LeSlash! 100 Number [Fifty-Seven] On The List: Used

[LeSlash! 100 Number [Fifty-Seven] On The List: Used
WordCount: 696
Sugar,
Sometimes I let you use me. I think it'll make you want to stay longer. Fight for me. But why should you ever have to? I'm hopelessly in love with you, and I cling to my every chance I get with you. Maybe if I keep letting you do what you want, touch what you want... I'll let you use me. I'd do anything to have you stay longer with me. If the seduction keeps you here, why not? If I keep turning you on, will you love me? Maybe I'm not pretty enough. You call me sexy, hot; I know how to turn you on. But maybe you do like my looks. I'm not too much of a personality for you, maybe. Maybe...maybe...maybe... That word. So sick of that word, I want to be sure of something, I want to know and I want you to tell me.
I know I want you to look at me. Really look at me and not just want to fuck. I want you to want to hold me, or sleep with me. You wouldnt like that?
Why do you always turn away when I cry? Do you not want to deal with it, or does it hurt you too? I may type this, but I could show you my paper. Pink and orange ink running from me crying. I scribbled out a lot of things, I know some of my ideas arent good enough for you; arent as perfect. I know you like my colored pens, my handwriting, you said, is pretty in pink, orange, green and blue and purple. You like to compliment me; and I know why.
It makes me blush.
Gives you a reason to touch me. I need you. Because I love you. But yet; I'm not yours. Well... I am, but you are not mine, though I like to think so.
Is he better than me? Do you like knowing you have a backup if one relationship fails? I prove my love constantly, and it's not just the words anymore! It's the proof; it's the pictures and the poems, the songs and the actions and what I do. I'll wait for you for hours if I have to, I wont like it but I would gladly do it. I do anything for you, because I love you. The sex. God, I'd do anything to have you here with me now, I want you to hold me and stop me, cause, baby; I dont want to ever hurt you. I need you.
But is he better than me? Does he love you like I do? Probably. You tell me so. You're so easy to love. Everything about you. You say you love him back. Do you love two people the same? Do you love him more, me more, or in different ways? I dont want you to worry about me; I'm not worth the trouble. I only write this for a number of my own reasons, but one of yours. Only. Hah.
Do you want to save me? And keep me eating; away from drugs or alcohol? It's hard, and I dont want it to happen. Can you waste your time on me?
I dont know if I'm really worth your time. Except the sex. I need you; but not that. Do you like having me on the side? Does it excite you? But is that all I am for you? Maybe.
That word- maybe.
I hope it doesnt make you think. Think about me, it would be too much for me, to have you sad about me. I hate being so much trouble. I love you. But I dont want you to worry. This is the end for us.
For me.
I'm sorry... this is me loving you. And maybe I should stop this. It's occurred to me before. They say the truth hurts. And it does, they're right- whoever they are.
... And I really know, somewhere, I'm not sure where, that this needs to stop. Yes, just... stop. So, even if it hurts you, hurts me... I have to end this.

I know I can't really have you.

Love,
Your angel.