chapter one

It was a rainy spring evening. Dark and cloudy, little did I know how much this would suite my mood for today. I remember this story quiet well if I do say so myself. I remember how everything was going so well. How I had told him I loved him. And mostly how he- well we'll get to that later. At the moment I was sitting at the computer talking to someone, Jon, who I had met online. We had been talking for about a year now. However, we had a pretty nasty break-up and Jon thought it would've been best if he was cut out of my life completely. It didn't stay that way though. It was May 31st and I had just IMed him. He had had a girlfriend, and broke up with her. He might have cancer, everything was just changing; everything was changing so quickly and I was not yet prepared for the emotional bagage I was soon to be carrying aroundwith me. When Jon left to see if he had cancer I thought everything was going to be ok, I mean I realized I loved him and we were like meant to be. For now though it was killing me. Waiting to find out if he had cancer was pure agony. I had just figured something out, and I really couldnt wait to tell him. He came back about 2 and a half hours later. When I got the news I almost cried. He had cancer in his kidney. I never thought I'd cry this much in my whole life, and I knew I was never going to cry this much ever again. How wrong I was. They didn't know how bad it was and I could barely see the computer screen through my tears; but I knew where they keys on the keyboard were by heart. I typed three simple words. Three simple words that described it all. I'm hoping that you know those words were 'I love you', not 'I hate you', although those would've worked too since I hated him for making me love him, until he told me he loved me too. Then I was happier than I've ever been and I knew he would live. He would make it through cancer, we were obviously meant to be. Once again, how wrong I was. Well, about the making it through cancer thing. The doctors called and told him and his family to come down so they could look at the pictures. He never came back. I had waited hours, but he never returned. His away message on AIM however said it all: "Rest in peace, Jonathan Robert Peters. You will be missed.
Jon was killed in a car crash today at 4:47PM. Please keep his family in your prayers; his mother, Linda, survived the accident and is currently in the ER suffering head trauma. The funeral service date is to be determined.
'Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.' -Eskimo Proverb."
I really don't think Jon deserved to die at only age fourteen, and I really don't think i deserved to have my whole life falling apart at only age thirteen. I had to get away. Just get away from all the pain, from all the hurt. There was no more love. No more joy. No more of those random outburts. No more me. I was gone. Everything inside me was gone. I didn't know what to do, I was scared half to death. You would be too, I mean Jon was my everything, it was pretty much him or nothing him or no one; and now he's gone leaving me all alone. 'Love is dead love is gone love don't live here anymore'. Why did God have to take Jon away from me when we were so clearly made to be? 'Love is dead love is gone love don't live here anymore' Jon made me laugh, he made me smile, but in the end he made me cry and he made me hurt. 'Love is dead love is gone love don't live here anymore' The day my hazel eyes cried way to many tears tocount, the day my dark brunette hair startedhanging in my face, the day Istarted hidinghow hurt I was,the dayI started pretending,lovewas dead love wasgone love didn't live here anymore.

Crediting the 'Love is dead loveis gone love don't live here anymore' part to Kerli's song 'Love is Dead'