|x| I Will Be Your Guardian Angel |x| #9 |x|

#9 Grieving Heart

Julian's POV

Even though ive just played on the stage at Club Teatria, the largest indoor rock club in Finland, at the city of Oulu, i couldn't help but feel a little down after every show me and the guys have done. Because every time i look down into the crowd, i never see her face. I always saw her face when i played live with my band mates, but now that we are getting further into our career, i feel like im being driven further away from her.
"Julian.. come on!" I hear Jason yell, bringing me back to this so called reality.
I looked up and saw that we were once again on the move to the next town to play a concert in the next two days. I sighed heavily, picking up my drum-sticks and parts of my drum kit as the assistants helped me with the rest and loaded it onto the tour bus. Now.. all i wanted to do was go to my bunk and sleep. But Theon was't going to let that happen.
"We need to talk to you" He tells me, as he places a hand on my shoulder and looked at me sympathetically with a hard stern look.
I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and told him that i would only be a minute. I walked to my bunk and placed my bag onto my bunk as well as my drum-sticks. I took a deep breath to brace myself for what the intervention was about and then walked to where there was a small couch placed right at the back of the tour bus.
"What do you guys want?" I asked them tiredly "I want to get some sleep"
"Juke.. you've been slacking on stage, whats happening with you?" Vivian asked, looking at me disappointed.
"We've noticed a big change in your performance ever since we've left Tampere" Christian also adds.
"I honestly dont know" I said shrugging my shoulders as well as lying through my back teeth.
"Your mind is set on something else, Juke. What is it? We can help you fix it.." Theon said desperately.
I didn't blame them for doing this to me, you know.. the whole intervention thing. Even ive noticed that i have been slacking since we left Tampere. Its just.. i just cant get her out of my mind, i deeply regret not telling her how i felt the day i left. But even if i did, i couldn't expect her to wait for me now could i?
"Its nothing fixable, Theon" I spoke quietly, merely over a whisper.
My fellow bandmates looked at me oddly, but i just quickly escaped before they could say anything else. I already knew that, sooner or later, they will finally realise to why i am slacking so much. Its because of her. But i cannot blame her, but only myself for my lack of performance on stage. I shouldn't let it get to me like this.
Pulling myself up onto my bunk, above Sammy's, i laid back and stared up at the tour bus ceiling. I just stared up at this mark on the ceiling concentrating on it, hoping that it would distract me from thinking about her. But i do wonder, did she like my gift that i had bought her before i left? I couldn't exactly do it through the post with it being so delicate.
My thoughts got carried away with myself that i didn't even notice Vivian walk into where our bunks were located on this crammed tour bus. He nudged me, whispering, to see if i was still awake. Obviously i was with the countlessness of thoughts that were running around my mind aimlessly.
"Its Saara.. isn't it?" Vivian says quietly.
I didn't reply, he knew oh too well that i was thinking of exactly her. I didn't need to tell him that i couldn't get her out of my mind, my facial expressions explained what i was missing. And that was Saara. But i felt weird about it in some way, i mean, we're the nest of friends. Could there be any chance in the world to take the friendship to a whole new different level?
"We kinda guessed once you walked off" Vivian spoke, unsure on what to say, but yet i remained silent. "Come on, Juke.. say something"
"Like what?" I asked him, raising my brows.
"I think that'll do.. at least you spoke" He joked, cracking a real smile onto my face.
"Listen, Juke.. " Vivian said, getting alot more serious with a stern look in his eye. "At the next concert, play your very best that she would be able to hear you.. play hard and loud, let your emotions go"
With that said, Vivian patted my arm and walked back off to where he was before with the others. But his comment re-runned through my head. I knew deep down that he was right and that i should do that, no matter how much i wanted to reject comment.
I must have dosed off, thinking about what Vivian had told me. Because as i opened my eyes, i saw the guys getting ready and for that fact that Jason told me that we were now at our next destination and would be doing sound check today as well as tomorrow before we play at the front of two thousand fans. Yeah, it might not be much, but its a start.
Tonight, we will be stopping in a hotel close to the concert venue so we dont have far to travel. Our manager already got our room keys as we were divided into three groups of two to share bedrooms. There was Jason and Christian in one, Sammy and Theon in another and Vivian and I. So as soon as our keys were handed too us, we all went our seperate ways to find our hotel suite.
"Here, Vivian" I tell him, spotting our hotel room door number. 1342.
We got settled into our hotel room and unpacked a few clothes. We wouldn't be needing a weeks full of clothing with us since we're only here for the night or two. But once we were done, we headed out of the room and went to the lobby of the hotel to meet up with everyone else since we had sound check.
"Remember what i told you" Vivian told me quietly as we approached the rest of our bandmates.
"The bus is waiting outside" Sammy tells us, starting to walked towards the main entrance doors of the hotel.
Taking in consideration of what Vivian told me, i am going to give it my all at sound check, but as much that i am going to give it tomorrow night. Tomorrow night, i will do anything in my power to let my emotions run freely, clearly and proudly. Hoping.. just hoping that she we will hear.
#9 Grieving Heart
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