After Her Death

Her world was crumbling down around her. The one thing that kept her sane was gone. Through their horrible past they were able to go on. Or at least she thought they did. She didn’t know anymore. Hogwarts was probably the most bittersweet thing that has ever happened to her. So much trouble and so many good memories. The only place they could call home was also a place they could call hell.
Her blank face told it all, ironically. Life zipped past her as she sat on the common room couch. She could see many grim faces, but sadly, not enough. She pulled her chewed fingers through her short shaggy hair. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, ‘no weakness’ she said in her head. She felt someone sit beside her, but she had enough of the stupid counselors. She heard a masculine sigh next to her; surprised she sat up. She came face to face with the person she loathed. As she stared at him in fury she couldn’t help but see pure self-hate in his eyes. She looked down at her hands and her eyes glazed over. ‘No weakness’ she repeated again in her mind.
“Kill me,” the boy next to her whispered in her ear and she turned to him.
“Well, you’ve already killed my sister, I think it’s your job to kill me” she said in pathetic sarcasm. She punched him in the face and ran out of the common room. Sirius sat back and let tears fall down his face.
“What have I done?” he buried his face in his hands and sobbed. A purple mark was slowly appearing over his left eye. People walked by as if everything was normal. As if a 7th year Gryffindor crying on the couch was completely routine. Even though he was their beloved Marauder that kept them laughing, they didn’t have the guts to ask him what was wrong. They walked past in whispers and huddled groups. Sirius wiped his eyes and slowly got up and trudged up the boys’ dormitory stairs. He wished he could give up, throw it all away. He wanted to let go and give himself the worst punishment he could think of. But he knew that doing that would be the worst decision he would ever make. Letting Moony, Prongs, and Wormy down would not be his last act. I especially wouldn’t do that to Remus. Even thought the selfish act would be the easiest thing he’s done, he wouldn’t let everyone crumble after his death. But this wasn’t about his death, it was about hers. Everything he could have done to aggravate the situation, he did. He was the last straw. If he only knew. He had done this cruel act to many girls before without a thought or care. But she was different. He was the last straw, and with that thought another tear slid down his face. He was the reason. She’s gone now and she’ll never come back. That was one thing that was definite. What he thought was an innocent fling, killed herself in Ravenclaw dormitory. He didn’t know anything. He didn’t know what she had been through or that she was so depressed. He didn’t know that he was her last hope. He didn’t know and that was his fault. He slammed his head on his pillow and wallowed in self-hate.


Her knuckles were sore and the muscles in her legs were starting to cramp. She was running and she had no idea why. She was running mindlessly through passageways and halls, not caring where she ended up. She wanted to run away and not face reality. She wanted to give up as her sister did. She hated her sister and admired her at the same time. Her sister left her all alone. She was sure that her sister thought because she seemed okay, that she was. She was too consumed in her own pain to even notice Adhara’s. She didn’t think, she hid her misery so well that no one would notice, but she guessed that’s what happened. She definitely didn’t hide it, that’s for sure. Vega sure didn’t look the part of miserable. She had beautiful golden tresses and wore the most outrageously girly outfits. But she was the only person to go to. They shared the same problems and they were best friends. Being best friends with your sister is pretty hard. Her sister was a year older than her and yet she seemed like years younger. All the maturity in the relationship was in the arms of Adhara, the younger, stronger sibling, the one that hides her feelings to be strong for her older sister. It seemed sort of backwards but Adhara hadn’t known anything else.
Only hours ago had she learned that her sister committed suicide. It felt like years. It was all because of that Sirius Black, The essence of evil, and enemy number one in her books. He slept with her sister and dumped her. He was known for that, but of course her fragile, weak sister had to fall for his tricks. Adhara stopped running and collapsed onto the cold hard floor. She seemed to be somewhere deep in the dungeons. She didn’t care one bit and she started to let herself go. She cried. Adhara never cried. She pressed her face against the dungeon floor and stared at the tears that stained the dusty floor. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

“She’s dead?!” James screamed at Sirius. Sirius closed his eyes for a moment before he replied,
“Yes, she k-killed herself.” He tried to keep his composure.
“J-James, It’s all my fault!” He said to James.
“W-what have I done?” He said sobbing into his hands. James had never seen Sirius like this. Not even when he ran away or got disowned. The thought of Vega limp on her bed with her wand in her hand made James shudder. James sat down trying to register what was happening. How was it Sirius’s fault?
“Pads, what does this have to do with you? How is it possibly your fault?” James asked worry flooding his eyes.
“I slept with her James, and then I ditched her! She killed herself because of me!” Sirius cried into his hands.
“She had a hard life before I came around and I was the last straw!” Sirius said looking James in the eyes. His eyes were red and puffy and he had a visible black eye.
“Oh God Sirius.” James said putting his hand to his messy hair.


Adhara woke up cold and uncomfortable. She didn’t care though. The only emotional support she had was her sister. Sure she had acquaintances in classes and her teammates in quidditch, but no real cry-on-each-others-shoulder friends. She slowly raised herself off of the cold dusty dungeon floor. She looked around and she had no idea where she was. She groaned.
“Eeny meeny miny moe,” she said under her breath she closed her eyes and spun around. She faced the direction of a wall. She rolled her eyes and spun again until she faced a hallway. She started walking. She had no idea if it was day or night because the dungeons are to be dark 24/7. She had walked for well over an hour before she heard hushed voices. She pushed her body against a wall and scooted till she came to a corner she could see where the voices were coming from.
“Prongs I feel so fucking horrible! I feel like I’m going to barf—“ Sirius said before he was interrupted by James.
“Look! She’s like right here!” he said in an excited whisper. She inhaled sharply before she stared scooting in the other direction.
“Come on let’s go!” James said and they rushed over to where she was. She muttered a small cloaking charm and tried to stay quiet.
“We know you’re here. We don’t want to do anything to you. I just want to tell you how sorry I am—No there’s no words that could explain how much fucking regret I have. I’ll go and shave my head if it made you feel better. I’ll jump off a cliff. I’ll be your slave. I’ll do your homework for an eternity! Please!” Sirius said. He almost thought he said that to nobody before a short girl appeared out of nowhere.
Adhara glared at Sirius. “I don’t think you can do anything to make me feel better. My sister and my best friend just killed herself. Partly because of you. I don’t know what you could possibly do but let me think about it.” She said, her sarcasm cutting Sirius’s spirit. He was visibly hurt and she faltered a little. She wasn’t used to hurting people’s feelings, but she soon put her stony exterior back on.
James had seen her slip up and he knew that she didn’t completely hate Sirius.
“Come on Sirius,” James muttered and they turned and started down a hallway. Adhara waited a second or two before she followed them. ‘They probably knew how to get out of this bloody maze’ she thought. She was mindlessly following them and before she knew it they stopped. Of course she walks into them.
“Were you following us?” Sirius said a slight smirk appearing on his face. He couldn’t help it.
“Uhh well,” she bit her lip. It wasn’t the sexy lip chewing every boy craves. It was making-your-lips-bleed biting. “I have no idea where I am, and you guys seem to…” she said embarrassed.
“Okay, follow us.” James said grinning. Adhara just kept on glowering. She rubbed her eyes and followed the tall boys. She walked silently behind them as they whispered to each other. Sirius kept looking at her in the corner of his eye. Every time he saw her, he saw Vega. They had the same big sad brown eyes. He had never scored with a melancholy chick before. Sirius shook his head at his own shallowness. He aimed to shag every decent looking girl in his year. He spotted the tall blonde girl with James in Charms class. They agreed if he scoring with her would be ridiculously easy. All you had to do was tell her he loved her and the legs opened wide. That seemed funny a couple days ago but now when he thought about his cruelty he had to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment to keep in his tears.