little things book 2

this is possibly the worst day of my life. I can't stop thinking about him. it's like something's pulling on my mind and won't let go. HE won't let go. he just won't go away. But honestly, I don't want him to.

knock knock. the door makes that familiar thud because someone is at the door. The same person who was there yesterday, and all last week, and the one before that.... Billy. crap.

"Hey." I say when I answer the door. "hey." he says back, awkwardly waving his hand.” what’s up?" he attempts small talk.” nothing." I try desperately to keep the irritation out of my voice.” you busy?” he asks.” what do you want martin?" I begin to get angry. "I just wanted to.. "I cut him off.” to apologize? isn't that right?” I fill in.” yes." he stares at his shoes.” Billy, I already said it was okay. I'm over it." [I was kinda lying in that last part. I'd NEVER get over it.] "Yeah, I know." he says, not looking up.” But I really am sorry.” Billy, you shouldn't be! It's not my place anyway. I was just..." I didn't know how to end that sentence.

"I know. It’s okay. "He says, putting an arm around me as a tear silently slides across my skin. "Billy I'm sorry." I whisper. he puts both hands on my shoulders, and I fall into him, crying like a two year old. ’s okay. ‘s okay." he kept saying. he started to rub my back, to calm me. "I’m sorry." I said.” Milo, I forgive you.” he steps back from me to look me in the eye.

[Sniffle cough & sputter] I've gotta go." I finally say. "were?" he asks stupidly. sometimes, he's the most literal person ever. "to Forrest’s" I lie.” I’ll walk you there." he offers.[shxt] "sure." I manage to say, while the common sense in my head yelled at me. it did that a lot. it was so hard to please.

we walked in silence. that's the thing about Billy. he's so quite! call me paranoid, but I think he lives to irritate me. we've known each other since 1st grade. he's like my older brother. he protects me, plays with me, teaches me stupid guy stuff, always has a shoulder to cry on[as you've just experienced.], and is the only person who honestly thinks I'm not ugly. no one could possibly have such a best friend. we got there five minutes later.

"knock knock." I say, opening the door. Forrest is my best friend. her house is mine too. we share more than sisters.” hi!" she say, running down the stairs in jean cut offs, a black tank top, and attempting to put her hair in a ponytail. "well, see ya guys." Billy said.” Kay. bye!" Forrest waved.[we'd also known her since 1st grade.]

"what's up?" she asks. "Billy came to apologize, long story short, I ended up crying on him." I answered. "why, did you blame yourself?" she asks, knowingly. "yeah. I just can't get over it! it's so aggravating! I hate dwelling over it like a freggin' prep!" Forrest shuddered at the word prep. now, I guess this would be a good time to tell you what happened.

three weeks ago, Billy asked me if he could go out with this girl, linzi. I told him I’d live. later that week, I found him kissing her outside her house. like an idiot, I yelled 'get off him bxtch!' when she turned, it was half in confusion, half anger. Billy, who vowed not to go out with this girl, hung his head in shame. I felt so stupid! Billy wouldn't stop apologizing. he still thinks I'm mad at him. truth is, I love him more than best friends. and it's hard to see the one you love kiss some other girl twice. that's right, twice. before he even asked for my opinion, I caught him at it in front of his house, his face glued to hers! depressing? call me emo.


I spent the night there. I normally do on Saturdays. but today, I had a reason. we were throwing a pity party. joy.