.ADAM. .Addiction.26. .SISKA.

Four days. The boys of Academy Is... were gone for only four days, and already Julian was restless. She no longer had any excuse to not hang out with her boyfriend Chase; Hanging out with Jason was uncomfortable, still awkward in their half-friendship. Julian knew he was only inviting her out and dropping by every once and a while under Bill's request; Jason had never tried to hide his resent for her before, this new, friendlier side of him would only last until the boys returned. As for Chase, Julian felt as though his company was forced, more of an obligation than something she looked forward to. This wasn't to say she didn't enjoy his company (he was her boyfriend, after all)--Julian loved the idea of him, the attention he gave her, the way he fawned over her. Still, that wasn't to say that she thought the behavior or words or actions or, in general, just simply the time spent with Chase felt natural. Because it didn't. Time with Chase, with her boyfriend, was more of a forced nature than the occasional few hours she spent with Jason, the guy who openly disliked her. Despite these thoughts, however, when Chase called Julian that Friday night to go out, she accepted with fake enthusiasm, agreeing to his date.

He took her to a movie, not that she could say much about it afterwards, anyway. Instead of acknowledging the screen--let alone the images that flashed across it--and instead of treating Chase like her boyfriend, the only thing Julian gave way to was her desire for comfort. And not the usual comfort she yearned for--the simple contact of another, the need to feel wanted--but instead, she yearned for the one type of comfort only Adam could supply.

Loneliness. It burned through her body, every touch of Chase's contact singed her wounds again. She needed to forget about Adam--Julian demanded herself of it.

Loneliness. The very thing that slipped an agreement past her lips. It directed her to Chase's home--only a few blocks from her own--and up the stairs. It was the force that allowed Chase to pull the thin material from her shirt over her head. It was what allowed her to let things go far. It was the slight nod as Chase asked her if she was sure, the rhythmic breathing that followed.

It was what surged through her body afterwards, leaving a sticky trail of regret within her veins.
i know you lost your trust

There wasn't the same warmth that Julian felt with Adam. Instead of feeling secure, all Julian felt was the vast emptiness that ate away at her core. Rather than holding onto Chase, Julian recoiled from his touch. She felt dirty, repulsed by the night's actions.

It was only quarter past one in the morning, pitch black and at most thirty-eight degrees outside. Julian wasn't one-hundred-percent sure of how she intended to get home, and as she shrank from Chase's bed, Julian broke the most basic of codes of relationships. Stepping into a pair of jeans and gathering the rest of her clothes into her purse--which, thankfully, was large enough--Julian left Chase's house without a sound. Then, slipping out the door and onto the porch, a steady flow of tears cascaded from her eyes.
don't lose your trust
I know it's short, but this thing carries out through the next one (and maybe the one after as well?).

IT'S VITAL STUFF, YO'.

tell me your thoughts, or i won't post any more for a while. yeah, blackmail. deal with it.

.melanie