first star i see tonight ||one||

chapter three

umbra

The next morning Teagan awoke with a start to the sound of her alarm. She had been having such a good dream – one that involved flying over the vibrantly green hills of the bay area – and it was very hard to wake back to reality. But, her realization of who she would be talking to after school steadied her growing fury toward the beeping of her digital clock, and she threw her legs off the side of the bed with a bit more enthusiasm than usual.

"I wish you weren't excited about this," Michael told her as she rapidly began going through the typical motions of her morning.

"You know, I was going to avoid the topic. But, seeing as you brought it up first," Teagan began, spitting toothpaste into the sink. "Why does Emily bother you so much?"

"She won't leave good enough alone," he mumbled.

"She's trying to help. She's-"

"She's trying to change you," he interrupted. "She's trying to make you who she was, just without her mistakes. And I know she means well, but I also know where she's been. I know what a slippery slope she's leading you down."

"I don't understand," Teagan complained quietly, out loud this time, as she fastened the last hook on her bra. She pulled her grey undershirt over her head and added in a frustrated whisper, "Why do you pick the worst times to not tell me things?"

"I'm just hoping you'll never have to understand," Michael said calmly.

Teagan brooded over his words the rest of the morning, and then she entered the kitchen, a few minutes later than usual despite her rush, just in time to see her dad leaving and her mom returning home.

"Morning, love," her mom said, beaming at her. "God, I'm exhausted. I'll see you when you get home."

"I'll be late, by the way," Teagan reminded her. "I've got an assembly today."

"Oh, right," Mary recalled, heading down the hall. "Have fun, darling."

"Yes, have fun," her dad said, reentering the kitchen to give her a swift peck on the cheek. "Don't get into trouble," he warned.

"Oh, and I was planning on going out back and doing meth during fourth period," Teagan said with feigned disappointment.

He eyed her warily and kissed her forehead, quietly departing with, "Bye, sweetheart."

"Bye, Freddie," she called to him. Teagan wasn't technically allowed to use her parents' first names, but she'd occasionally do so just to get a minor rise out of them. She heard her dad's groan and smiled at her success.

A few minutes later, Teagan was out the door. Unlike the previous day, she didn't plan an alternate route in order to avoid the busy intersection where she had encountered Emily. In fact, she hoped to run into her again that morning, even if it would mean being late for class. The senioritis had set in long ago, though they weren't even through the first semester, and she could care less if she sauntered in late to Dr. Rose's lecture on The Second Vatican Council.

But, Emily wasn't at the corner. Teagan crossed the street, a little deflated, and was at school soon enough. Immediately, she cursed Emily for not being there to delay her. Marie and Abby were sitting with Lizzie at her car, apparently waiting eagerly for their friend. Teagan had turned off her phone the night before; she'd had too much to think about. And she really didn't feel like discussing what she was going to audition with. The whole idea of getting up and singing in front of people made her slightly nauseous.

"Tey!" Abby squealed in delight, launching herself off the shiny blue metal of the car. "You really signed up! I'm so happy!"

"I didn't think you had the balls," Marie teased.

Teagan childishly stuck out her tongue, and Marie mockingly raised a single eyebrow.

"Well, I'm glad you guys are excited," Teagan grumbled. If this set the precedent for the day, she was not going home a happy camper. "I'm thinking I should cut my wrists before the audition. Maybe hang myself. Which is more dramatic?"

"Aww, come on," Abby moaned, wrapping an arm around Teagan's shoulders and leading her into the main building. "It'll be fun. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Teagan told her sternly.

The rest of the morning continued in the same fashion. And the girls used their lunch break to describe how much fun everyone would have doing Footloose. Well, everyone except Marie. She was absolutely delighting in Teagan's frustration, and she kept making snide comments which countered everyone else's encouragement. Teagan was ready to strangle her when the bell rang and the teachers began herding everyone into the gym.

"What do you think the chances of successfully ditching are?" Marie asked, slowly lagging behind everyone else.

"You know, as much as I hate you right now, I'd say we try testing our teacher's skills together," Teagan said, gloomily looking toward the large brick building everyone was filtering into.

Marie grabbed her friend's elbow, holding her back, and raised her eyebrows mischievously. Teagan was just about to agree, but her calculus teacher came up behind them with a stern look upon her old face. The girls faced each other with defeated looks and marched in with the rest of the blazer-wearing lemmings.

Really, the assembly wasn't that bad. The doctor who was working in an understaffed hospital in Africa gave a very moving presentation which made Teagan think that she might want to pursue something like that when she when into the medical field. But, still, she couldn't help fidgeting in her seat throughout the entire assembly. She wanted to talk to Emily.

"Relax, a few more hours won't kill you," Michael said, sounding a bit more annoyed than usual. "In fact, the longer you manage to stay away from your self-imposed destruction, the better."

"Will you please tell me what the hell you're talking about?" Teagan asked, her brow furrowing.

But, no answer came, and Teagan was left to slouch back in her cold, uncomfortable metal chair with an exasperated sigh. Abby and Lizzie both looked at her inquisitively, but she just shook her head and tried to once again pay attention. Finally, at the end of the hour and a half, the principal dismissed the students for their fifth period class. It was little relief to head off to economics, but at least the day was beginning to move along again.

The rest of the day moved just as slowly as usual, and Teagan bounded out of the classroom as soon as her last period ended. But, Lizzie swiftly followed her and placed a hand haltingly on her friend's shoulder. Teagan turned to face Elizabeth, ready to shoo her away, but the worried look made her stop a few feet from the door.

"Hey, Liz," she said casually, trying not to bounce up and down. "What's up?"

"Are you okay? You seem really" – she searched hard for the right word – "anxious today."

"I'm fine. It's just the whole musical thing. And the retreat tomorrow. I'm not in the mood for a retreat," Teagan said, finding it easy to lie. It was probably too easy. But, then again, her statement was half true. She was worried about those things; they just weren't preoccupying her at the moment.

"Look on the bright side," Lizzie reminded her, beginning to walk toward their lockers. "Senior free dress tomorrow."

"Oh yeah! I completely forgot!" Teagan exclaimed, genuinely smiling. "Well, that does make things a little better."

"I know. And," she continued, lingering next to Teagan, "I heard this isn't really a retreat. My sister said they talk to us about senior year and applying to college and the emotional aspect of it all, but then we just get to hang out with the guys for a couple of hours."

"Great," Teagan grumbled through gritted teeth. To her surprise, Lizzie giggled at the reaction. "What?" she asked, turning her head in annoyed inquisition.

"The PC guys aren't that bad, Tey," Lizzie told Teagan, rolling her eyes.

"They are, on the whole, completely immature. I've been forced into these stupid get togethers with them for the past four years. You can't pull the wool over my eyes here, Liz."

"Look, not all of them are bad," Elizabeth insisted. And then, with a too mischievous smile, she added, "You'll see."

Teagan immediately felt her face grow hot and her ears go red, and she yelled down the hall as Lizzie walked away, "You wouldn't dare!"

"You need someone to go to Winter Formal with," Liz shouted over her shoulder, laughing as she rounded the corner.

Teagan stood, fuming, in the middle of the hallway. Eventually, she made it to her locker, fetched her things, and, with a venting slam of the locker door, stomped off down the stairs to the parking lot.

She could not believe her friends were attempting to set her up with someone at this stupid retreat. What was this? Take-control-of-Teagan's-life week? First the musical. Now the date. Teagan glowered at her surroundings as she headed down the driveway. And then, as her anger subsided, she found herself surprised. Normally, Michael would be laughing his non-existent ass off at something so stupid.

"You're awfully quiet," she grumbled, a curious note to her thoughts.

"I don't find this amusing," Michael informed her as the rounded they corner onto the busy street they walked every day. "I don't like them trying to take over your life, either-"

"Oh, so now you're siding with me on the musical?"

"No, of course not," – there was definitely a smile in his voice – "but, Teagan, I'm your boyfriend. Well, 'boyfriend' doesn't really cover it. But, nevertheless, I don't need some human stealing you away."

"You're jealous?" Teagan laughed, a smile spreading across her face. This was a first, as far as Teagan knew. But, that was because guys never approached her. Her friends always said she looked too intimidating, too closed off. They had no idea of the reasons behind her consciously closed-off air.

"I may not be human, but I still have human emotions," he responded seriously, not at all liking her responsive laughter.

"Right. Sorry. Well, if it's any consolation, I promise not to think he's too cute. I've already got a date for Winter Formal."

"What?" Michael shouted. It sounded like he was choking on his own surprise.

"Yes, silly," Teagan said, rolling her eyes. She held one of her hands out a little from her body, to take his, even though she couldn't feel it. "You."

"Oh," – Teagan could almost feel the relief radiating from him as he took her hand – "Well, that's fine then. But, don't you need an actual human to go with you? It's a couples-only dance, isn't it?"

"I'll get one of the girl's brothers go with me," Teagan responded, shrugging. "Marie's younger brother's nice enough. I'm sure he'd be thrilled."

"Just make sure he's not too thrilled," Michael threatened.

"Relax. I'll make sure he knows we're just friends."

The two walked in silence for another block, holding hands inconspicuously. Teagan was so focused on the dance she completely forgot what the entire goal of her day was. But then, the sight of Emily sitting on the bus stop's covered bench easily jolted her back to the odd reality her life was becoming a part of.

"Hi, Emily," she said shyly, approaching the bench.

"Teagan. Michael," she greeted them both, standing. "Why don't we head back to that park? It's more private, and we wouldn't want anyone eavesdropping." They began to walk in silence back to the park, and Teagan contented herself with the questions racing through her mind before Emily spoke up, "Michael, dear, please don't worry so much about me. I'm not trying to hurt her."

Teagan raised an eyebrow, wondering what had passed between them. But, the rest of the walk continued in silence. Emily situated herself on the same bench they had occupied the previous day, and Teagan followed.

"So, I suppose I had better tell you why I've decided to instruct you in the first place," Emily began, looking with wise, knowing eyes to Teagan. "As I have already alluded to, my past was a dark one. One which I would sincerely hope you do not repeat. And yet, I was able to use my gift for a lot of good. I've seen your thoughts: your undying compassion, your purity of the soul. You would do well using your gifts to benefit the greater good; you would personally get a lot out of it. I can see that.

"But, you can't go throwing yourself into everything on your own. Oh, no. That was the path I took long ago, before I had even reached your age. And the consequences," Emily broke off suddenly, her eyes distant.

"So, then, you're going to teach me how to be a better psychic?" Teagan asked after a pause, annunciating the word as she tried to come to terms with it. She supposed she had always known, to some degree, that was what she was. Still, it was a strange thought.

"Yes, but that's not the goal of today's lesson," Emily said, her vacant eyes lighting up with a matronly smile.

"It's not?"

"Oh, no. Today, I will be teaching you about the Dark World," she informed her pupil. Teagan waited, entranced, wanting to know every detail. "I learned it by a different name, of course. The Universum Umbra. It's Latin, and it means the same thing. But, The Society is so ancient that Latin was the natural choice for them."

"The Society?"

"Ah, yes. You see, long ago a group of psychics realized that they needed to organize against the great evils of the world. And so they did. Their original name is lost to time, but the modern counterparts of that first organization simply call the group 'The Society'."

"And you're a member?" It wasn't really a question.

"No. I only was. My past forced me to part ways with the group. They've turned – well – the majority of them have turned against humanity. They've become power hungry fiends, bent on using their power for personal gain. Throughout all of history, such goals have never ended well.

"But, enough on them. They, hopefully, will be of little importance to you. What I wish to talk to about is the Dark World. It is the world to which you and I have our innate connections, and so we are able to transcend the typical abilities of a human being. But, it is not a kind place. Michael could assure you of that. I dare say that is why he does not wish me to talk with you.

"Anyway, the Dark World is a sort of – limbo, if you will. It's a physical replica of earth, down to the edge of every coast line. Though, it's not exactly the same. Most times, it's enshrouded in fog. And there are rainforests where deserts should be and deserts where lakes reign on earth. But, basically, the same. Do you follow me so far?"

Teagan nodded eagerly, wanting Emily to go on. This couldn't be real, and yet Teagan was completely entranced the possibility of it being so.

"As I said, it's a limbo. Souls of the dead of this world often pass through it on their way to their next life. It's a place of reflection. And, more often then not, it's a place of loneliness. Solitude is often conductive to reflection on a past life, after all. But, it is as close to hell as anything I've ever seen or heard of, besides this world."

"Wait, so you're saying the reincarnation theory is correct?" Teagan questioned. She had long ago given up what she viewed as childish ideas of heaven and hell. Still, it was strange to have someone validate a belief system so certainly.

"Oh, it's not so black and white," Emily responded in an off-hand way. "But, nothing beyond this world – nothing in this world, really – is simple enough to be understood completely by humans. But, yes, souls leave this world and eventually enter it again in a new form.

"And, along with these souls waiting to be reborn, angels and demons and other such creatures inhabit the Universum Umbra. They – don't take kindly to the human world, though, on the whole. That is the main reason being a psychic can be awfully dangerous."

"Even the angels don't like the human world?" Teagan questioned, looking a little shocked.

"Oh, as Michael could tell you, being born an angel does not make someone angelic," Emily said gravely, and Teagan had the distinct impression that her new mentor was speaking from experience. "But, anyway, those are the basics. I think that nicely concludes your first lesson."

"That's it?" Teagan questioned, startled. She looked around, unwilling to return to the normal world. "But, I've got so much time!"

"Yes, but I think baby steps are best, Teagan," Emily responded.

"But, I have a question."

"Yes?"

"Why is this – Dark World – so dark?" Teagan asked, her eyes piercing.

"Ah," Emily sighed, leaning back a little. "It was once only a place of the souls and the angels meant to guide them. But, the dark angels – the demons – soon decided to try steering the human world in a horrible direction by poorly influencing the human souls passing through the Universum Umbra. Wars broke out. And, at the end of them, those with dark intentions outnumbered those with good. It has been that way ever since. The Dark World, essentially, is a battle ground for the fate of humanity." She paused, looking carefully at Teagan with her dark eyes. "Darling, are you alright? You're as pale as a ghost."

"Yeah, I just – I'm trying to soak it all in," she said. All she could think about were those poor souls, caught between right and wrong as they tried to make it back to earth.

"Oh, don't worry," Emily assured her, picking up on the thoughts rushing through Teagan's head. "Most of them make it out alright. The good, I assure you, outnumber the bad in this world. Even if it doesn't seem that way." – She sighed, and then Emily began to look through her paper grocery bag of possessions. – "You know, you're even better suited for all off this than I imagined. So strong. So hopeful. Such a good heart. I was going to wait, but I think I'd like to give you something."

Teagan watched as she pulled a tarnished silver chain from the bag. Eventually, an ornate amulet emerged at the end of it. The ancient silver flourishes wrapped around a crystal as clear and sparkling as any Teagan had ever seen. It looked horribly expensive.

"I can't take that," she argued, holding up her hands. But, Emily ignored her and placed the thick chain around her pupil's neck.

"It suits you," she mused, smiling.

Teagan took it in her hands, tilting it in the light and watching as different facets caught the sun.

"How old is it?" she asked, not looking up from the rosebud-sized gemstone.

"Oh, that's not important," Emily responded, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "What's important is that you keep it with you at all times. It will help you on your journey ahead. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Teagan murmured, still mesmerized by the antique necklace.

"Let's go," Michael told her suddenly. His voice was clearly agitated.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then?" she asked Emily. "I get out around five."

"Tomorrow," Emily agreed, smiling. "I'll see you two then."

Teagan stood and, waving, made her way back to the main road. As soon as they were a fair distance away, Michael started.

"Take it off," he commanded.

"Why?" Teagan asked, startled. "It's just a necklace."

"It's an amulet. A powerful one, based on its aura. And it's dangerous. Chuck it in a trash bin."

"No! It's just –"

"It has a connection to the Universum Umbra. It'll only bring danger. I'm your guardian angel, Teagan. I'm supposed to protect you. And I know better than you, so take the damn thing off," he growled as they crossed the street.

"No. You can't tell me what to do!"

"Can't I?"

"Absolutely not. Free will, remember? The same force that made you my guardian gave me the ability to tell you to fuck off."

"Teagan Ashley Mackenzie, take it the hell off!"

"No!" she exclaimed, ears growing red as her lips pressed into a thin line.

"Teagan, please," he pleaded. His voice still had a hard edge to it, but he really was begging his charge. "This isn't going to end well. You have to end it now, before things get out of hand."

"I – I can't, Michael," Teagan said, and her voice was a whisper in her mind. "Since I was a little girl, I've known I was different. And I've always hated myself for it. And I have always wanted to know what was behind – well – my own existence. Now Emily can explain all of that. I can't end it. I'm sorry."

"Please," he asked, one last time.

She brooded, knowing he was listening to her every thought. On one hand, Michael cared for her. She knew that. She knew following him would keep her safe. On the other hand, though, Teagan was tired of being safe but utterly confused and rather depressed by the fact that she couldn't hear or see or touch or kiss her boyfriend. No, Michael was right. Boyfriend didn't cover it. She couldn't even hold the hand of her soul mate. And it was driving her absolutely mad. Teagan knew Emily could help; she trusted her instincts about the woman.

"Your initial instinct was to run," Michael reminded her, sounding like an angry child as they entered through the front door.

"I was wrong," Teagan responded. If she was being honest, she wasn't completely sure if she should trust Emily. Michael seemed so adamantly against her, after all. But, she had to give this a shot. Their paths hadn't crossed without purpose.

Michael stopped pleading then. He had known Teagan her entire life, and he was wise enough to know when she would no longer turn back from a decision. Teagan was seeing this through, even if it was to the bitter end.