the slow song. The masked guy must have convinced Zac to change the date. The masked guy must have lit the napkin on fire. The masked guy led the conga line. The masked guy told Nick we had to be at the studio earlier.
Kevin.
He was in the tiger mask.
He'd tried to ruin the party for me and Cody.
Not because he was trying to destroy our time.
But because he knew I wasn't supposed to be there with Cody.
Suddenly, it came back to me. I turned, spotting Cody leaning in again.
Quickly, I pushed him away and stood up, surprising the audience.
"I can't do this!" I declared as I turned to the audience. "I can't do this. I'm sorry everyone but I'm not dating Cody. It was a publicity stunt - we're good friends but I'm not dating him."
I turned toward the camera, praying Kevin was watching.
"Kevin," I murmured. "Kevin. About everything that was said and done - I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I went behind your back to do what I did. And I'm sorry if I ever made you think for a second that I didn't love you because I love you. I love you more than anyone could possibly love another person."
I had to pray he'd understand.
Glancing to Cody in an apologetic manner, I turned and ran off the stage and behind the curtains again.
Looking round, Big Rob was nowhere to be found but I didn't have to the time to go looking for him. I had to get to Kevin.
"Jess!"
I kept running, past the stagehands that had seen my breakdown, past the crew members, passed Adam Sandler as I heard him shout something behind me that distinctly sound like,
"You go, girl!"
I pushed the bar of the door outside, finding outside empty for the rain that had started to pound the street and sidewalk. A few people were running by under umbrellas or coats occasionally but I couldn't feel the rain as it hit my face, coating me and soaking me thoroughly. I turned, looking around for Big Rob but couldn't find him.
"JESS!"
I rushed forward but turned around as Cody appeared on the sidewalk, wincing and ducking against the rain as it hit his blonde waves and broke down the style it'd been put into. His eyes were foggy, sad as they looked at me.
"Cody, I have-"
"Jess…why?"
I stared at him, unable to sum it all up in so few words. I hadn't the time for anything else, though.
"Cody. I just…have to."
Cody stared at me but said nothing as he rushed forward and grabbed my shoulders. His lips crashed against mine and I closed my eyes tightly, willing myself not to shove him away and run for it. Still, his kiss was forceful but the moment he pulled away, he held my shoulders and looked down at me, expectantly.
"Anything?"
I swallowed hard and looked up at him. My hair was heavy with rain and dampness as I shook my head slowly. Cody's gaze remained foggy.
"Nothing."
"Jess," Cody choked. I was edgy, I didn't have the time- "I like you. So much."
"I know," I managed out. "I like you too."
Cody shifted, hopefully. I sighed.
"But I love him."
Cody chewed his lip as he looked at me. My eyes were pleading and my body was shaking from the wind and rain but I couldn't feel it.
Cody looked down and reached in his soaked jacket pocket. Pulling his keys out, he offered them to me.
"Then…you better find him."
I sighed as I looked down at the car keys. Throwing my arms around his neck, I hugged him to me. He was hesitant as he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me back. After a second, I pulled back and looked at him in appreciation as I took the car keys.
"You mean a lot to me," I admitted.
"But he means everything." Cody replied, seeming to understand. I nodded. He smiled. "You're one of the best friends I've ever had."
I smiled and touched his face.
"It may not be me," I muttered. "But the girl had better appreciate you or I'll kill her."
Cody chuckled as he pointed to his mustang.
"Get the hell out of here."
Smiling, I backed up in the rain and gave Cody a fleeting look as I turned to the mustang and unlocked it. Climbing in, I looked at the familiar gadgets in the car. I glanced at Cody in the rearview mirror as he watched me.
A little late to admit I just got my permit.
Starting the car, I pulled it out of park and hit the gas as I pulled away from the sidewalk and onto the street.
I could see Cody waving in the rain from the rearview mirror. Hitting the windshield wipers, I lifted a hand to wave back as I turned my eyes toward the road ahead of me. I could feel a puddle of water forming in the seat under me, but I didn't care.
Turning on another street, I read the street sign quickly and estimated a few more four blocks from here to the venue the guys were playing tonight. The sky was getting dimmer with the rain and the night rolling in, and I knew it was very much illegal for me to be driving without a parent and especially at night but this was bigger than the law.
Turning a corner, I estimated maybe half a block left and turned my attention to the road ahead of me. The rain had gotten really heavy - but I had to get to Kevin. This couldn't wait.
Sighing, I glanced in my rearview mirror again and looked ahead.
It had only been a second, but it was enough for me to mess up.
The car in front of me had lost control. The driver turned the wheel fiercely, sending it to turn and skid to a halt. I hadn't been fast enough - when I'd hit the break, I was already making contact with the car.
The crashing and pressure had been tremendous. The windshield cracked in front of me, the car pushing the other person's car forward a yard at least. My entire body jerked against the seat belt as a loud crack rang against my ears.
It was all I could recall as I blacked out. It must have only been for a few seconds, as I shakily opened my eyes again. My hands were on either side of me, my head resting against the steering wheel. I sat, unseeing for a minute, but realized where I was and what had happened.
There was a furious stinging all down the front side of my torso and a throbbing in my forehead. Shifting, I could see people from the side looking toward me and the other car. Leaning back, I tried to collect myself but halted as I remembered what I'd been trying to do.
Shakily, I reached for the seatbelt and unclipped it. Sliding out of my seat, the pain in my head and front side was ever more evident as I climbed into the passenger seat. Grabbing the door handle, I collected my strength I lifted it and pushed it, pushing open the door.
Sliding out of the car, I slid into the pavement, my back hitting it roughly. My entire front side was throbbing by this time as I laid on the road, the rain falling against my face.
It was annoying, but did enough to wake me up.
Pulling my legs out of the passenger seat, I slid them on the pavement roughly, my sneakers and socks getting soaked through to my feet as I pushed myself up. My front and head continued to pound as I army crawled from the car and toward the sidewalk. I scrambled between two parked cars and crawled on the sidewalk. Pulling myself out of view on the empty sidewalk - everyone must have been at the cars and must not have seen me - I sighed and sat, my legs stretched out in front of me, my back against one of the parked cars as I inspected myself.
Feeling for my forehead, I felt a bump there - where I'd hit it on the steering wheel. What the fuck happened to airbags?
Deciding my head was fine, I looked down at my front and nearly gasped.
Blood soaked my wet grey tank top, seeming to come from the piece of glass that was jammed in my side.
Slowly, trembling, I touched it and took hold of it. It wasn't deep - I could feel it - and biting down on my opposite wet hand, I jerked it from my side and winced, shaking violently as a wave of raw pain swept over me. Sighing, I took a deep breath to steady myself as it passed.
I threw the glass to the side, bitterly, as I got to my feet. Glancing at everyone around the car, a news van pulling up, I quickly stumbled my way around the corner and out of view, finding - thankfully - that both of my legs were stiff, but completely fine.
My side continued to throb, as well as my head, but I continued on up the sidewalk. It seemed like forever when I got to the end of that sidewalk, the rain still pouring and throwing me off a little. Still, when I looked up at the street sign, I was relieved.
Dublin Blvd.
I remembered that street. It was after a place in Ireland - Connor took me here to get ice cream once before he left for college. Before all of this. The venue was on this street.
I could hear the ambulances raring from the block over - they knew I was gone and they were coming to find me.
Immediately, I wasted no time in running forward - which was more like limping with the pain in my side. I rushed toward the venue and inspected the front. No one was there, as well as the ticket booth being empty. Proceeding on, I moved to the door and found it locked.
Fantastic.
Looking around me, I found one of the ashtray stands by the venue and moved toward it. Lifting it with an amount of effort in my arms, I took a deep, preparing breath, and ran at the door with it. The end bashed against the door and it cracked to let me know it was beginning to give way.
Sighing and ignoring the pain in my side, I backed up and ran at the door again.
This time, it gave way for the stand and I immediately dropped it in all it's uselessness as the doors swung open slightly, broken. Sliding inside, I held my side as the rain no longer touched me. Pushing past the curtains that blocked the roaring crowd and blaring song of Just Friends, I stepped inside.
The whole world seemed to stop just for me.
The entire audience turned to look my disheveled appearance - my blood stained shirt and jeans, my entirely damp appearance, my weak eyes and trembling form. They stared at me in horror as they recognized me, but the band played on.
Until Nick saw me and halted his singing completely. Joe followed his eyes and halted, staring in complete shock. Slowly the band began to break apart from their playing as I stood, staring at Kevin's form.
His eyes moved up, halting his guitar as the music stopped and his gaze fell on me. Instantly, I saw his mouth drop in shock.
Without waiting, I was pushing my way through the crowd with no effort. They seemed to melt and part away at my presence as the fans in t-shirts stared at me, recognizing me and wondering if I was okay.
It was a moment before I moved to the end of the stage. Kevin was already rushing forward, but he didn't have to.
Two guards at the front took a look at me as I tried with little result to climb the stage. Kevin knelt and grasped my hands as the guards lifted my wet form and I stepped on the stage, trying my best not to cry out in pain. The entire studio was silent.
"Jess! Oh my God!" Kevin's voice was shocked, utterly strained, but I swallowed hard. "God, Jess, you're…oh my god." Was all he could manage.
Lifting a shaking hand as he yanked off his jacket and wrapped it around me, I touched his face. He winced at my hand and I half wondered whether it was because it was freezing and wet or he hadn't expected it.
"Kevin," I choked. "Why did you not want me to go on tour with you?"
Kevin stared at me.
"We have to get you off stage, to the hospital-"
"Kevin," I hissed. "Tell me."
He stared at me and swallowed.
"I thought…that I'd lose you."
I stared at him, ignoring the shuffling of the audience as they watched in silence. The band seemed to watch in silence too.
"I know it's stupid now, but I knew that if you were in the spotlight, people would want you. Guys would want you. Guys like Cody, that look better than I do, are smarter than I am." he continued. "I was an idiot."
I shook under his coat as he pressed on.
"The more I thought about it, the more I realize that I'd rather spend the rest of my life knowing that people want you because-"
I grabbed his shoulders. He halted his speaking.
"Nobody wants you," I murmured. "Like I do."
Kevin stared at me for a moment. The pain in my body was gone, but I could see the ambulance's people rushing into the venue from the door I broke. They must have tailed me. They were rushing toward the stage but Kevin was too quick.
His arms flew around my waist, the pain seemingly melted away at his touch. Had anyone else grabbed me, I'm sure I would have collapsed from the hurt, but Kevin made it all completely painless. In fact, it was almost blissful.
His lips crashed against mine, one of his hands moved up to my wet hair, his palm pressing against my cheek as he kissed me. Better than anything I've ever felt in my entire life.
This was what love was.
I didn't care if I never had other things normal teenagers had.

This was better than drugs. Better than drinking. Better than sex.
I didn't need any of it if it meant I could just be with him like this. Sex wasn't a factor - he touched my face and the feeling I got was better than anything those options could give me.
The paramedics were climbing the stage, attempting to beckon me toward them without actually touching me. I ignored them. Ignored the screaming and applauding of fans throughout the venue that thought this was part of the performance.
Kevin's arm slid under my weight, lifting me.
I grabbed his back, holding his hair as my legs encircled his waist.
Better than life.