Prince and the Pauper 33 (A Youko Kurama Story) (M'd for Language only)

Sorry for the delay. Quizilla decided to fart out on me when I ORIGINALLY did this update abouttt... at least 3 weeks ago. At least. And I was just like "GRR FUCK IT" because honestly. D; That was a long-ass update. I was pissed. Anyway. Here it is again. Sorry for the wait. (Also I've been depressed. 8D That's my other excuse. )
D:
Having Youko help you in the kitchen was the worst idea ever spawned. He was completely useless and made a mess out of everything.
He dragged his hair in the filling. You replaced it. He spilled the ingredients for the dough. You fixed it. He somehow ended up with the dough stuck to his arms up to the elbows. YOU FIXED IT.
After you had done all of your work, and redone his, you put the pies in the oven and flopped against the counter,"Oh, Jesus..."
Youko was contentedly eating the left over filling while sitting on the counter on the opposite side of the room. "What's your problem?"
"I did TWICE the work. WITH A HELPER." You shouted, whipping your apron at him to wash your hands. He caught it lazily and whipped it back at you with three times the force. You whirled around, glaring, and pulled the apron off your head. You began to wash dishes furiously.
Youko's face appeared next to the sink. He was stretched out along the counter like it was a bed,"... Why're you washing dishes?" He watched you lazily.
"Because I'm a freaking maid." You grumbled,"And get your hair off of the drying rack! God DAMN it you and that hair!" You threw a hair tie at him and rewashed the dishes he'd dragged his hair all over.
Youko made a face and sat up. He was quiet for a moment then smirked. He appeared on the other side of the room, sitting on the other set of counters,"Oh _____~! Look what /I/ found~"
You turned off the sink and turned around, flicking water off your hands,"What is it, f..." You trailed off, seeing what he had in his hands.
Youko was holding a romance novel.
More specifically, yours.
You blushed furiously,"Put that DOWN."
Youko smirked,"Why?" He opened to the page you left off on and his eyebrows lifted at the content. He looked at you from across the room through his eyelashes with a devious smile playing on his lips. He cleared his throat.
"When I least expected it, Lord Nicolae had swept me into his arms and carried me off to..." He paused, and grinned. He propped his chin on his hand,"Oh my. I would've /never/ expected /you/ to enjoy reading such... ... mature literature."
Your blush intensed,"Th-th-that is n-n-n-not mine."
"Then why are you blushing? And why was this in here just hidden behind some jars. Not a very good permanent hiding place..." He smirked and flipped open the book. His eyebrows rose again and he read," 'He stroked my hair and looked deeply into my eyes...' " He was forcing back laughter.
You ran across the room towards him,"I said ST--" You slipped on an egg that had been carelessly dropped and broken on the ground.
Youko caught you before your face smashed into the counter,"Why, ___. This is so sudden." He grinned.
You blushed and shoved yourself away from him, brushing yourself off,"Idiot." You took the desserts out of the oven and set them on the counter to cool.
Turning around to get a knife, you didn't see Youko smirk and slip something into the apple pie closest to him. When you turned around you saw his hand hovering over the pastry. You flew over and whacked his hand away,"NO TASTING! This is for the uppermost thieves in the castle so you'll get some later! Greedy little bastard..." You mumbled, eyes narrowed, as you suspiciously moved the pies onto the other counter.
Collin bounced in, earning a glare from Youko. He waved and presented you with a wilted daisy," 'Ello Miss'm! Look wot Oi found outsoide!" He grinned.
"For me?" You laughed.
He nodded and you accepted it, tucking it behind your ear,"Would you like a slice of pie, Collin?" You smiled.
"How come the little British bastard gets dessert early and I DON'T? I OWN this place!" Youko growled.
"You're also a dickface." You snorted.
" 'Yeah you're a dickface~' " Youko mocked. He made a face and pouted.
You turned to cut a slice of pie for Collin. The second Youko saw you hold the knife over the pastry he flicked his wrist.
The apple pie exploded and out of it emerged a giant venus-flytrap like plant. You screamed and Collin grabbed you and ran out. The monster seemed to be growing, as giant vines chased you down the hallways. After about 30 seconds of running you were positive you were going to die a death-by-giant-psychotic-demon-plant-from-hell.
All of a sudden you felt a sudden jerk and felt the ground no longer under your feet. You looked up and saw a vine wrapped around Collin's arm and you screamed and began to flail around, thinking the plant got you.
Youko's face popped out of the uncovered vent from which the vines came from,"Stop jerking around or I'll drop you!"
You felt yourself rising in the air and saw Youko pause when he saw Collin's face.
"Don't even THINK about it!" You yelled up at him, knowing EXACTLY that Youko was pondering if he could push out Collin.
Youko mumbled something under his breath and pulled you both up. He covered the vent and you promptly punched him in the face,"WE COULD'VE DIED FUCKFACE! DON'T SLIP THINGS IN THE FOOD!"
Youko rubbed his cheek and glared at you,"Bitch..."
He held up a wireless microphone headset and switched it on. You heard static over the castle loudspeakers,"Hello. This is Youko Kurama. As some of you may have seen already, a giant plant with demonic energy has been unleashed on the third floor East Wing. This plant is very much dangerous and I'll kindly ask any and all castle employees to retreat upwards towards the sixth level and up. There is a series of thick doors on each staircase that can be bolted from either side. Get behind, and lock those doors. Make yourself comfortable in the upper stories for a few hours, to a few days, while I and some assistants find and destroy the plant. That is all."
Before he turned off the microphone you managed to hear your "What the F--" blare over the speakers.
He looked at you and Collin flatly,"So who wants to have some fun?"
You held your head in your hands and yelled,"What the FUCK, Youko. Just. What the flying FUCK in all of FUCKINGDOM."
Collin remained silent, sitting behind you. After a few moments he raised his hand,"Oi loike fun." He smiled a little.
"Alright then. You come with me and I'll push _____ out of the vent." He undid the vent's cover and you slammed it back on,"Okay. No. I'm coming. Whatever. Let's just go." You held your head,"Goddd... What am I getting myself into...."
...
Youko and Collin started off down through the vents and you followed after,"And how do we kill this thing?"
"We track it down." Youko said simply.
"It MOVES? Oh god help me..." You said, shaking your head,"This is my own little personal hell..."
"Can Oi get a gun?" Collin asked Youko.
"You're getting whatever I give you, little bastard." Youko grumbled.
You threw your shoe at the back of his head,"Stop talking to him like that or I swear to god I will break this vent and throw you out!"
"Just for the record I have three more of those seeds and I will not hesistate to slip one in your shirt and activate it." Youko snarled,"Also. I'm keeping this shoe. You're going to run around barefoot now. Bitch."
"That's it." You said, stopping. Collin and Youko paused and looked back. You undid the nearest vent cover and stuck your legs out of it,"I'm taking my chances with the vines." You let yourself slip downwards. You felt a sudden stop and an explosion of pain in your arm and you looked upwards to see Youko. He'd caught your arm by the elbow.
"Well SOMEONE was quick to react." You said, frowning,"Guess I'm not THAT big of a bitch, then."
Youko glared and hauled you up. he threw your shoe at you,"Stop acting like a spoiled brat just because we're doing something YOU don't have fun with."
You put your shoe on and made a face,"The one acting like a child is the one who unleashed a SAVAGE BEAST OF A THING for his own AMUSEMENT."
Youko ignored you and kept going. Collin blinked, confused,"... Huh?"
"Just go." You mumbled, shaking your head.
And with that you and Collin followed after Youko in the unusually large ventilation system to fight a monster that had spread across half the third floor in less than twenty minutes.
WOO. SHORT UPDATE. 8D; SORRY GUYS.