A Cruise To India

Scence 1. Lalita is sitting at a computer.
Lalita:(She clicks the mouse) What's this? (She clicks agian) Are you serious? I won!! I won a free cruise to India!!!! Yes!!!!!!! (She rushes over and packs her bags. She runs off stage Left)
Scence 2. Rebecca walks on stage right. She is standing by the dock waiting for more passgeners to show up. James does some sort of terrible spy roll ontot he stage from Stage Right but messes up. He stands up, pretending he meant to do that.)
Rebecca:(Turning to James)Who are you?
James: Bond. James Bond.
Rebecca: (Chuckles) No seriously. What's your name?
James: Seriously, it's James Bond. My parent's last names were Bond and for some reason they thought it would be funny to name me James.
Rebecca: Okay...I won this cruise! I clicked on one of those pop-ups on a website and it was acually ligitimate!
James: I pried my cruise from the cold dead hands of my enemy.
Rebecca gives him a wierd look
James: Who are you?
Rebecca: Rebecca
James: Okay...
Lalita walks in from Stage Right
Lalita: Wow! I can't believe that I am going on a cruise to India!
James: (Suspicious) Who are you?!?!?
Lalita: My name's Lalita. I won a cruise.
Rebecca: So did I!
Lalita: Oh hi! I can't believe you won to!
James:I pried my cruise from the cold dead-
Rebecca: Shut up!
Pepper walks in Stage Right
Pepper: (Yelling over shoulder to someone off stage) Yeah, that's right! You'd better! Do that!( She bumps in to James. He jumps high into the air and pulls out his hand gun, which is really his hand.)

Pepper: What's all this then? (Turns to James) No hand guns on the ship!
James: We're not on the ship.
Pepper: Oh, you're right. Still, we're going on the ship, so put your gun down.
James: No hand guns?
Pepper: No, but shotguns, Tommy guns, bazookas, rifles, and missile launchers are all okay.
Lalita: Gee, I feelt safe.
Rebecca: (To Pepper) Who are you?
Pepper: (Pointing to name tag) Can't you read?
Lalitla: (Reads name tag) Pepper.
Pepper: That's Captain Pepper to you, and don't you forget it!
James: Why are you called Pepper?
Pepper: Becuase my parents named me that.
James: Why?
Pepper: (dramtically) Because I really *spiced up their lives.
Lalita, James and Rebecca snicker.

Pepper: You think that's funny?
James: No.
Rebecca: Great, our Captian is named after a delightful seasoning.
Pepper: That's enough chit-chat. All aboard!
Lalita: Aren't we going to wait for everyone else?
Pepper: This is everyone. You're the only ones who won the cruise.
James: I pried my cruise from the cold-
Lalita and Rebecca: Shut-up!
Pepper: And I'll need to know your names.
Lalita, James and Rebecca say thier names at the same time.
Pepper: That's good to know. Now, everybody get on.
Scence 3.

Lalita: I can't believe I'm on this yacht!
James: (Beckons Lalita and Rebecca closer) The reason I am on this cruise is because the captian is a spy for the Austalian government.
They look at him weird.

James: And I 'm here to keep an eye on her.
Rebecca: Well, if you're a spy, why are you telling us?
James: (Gives her a blank look) I don't know.
They go off thier separate ways. Pepper gpes to the bridge and steers the ship, Lalita and Rebecca go to thier room, James roams the halls pretending to be a spy.
Scene 4. James kicks the door to lalita and Rebecca's room. Lalita and Rebecca scream. James scream. They stop.

Lalita: Why are you screaming?
James. Well, you were screming, so I assumed that you saw somwthing scary.
Rebecca: Yeah, you!
James: (He begins to check the room) Oh, I just came in to check and see of there were any spies.
Lalita: Get out of our room!!!!
Rebecca calls the captain
James: I'll just be a minute. (He continues searching. Lalita and rebecca keep yelling for him to get out. James finishes checking the room. he throws the girls a salute.)
James: You room is 100% spy free!
Pepper walks in.
James: Was...
Pepper: What's this?!? We'll have none of this on MY SHIP!!!!!
James: You see?! Only a SPY would have the nerve to say that!
They all stop.
Pepper: You know very well what. (They state st each other for a moment. James walks out.)

Lalita: What was that all about?
Pepper: I think I know. (She sits down) I guess you guys have noticed that I've been acting like I've been hiding something.
Rebecca: Not rally.
(Pepper processes this information fora second.)
Pepper: Well, I huess then I was pretty good at hiding it! As a matter of fact I don't even know what it is! So as soon as I remeber, I'll tell you. Or, if you find out, tell me, would you? (Pepper walks out)
Rebecca: Sometimes I worry about those two.
Lalita: All the time I worry about us because she's driving the hsip.
Scence 5. The next morning. Rebecca stretches and yawns. Lalita sleepily walks to her.

Rebecca: Boy, did I sleep wonderfully last night.
Lalita: So did I! I wonder what's for breakfast?
Pepper: Breakfast is ready! Breakfast is ready! (She opens the door and walks in. Without reducing her volume, she announces that breakfast is ready.)
Lalita: Okay, geez! W're right here, you don't have to yell!
Pepper: Then get down to breakfast! (They walk towards the kiychen, where James is already sitting.) You know, I'm not much of a cook, but I try my best. (They arrive. Pepper lifts up a frying pan.) Um.. I can't remember if these were eggs or sausage paties, but help yourself. (She hands it to Lalita, who unenthusiastically sets it back on the table. She picks up a plate and hands it to Rebecca.) I hope you like your bacon crispy. (Just as rebecca puts the plate down, Pepper picks up a pitcher and another plate.) We've got no cream, so I hope you like black coffee...(She sets the jug down.) and I tried to make has browns, but eventually they turned into mashed potatoes, and I'm not sure why, but they turned rock hard. ( She sets the plate down. She shrugs.) Well, enjoy. (They all sit down. No one eats anything.)

Rebecca: We're on a cruise. Isn't the food supposed to be good?
(James points his gun at his food, staring suspiciously at it.)
Pepper: (standing) I said no hand guns on the ship!
James: (Standing) Your food winked at me!
Pepper: Nonsense! My food is fine! (She grabs something off of James's plate and eats it. She chews for several moments.)
Pepper: On second thought, let's see if we can get a pizza delivered.
Rebecca: To a yacht?
Pepper: (Slams fist on table. She breathes heavily.) Yes. To a yacht.
Lalita: I have a phone. (She pulls out a phone.)
James: I'll order it! (He grabs the phone and dials. James and Pepper both sit down.) Hello? Pizza Hut? Gives us...Two medium pizzas with...Ham and...Mushrooms on the other. Location? Uh...(He turns to Pepper.)

Pepper: W're somewhere in the Arabian Sea.
James: We're somewhere in the Arabian Sea. (He pauses) What do you mean you don't deliver tranaoceanic?!?!? (He hangs up. They sit in silence for a moment.)

Pepper: We could go catch some seals.
Rebecca: I would rather die.
Pepper: Oh.( She thinks for a moment.) Anyone like Hot Pockets?
Lalita: (She pushes her plate away.) It's better than seals.
Pepper: James, could you go get them please?
James: What?
Pepper: Could you get htem?
James: Why?
Pepper: Look, a SPY!!!!!!! (James turns and runs into the direction she pionted.)
Peper bekons the two closer.

Pepper: I remember what it was.
Lalita: Really?
Rebecca: What is it?
Pepper: I was planning a party.
Rebecca and Lalita stare at her blankly.
Rebecca: A party? Why?
Pepper: (She shrugs.) Because parties are nice.
Lalita: Can we have a party with four people?
Pepper: Of coarse! Why, I once knew a man who could throw a party with no one but himeslef. 'Coarse he also thought Grover Cleveland was still president.
Rebecca:Why would you want to keep a party a secret?
Lalita: I hope someone else would be catering.
(James storms in, waving a piece of paper madly.)
James: Alright, PEPPER! (He hands it to her) Mind explaining what *this* is?!?!? (He piont to the paper. Pepper scans over it.)
Pepper: It's recipe for blueberry pie.
James: EXACTLY! A recipe for---wait a minute. (He loks at it, grabs it, then puts a different piece of paper in her hand.)
Pepper: (After reading it) A shopping list.
James: (Smugly) Exactly! A shoppiong list! (He points to an item on the list.) What'sTHAT between cake mix and party hats?!?
Paper: It says "nuclear material'.
James: Yes, and it just so happens that Australia has been having a shortage of that recently!
Lalita: (Points to paper) Oh...but look. You wrote that in there.
James: I did not.
Lalita: It's not even in her hand writting.
Rebecca: (Sarcastically) Oh, but lok at the bottom, it says "James did not write nuclear material on the list". (They all look up at him)
James: What are you looking at me for?!? (He pionts to Pepper.) Didn't you taste her food? It tasted like spy!
Pepper: (standing up.) It did not! It tasted like charcoak!
Rebecca: It tasted more like dirt..
(James jumps up)
James: You are...not very nice!
Pepper: You're insane!
James: So are you!
Pepper: So??!?!
(There is a knock at the door. James walks over and answers it.)
James: Pizza? Yeah, I ordered a pizza. Hey! I ordered Ham not PEPPERONI you JERK! (He takes the pizzas and drops them on the table.) Pizza's here. (They all sit down and eat the pizza.)

Pepper: (stands) Well, I guess, I'd better go and steer the ship.
(Lalita, James and Rebecca look at her, alarmed.)
Lalita: Who's been steering it?
Pepper: (She thinks for a moment.) I really don't know about hat,
Pepper walks into the bridge and steers. Lalita and rebecca exit. James walk up to the door, loosens hie tiw and cracks his knuckles. He kicks down the door and rushes in.)

Pepper: What did you break down my door for? That was a good door!
James: (Points to shoe) This is a good shoe!
Pepper: Well, why did you have to break down my door?
James: I had to maek a dramatic entrance.
Pepper: Well, what did you come in here for?
James: Do you have any water?
Pepper: We're on a yacht. We're surrounded by water.
James: Do you have any drinking water?
Pepper: There's water in every cabin.
James gives her a suspicious look. After a moment, he pulls out a machine gun.

James: I know what you're up to.
Pepper:What are you talking about?!?!?
(James hits her over the head. She falls down.lalita enters stage right. She walks past the brocken door.)

Lalita: What happened to the door?
James: Don't worry about it.
(Lalita walks in a little further.)

Lalita: What did you do to the captian?!
James: She's a spy for the Australian government!
Rebecca walks in Stage Right and walks past eh broken door.

Rebecca: What happened to the door?
James: Don'rt worry about it!
Rebecca: What did you do to the captian?!
James: She's a spy for the Australian government!