>[Switch][1]

Author's Note: If I hadn't before, Jeff is going to switch to Jack. I like the name Jeff too much, and the character is supposed to be a jerk. And since there's this kid in my school who's name is Jack and everyone hates him, his name is now Jack.

And no, I am not breaking the law

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Girls' Instincts vs. Boys' Instincts

Life as a boy has been good. I guess, I'm so used to being a boy that I didn't really care about how I look–I mean, I do, but not like a girl. I haven't worn make-up forever. I don't care how much I eat (I have a pretty high metabolism), I'm not afraid to swear, and so on. They're my boy instinct, things that girls actually care about. I don't cry, either. It really is really scary how much more guy-like I've been since...well, since I was a girl, actually. I actually feel like I am a boy. Besides the whole boobs-actress pad and the penis thing. But I mean, hypothetically, I am a boy.

There's just one problem with that.

I'm in love with Drew.

I mean, I don't know about the "L"-word thing, but I don know for a fact that I at least like him. But, you know, with me being a boy and all, um, I don't think it's exactly normal for me to like him, unless I was gay. Which I am not, unless I was attracted to girls, and that doesn't exactly make any sense, since I'm supposed to be a guy, and if guys were gay they'd be attracted to guys. I obviously don't show my likeness–and by doing that, I just treat him like Norman, Rick or Dallas. Hank, I mean, he's perverted. It's like impossible to treat him like a human. I'm actually kind of surprised he's a nerd. I mean, nerdy guys do care about a girls' hooters and how hot they area, but from the way Hank acts, I would expect him to be like Jack, who squeezes every girls' but he sees (well, all the popular or nerdy girls), or Zak, who once asked Barbara Ryans–this girl who flirts with me all the time–if she wore a DD water bra, in October. Hank is like that. So I'm kind of wondering why he doesn't hang out with them. He also gets along perfectly well with Jack and Zak. And Randy...well, none of the other guys knows he's gay. Besides, since his parents kicked him out (apparently, being just naturally gay is "against their religion," which could be true, but I don't think that's the case. I heard that his uncle was queer, because I head him calling his parents about his gay uncle that they disapproved of)–he's been living with me. I mean, we do have plenty of room is our giant house. So he's like a brother now. He's been here after the video game/pool thing, and my parents, as not being Chinese, don't care. That's why I love Mom and Dad.

And Drew...well, I like him. When I was a girl, I flirted with every guy I saw, except for maybe Trevor and my dad. But, as a guy, er, I can't exactly do that. So, Drew is like the one I talk to and hang out with the most. That's one of the reasons why I like him. A lot.

Another reason is because he's not like other guys. Okay, yes, he's disgusting. Yes, he's perverted. Yes, he has that male ego. And yes, he is...a guy. But there's just something about him that's not like Dallas, Norman, Rick, Hank, Marion, Shawn, Alec and Randy, of course. I think it's the fact that he actually cares. He actually expresses his care about other people's feelings, and actually helps other people out. Like, dude, no offense to the male race, but most guys don't really do that as much as girls.

And Drew is really hot. It's kinda embarrassing to say that, since I feel so much like a dude, but it's true. Okay, Drew's definitely not blond, black or red haired. So what? His chocolate brown hair with his bright emerald green eyes go really well together. His face isn't t flawless–which is cool, because I normally never care. He's practically five inches taller than me, but no one seems to care about our height differences either, as best friends. He's not totally buff or anything, with the muscles and the six pack (okay, I don't know. I've never seen him shirtless before...), but he does have abs and some muscles.

Okay this is embarrassing to talk about.

Anyways, it's like the end of December, right before Christmas break. As a girl, I would have my friends present and handed them out at school, but as a guy, I am definitely not doing that. I mean, first of all, the guys would kill me for publicly embarrassing them, because I highly doubt they'd want to be seen at school being handed Christmas gift from one of their dude friends. Except for maybe Randy, but he doesn't count. I'd embarrass myself, anyways. Guys don't do that kind of stuff.

Which reminds me–Norman broke up with Sienna . They had made a really cute couple–they both had dark their and clear blue eyes. But apparently, what Jack had said that Drew told was true. Sienna had been cheating on Norman with this popular peanut-brained jock named Wilson, so when Norman told her knew, he broke up with her. Then Sienna had broken up with Wilson to get him back, but Norman just pushes her away. I kinda feel sorry for her, but she got what she deserved.

Later I told the guys that "Becky" broke up with me online–if I broke up with her, then they'd think it was because I like some girl here, which, obviously, is not true. Drew tried to comfort me about it, but I convinced him I was okay. I would have preferred it for him to comfort me, but it would just be for nothing. Hank had been trying to hook me up with a bunch of girls who liked me since, and even this gay named Alfonzo. First of all, who the hell names their kid Alfonzo? Second of all, er, no. Third of all, why do all these girls have to like me?!

Like, today in the library, where I was looking for another book by Kerouac or some other beat (whoo! I finished On The Road!), I see this popular junior, and her friend looking around. Apparently, they were looking for Lisi Harrison (oh my god! I read her books when I was twelve!) and didn't know if she came before or after K. (I know I can't exactly blame them, since sometimes it's confusing) and I decided to help them.

"What book are you guys looking for?" I offered. The girls looked up at me, startle, but smiled, embarrassed.

"Er, we're looking for Lisi Harrison," said the one girl. "L-I-S, right?"

"No, I think it would be H-A-R," I said, being nice. "Since they go by last names."

"See, Sammi, I right!" said the other girl. Sammi shrugged. "Whatever. Thanks," she added to me.

"No problem," I said, smiling. "You read the The Clique?"

"Hey, how did you know?" asked the second girl. I thought of a quick lie.

"Well, my sister reads it all the time," I said. This was a kind of truth. Wilma did read it, but she didn't really like it, only because the characters were like twelve, and, well, kind of acted like how Wilma was right now, though she wasn't really the revenge-type. Plus, Wilma really is really opinionated.

"Aw, that's sweet," said Sammi, obviously thinking that I had a younger sister. "Thanks."

"No problem," I said, grinning. "On the first book?"

"Yeah," said Sammi, blushing. Naturally, and now being a boy - having the tendency to be nice to both sexes - I got the first The Clique book and handed it to her. She smiled.

"Hey, what's your name?" she asked.

"Terrence," I replied. "I'm in tenth grade, though. And I'm new."

"It's okay," she said, flashing me a set of white teeth. "I'm Sammi Jo, and this is Paula. Er, my friend and I are having party this Saturday–don't worry, their parents aren't home–" she winked at me "–and I was wondering if you wanted to come!"

"Er, no sorry, I have plans," I replied. Okay, this is creepy.

Number one: I freaking just met this girl!

Number two: "Don't worry, their parents aren't home"? Um...ew! I don't need suggestive girls. Though it sounds like a thing I might've said as a girl. Wow, I was a slut.

Later, I met up with Drew, Randy, Hank and Rick in homeroom, a.k.a. Science. We occupied a back table to our selves and we were talking quietly, since Jack and his friends were talking loudly and obnoxiously flirting and teasing Barbara Ryans, the popular (but kind of nice) slut.

"Did you guys make a home run yet?" asked Drew.

Okay, I confess. We were talking about sex. (Hey, we're–I mean, they're–testosterone driven men! Seriously, I can't help it!)

"Dude, sorry, but I'm still a virgin," said Randy, rolling his eyes.

"Why, did you?" I asked. Drew blushed, and Rick, surprised, said, "So, dude, you're saying he didn't tell you yet? You guys are like best friends!"

"So you're not a virgin?" I said. "Dude, that's nothing to be ashamed of! Congratulations!" (Okay, a little too perverted to for me...but it's a thing a typical guy would have said.)

"So, who/when did you lost it to?" said Randy eagerly. Although this was not typical of him–he being gay and all–I didn't blame. Him. One couldn't help wondering. Drew just grinned and said, "Eight grade; this hot tenth grader."

"Dude!" I said enthusiastically, again. "Nice on!" We high-fived. (WHOA, creepy of me...I hate hormones. Well, actually I don't have boy hormones. Stupid Hank influence! And stupid tampon being shoved up my ass!)

"Yeah, well, back in the eighth grade, he wasn't so Drew-ish as he is now," said Rick. "I had sex like, ten times. First time was last year with some senior at one of Jack's parties. We were both drunk, though. Thank God she went to college."

"Senior?" I said. "Damn, Rick."

"So, Terrence, you get to home base yet?" asked Drew.

No, I had not, to be truthful. On the other hand, I happen to be a girl. But if I told them I hadn't, they'd suspect me gay (because we just kind of passed by Randy's answer), on top of the fact that I had refused to date after "breaking up" with "Becky." So, er...

"Hell yeah," I replied. "Do you honestly think a guy like me hadn't?"

Wow, male ego. Now I have that thing going on. Not that it's a bad thing...I am trying to be more masculine. But, shit, I always hated that brain self-absorbed-ness guys always had. Now I'm adapting to it?

Shit, shit, shit.

"Nice," said Rick, slapping me five. "With that bitch, Becky , who borke up with you online? The pervert was right, you know. Long-distance sucks."

"Yeah, well, screw Hank," I replied. "I didn't lose it to Becky–I lost it last year to a junior, but I definitely see Beck's tits."

"Nice!" said Rick. "Where they a D?"

(WHAT THE HELL!! WHY THE HELL AM I HAVING THIS CONVERSATION?? ERASE, ERASE, ERASE!!)

Yeah, I'll just skip over that part, the rest of the conversation–so you don't need to know about the disgusting perverted hormonic things I said. We were all acting very...guyish. Even Randy. Probably because, girl or boy, gay or straight, we were all aroused by the subject of sex. Scary.

After Chemistry class, I was walking to Art until that popular slut Delilah came up to me. She stopped me in the middle of the hallway swarmed with sophomores, and, twirling her hair, she said, "Hey Terrence."

"Er, hi," I said, kind of hesitantly. "What's up?"

She laughed. "Oh, nothing much," she replied, leaning towards me. "Anyways, Jack Ronzo is holding a party next Wednesday. You drink, right?" She flashed a set of her teeth.

"Oh, er, not really," I lied. (Last year, when I went to parties "like that", I drank all the time). Delilah laughed.

"Oh, you are so funny," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder and leaning closer. "Wow, you are strong."

Um, not, I am not. I have the body of a girl. I can barely bench one hundred pounds. I'm five-five, which is an inch shorter than Delilah. And I'm only one hundred and twenty-two pounds because I have an awfully small build, and that isn't very, er, heavy for a guy this height. Or a girl, either. And, er, muscles are one of the many things I am missing as a guy.

"Oh, thanks," I said, turning red, but not because I was flattered. Delilah winked at me.

"No problem, babe," she said huskily, rubbing my shoulder and smiling at me. "So, do you want to go to the party with me? Jeff's parents are out of town and aren't getting back till next Friday. What do you say, Terrence?"

"Um, well, I have to study for a Chem. quiz that Mrs. Schafe is giving us after winder break," I said. "Sorry, but I can't go. Anyways, don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Terrence, baby, I broke up with him for you," said Delilah. "Harry was such a loser." She rolled here yes. "Harry had no sense of consideration, and he was too scared to show his emotions. You are so much cooler than him. It's like you can read my mind. You're just too cute and sweet."

Although I should have been creeped out–and I was, mind you–a part of me was kind of flattered. All I can say from her dialogue is that guys do not like to be called cute, according to Dallas and the rest of the guys. Except I can see why they wouldn't like to be called "cute"–they're males. They probably prefer something like "hot" or "sexy."

"I'm sorry Delilah, but I'm busy," I replied.

"How about Saturday night?" she asked. I shook my head.

"Sorry. I'm seeing my sister off to a college road trip," I replied honestly. Delilah sighed.

"Tonight?" she begged. I sighed as well. Was this girl desperate or what? I would have liked to say, "Goddamnit, just leave me alone, because I'm not a guy, I'M A GIRL! I decided to dress up as a guy to see what it was like, but because of you, it's becoming a nuisance, so just leave me alone and go away you slut!" Except, of course, if I said that, I'd be dead. So, instead,

"Er-"

"Yo, Terrence!" said Hank, running down the hallway. "I know Delilah's hot and all, but stop flirting and get to class or else Mr. Flite is going to kill you!"

"Okay!" I yelled, grateful to God for Hank for once.

"I'm sorry, but I'm busy tonight," I said, turning to Delilah. "My grandparents are coming over tonight."

And then I sped away before Delilah could say anymore about that pathetic lie.

Yeah, I think I get alone with girls awfully too well for a guy. Might not be a good thing if I am a girl!

At the end of the day, two more girls asked me to Jack's party, and I had to turn them down. All of these girls are nice to me–and to my friends, for the interest of me–but I've seen how they treated, well, girls. They were kind of serious bitches. No offense. But girls in high school these days are pretty harsh. Wow, I suck. And I hate my old self even more.

"Dude, winter break!" said Drew enthusiastically. I grinned and said, "No more school for a week, man! What are you doing?"

"Snowboarding, man!" said Drew. "Colorado."

"Lucky," I said. "My family is so boring."

"Still," said Drew, grinning. "I heard your sister's getting you plane tickets to Seattle and already purchased football tickets for the Seahawks versus the Packers game in January."

"Dude, really?" I said excitedly. I had been looking forward to just watching the game all week to the next month,

"Yeah!" said Drew, high-fiving me (it doesn't hurt that much anymore). "Nice!"

"Dude, that is so awesome," I said. "Hey, you know what's annoying?"

"Yeah?" said Drew.

"Some junior, Delilah again, and two other sluts asked me out today," I said. "And Delilah was bugging me, and I don't think she gets that I freaking don't like her! She asked me out to: Jack's party, somewhere this Saturday, and somewhere today after school. In five freaking minutes!"

"Does this whole rejection thing have anything to do with Becky?" asked Drew concernedly. I sighed.

"Drew, chill, I'm already over her," I said. "She was a bitch, anyways. I just don't date anymore. And no, Becky was not the cause of that–" I added as Drew rose his eyebrows. "I just think it's stupid. What's the use of dating in high school, besides making out and having sex, if you're probably not getting married unless you elope? I mean, it's so stupid."

It's not like I believe that, though. But what I said does make a point. I just don't believe that because one, I like Drew, two, I've dated before, and three, I plan on dating in high school. Once I'm a girl, of course.

Drew was just at a loss for words.

After we got off the bus, Norman, Randy and I had to walk our separate ways from the intersection; Randy lived in the cul-de-sac, Norman lived down the hill, and I lived closer to the entrance of our neighborhood. We did the weird guy hugs; high fives, then bring your chests close; and bid each other good-bye for winter break. As I walked home, I smiled satisfyingly to myself. I have, successfully, pulled off being a dude for four months, and now I have a break.

Awesome.