The way her fair fell across her hazel eyes made me see her sadness. I reached out to move it but she moved away. Her eyes locked with mine as she muttered, “You have a choice so make it.” Her words hit me hard and all I could do was watch her walk away.
“A choice, what choice,” I was asking myself. She can’t think I would walk away but I haven’t been the best boyfriend. A choice, her or something, I don’t know I thought. I walk around not really caring if I am late. I walk into the class still repeating those words; you have a choice so make it. What god damn choice is there to make? I can’t figure out what she wants from me. She finds comfort in pen and paper, while I find it in words. I sit in my seat, and say hello to who ever said my name. A choice, it has to be made but what do I have that angers her. I look around trying to find some sign of a choice. I pass over faces that mean nothing until one says my name. I look intently upon them, trying to remember who they are to me. I finally see their hand brushing against my skin. The touch I brush off but I feel it placed upon me again.
“What?” I ask. I am not in the mood for this.
“She isn’t right for you. I saw her hugging some other guy,” the words came out but I could not believe those lies. This person always lies. So what if she hugged another guy? She is worth so much more than I deserve to have and she could do so much better but she is with me and not someone else. I see the person whispering, “I can’t wait until that bitch leaves.”
Those words, a choice, come to my mind. This is that choice to stand up or just let them talk? A simple choice, but can I make it?
Hair fell across my face and he moved to move it but I wouldn’t let him touch me. I couldn’t let him in fear of the tears that I knew would come pouring out if he did. “You have a choice so make it,” I said.
I walked away leaving my heart in his hands. For there is nothing I can do but a wait my fate. I remember the saying loving someone is giving them your heart and trusting them not to break it. Yet I seem foolish to think he will ever make a choice. Or at least not the one I want him to make. He won’t make a choice, he won’t fight my battles, or save me because we are both fighting our own fights, praying that it will all stop and we can both settle in for a nice long break from life. I want to be in his arms right now. Just telling him that I know so many things and that I will do what ever he wants if he choices me.
Maybe I don’t need him at all because I realize how simple life would be without him but I see how empty my heart would be and how broken I would become. I step back towards where I saw him go. The class was silently writing but he was staring puzzled at the doorway.
My face resembled his, my thoughts were his and we were one. He knew that I was okay that it is all fine, knew that I could protect myself, knew that I could save myself from now on, and knew that I loved him. I knew the same things about him. Tears started to fall from my eyes and he abruptly stood and walked to me. Gently he moved my hair, his eyes on mine. Then our lips meet both rough and red but soft to the touch. The passion that had been locked up tight just came flooding out. The kiss stopped and I turned to a girl, I had come to hate, and said dripping with sarcastic sweetness, “You can count down all you want but I will always be with him and metaphorically speaking here as well. So don’t you dare try a thing because if I find out, well you are D-E-A-D, dead.”
Her eyes widened and she moved her mouth to speak but was cut off. “Don’t say a fucking think,” his voice came from behind me. A smirk came upon my face. He made his choice and I could not help but to glow a little more. Here I was fighting my own battles but having some one to help me. I realized he had been all along. Yet I had never helped him.
“I am always here for you, to help you,” I said.
“I can protect myself,” he said.
“So can I but it is always nice to know someone is there,” I said.
He nodded. Both of us walked hand-in-hand until it would end. When it would end, I no longer cared to know, for if it was now or never, I could always say I had him. I may love him until the end but I don’t need him until the end if it is what happens.
I discover myself each time I am near him. And today I discovered that I don’t need someone to safe me because we are all saving ourselves little by little. Also I discovered that I don’t need love to be happy. I just need my writings and my own imagination to really be happy. So I have a bonus with me, standing hand-in-hand with me, Ahmed, the man I love, but the man I can live with out now.
