As I ran my fingers over the letters I’d gauged in to my arm, I read out loud,
“Little miss nothing.”
This was how I felt about myself since my life had been crushed. With no family, friends or confidence I felt alone in this very big world. As I sat cowering from the world in the dark and gloomy corner of the local park, I closed my eyes and felt the bitter winter wind blow across my face. It prompted me to think, what if I was warm? I began to loose myself in a world of dream. I hated when that happened as I, sooner or later, had to return to the real world. I imagined what it would be like if someone who loved me held my body close to theirs in a tight embrace in which our hearts bonded over a warm love which we shared. All I could do was dream. I slowly walked to the cold building I called home. I stood outside the door and braced myself. I knew mum would be drunk but I didn’t know if I could handle it again. Don’t get me wrong, we loved each other and there was always food for me to eat but happiness was at a lose mum was seriously depressed. That night I cried myself to sleep.
At school the next day I followed my routine. I walked into the class room and listened to the whispers,
‘I dare you to ask if you can see her scares’ one boy whispered.
‘She’s such an ‘emo’ a group of girls giggled
I walked quietly to the table at the back of the room and sat on my own as usual.
“ Girls and boys!” our teacher exclaimed as he walked in to the room “ this is Jordan, he’s new so make him feel welcome.”
He turned to face Jordan “choose a seat young man”
I scoffed knowing he wouldn’t sit next to me. All the girls giggled as he walked past them. I studied him as he got surprisingly close to my desk. He was wearing a pair of really baggy jeans and a red ‘Element’ t-shirt, which looked slightly too big as it hung off his broad shoulders. He carried a worn out skateboard in his left hand and a pair of ‘DC’ shoes poked out from under his jeans as he dragged his feet closer to me. His big mess of curly, black hair bounced as he stopped and spoke, breaking my train of thought.
“Mind if I sit?” he asked in a sweet voice.
I shook my head shyly as I realised how tall and broad he actually was and how he looked like a teddy bear.
“I’m Jordan,” he said interrupting my thoughts once more “and whom is this beautiful girl sitting next to me?”
“Great your cheeky” I said sarcastically “I’m Jess”
“So…” he mumbled trying to make conversation.
“What music are you into?” I said breaking the silence.
“Anything really. My favourite bands have to be ‘Rage Against The Machine’ and ‘Blink 182’. You?’
“Anything. But I’m more into the heavier stuff. You know ‘Marilyn Manson’ ‘Skillet’ but ‘Blink’ are cool.”
“ I hope you don’t mind me asking but why are all the girls giving you evil eyes?”
“Well, I do mind you asking. Keep your nose out of my business!”
I was doing what I always did. As soon as someone tried to get me to open up I shut them out. It was a defence mechanism.
Jordan mumbled an apology. Then I did something I’d never done before,
“I didn’t mean to snap at you it’s just a touchy subject” I’d apologized “It all happened two years ago…” I drifted into my story. “I stopped talking to my dad cause he was an arse hole. His new skanky girlfriend took it in to her own hands to ruin my life. She told her daughter to turn all my friends against me. She told lies, spread stories and eventually left me friendless. My dad then started to verbally abuse my mum who turned to alcohol to help her cope. After that my granny and all my aunties, uncles and cousins on my dads’ side stopped talking to me. The stress and depression lead me to self-harming. Now I’m labelled a freak and no-one likes me” I’d apologized and opened up.
“Wow I shouldn’t have asked … I don’t think you’re a freak. I actually think you’re quite cute.”
After school Jordan walked me home that small gesture meant the world to me.
That night we spent hours talking on msn. We didn’t talk about anything important. Just what it felt like to be alone. He told me all about were he’d come from and his what his old friends were like. After a few months of our friendship I started to feel something I hadn’t felt before. I got butterflies in my stomach when he looked at me I blushed when he touched me, even if it was just a high-five. One day Jordan and I were sitting in the same dark corner of the park that I had been cowering in months before when he did something so totally out of character. He looked at me with his chocolate brown eyes, thing is it wasn’t just a look, it was a look that saw my deepest, darkest fears, a look that made you feel like you were in love. That’s when it happened; Jordan leaned in, without breaking eye contact he stroked my cheek with his enormous but gentle hand before placing his lips against mine. Before I knew it we were kissing, it was so soft and caring. Jordan then decided to shock me even more,
“Jess… how do you feel about coming over to mine for a drink?”
“Well, I suppose…”
Jordan broke off my sentence with a nervous stutter,
“You don’t have to if you don’t want you know”
Just when I thought he’d finished he added another nervous sentence so his rant,
“ We’ll just watch a film we wont do anything… well… unless you want to”
“Shut up Jordan” I snapped “I’ll come over. God paranoid much?”
“Sorry Jess” he mumbled.
We kissed again.
We arrived at Jordan’s house at 7 that evening. We sat down to watch a film but that didn’t last to long. After about half an hour we were kissing passionately, tugging at each other’s clothes and breathing heavily. Jordan broke the kiss and whispered,
“It’s your decision”
With a smile I lead him up to his bedroom. We kissed as he took off my t-shirt. We rolled around giggling and well you can guess what followed.
