This morning, I felt like I was in a movie. In a good way, I think. I was sound asleep when Aidan came in. I guess it was pretty late because the rest of my family, that would be my mom, seeing as my sister had slept over at Kendra's the night before, were already downstairs and awake. Then again, my mom wakes up pretty late usually. I was asleep when he kissed my cheek. I was a little awake when he kissed my forehead. And I was finally coming into consciousness when he kissed my lips, softly and sweetly. I could feel myself smile underneath him, happy that he had chosen to wake me this way. I was still feeling irridescent and dreamy with him, like we were bubbly and untouchable. And as long as no one knew about us, we could be like this. So that made me happy, and that was all I needed to be happy right now.
"Good morning sunshine." Aidan said to me and I laughed beneath him.
"Good morning." I replied, fluttering my eyes open. He was leaning over me, beautiful and happy. A grin was spread across his face, his perfect teeth sat in two rows in his mouth. I felt myself grin back as he put a hand to my hair and brushed it away from my face.
"Remember...I get you for the entire day. So I hope you didn't make plans." he said to me and I rolled my eyes.
"You're like my only friend here. Who would I have made plans with?" I asked and Aidan shrugged.
"Kendra?" he asked and I faux-laughed.
"Very funny." I said, sitting up in my bed. I was only wearing a white teeshirt and boxers, and I felt self conscious around him. Even though I knew I shouldn't because we were both boys, and I shouldn't feel self conscious, as if I was a girl or something. God, I'm so gay. Whatever.
I pulled on the same jeans I had been wearing the day earlier and decided to just keep the shirt that I had slept in on. It was a thin white teeshirt but it was still the beginning of September and therefore, not very cold. All I really needed was a sweatshirt or something today. I smiled as I turned around to Aidan, and realized he was staring at me. My face went hot. "What?" I asked and Aidan smiled.
"You're so interesting to watch." he told me and I laughed.
"Oh yeah, I bet I am." I replied.
"No, really!" he answered. "You like, scratch your arms and shake your head. It's just something I've noticed you do. And now that I noticed it, I notice you do it a lot. And I think it's cute. And you look so good, but I have to admit, that's mostly...well all me." he explained and I smiled.
"Don't tell me you decided to make me over because you wanted me to wear what you thought I would look good in?" I asked and Aidan laughed.
"I have to admit, that had something to do with it. When I saw you that first day, I realized that you definitely had a lot of potential. And when I got to see your face for the first time, you looked like an angel. You still do. And so I decided that you just couldn't look the way you did, especially after you explained that you were invisible. I knew that you had to be changed, so that people could see how beautiful you really are." he admitted and I smirked, just a little.
"How gay." I said and Aidan grinned.
"What can I say. I'm a fairy." he told me and he walked over to me and put his arms around my waist. "And I definitely have the most beautiful boy on the planet. How did I get so lucky?" he told me and I felt like exploding with happiness. I knew this shouldn't make me so happy, but right here, with just me and Aidan, it was like I didn't even need to pretend this made me uncomfortable. I knew that Aidan would never do anything, say anything when it wasn't just us, but if we were in public and something happened, I knew I'd have to pretend to be embarrassed and uncomfortable. But for right now, I could just be really happy that he returned my feelings. So I leaned against him and put my forehead in the crook of his neck and smiled.
'I don't know. I guess you're just a lucky guy." I joked and Aidan kissed my head.
"I guess so." he replied and we just stood like that in my room for a few moments, very silent and just enjoying each other's company. Then there was a knock on the door. We instantly pulled back from each other and Delilah opened the door and blushed as she smiled.
"Hey Aidan! Mom just told me you were up here! I sort of wanted to say hi before you and Devon left. What are you guys up to, anyway?" she asked and I detected the hint of jealousy. I smirked a little, feeling a little satisfied that she had to be on edge around me and Aidan. It was like she didn't know that something was going on, but she knew there was a reason to feel weird around us. I think it was because we already had the feeling of being best friends.
"Well...I'm not sure actually. I think we're just going to go to a friend of mine's house and have a Halo tournament." Aidan said and I nodded along.
"Yeah you know. Guy stuff." I interjected and Delilah looked at me.
"Shut up, you're practically a girl." she told me and my mouth fell open.
"I am not!" I shouted, but unfortunatley my voice cracked when I said 'am', so it just sounded geeky and most of all, girly. Delilah laughed and even Aidan chuckled.
"Point proven." she said and I rolled my eyes. But her attention was once again thrust onto Aidan as she smiled flirtatiously at him. "Well, I was sort of thinking we could go out tonight...umm like a movie or something?" she asked and Aidan, to my chagrin, nodded. I felt like glaring at my sister.
"Definitely. When Devon and I come back, we can go out. Maybe you, me, Devon and Kendra all go out. That would be fun, right Devon?" Aidan asked I worked hard to flash a smile.
"Yeah. You know how I feel about Kendra." I said, knowing that I sounded ridiculously forced. But Delilah bought it, because she rolled her eyes.
"Which I still don't understand. You're all she talked about last night. 'Devon this', 'Devon that', 'Oh my god do you think Devon will date me if I dye my hair blah blah blah?'. Ugh she was so obnoxious, seriously. What girls see in you, I just don't get. And don't even get me started on the other girls who sit at lunch with me who are wondering if I'll set them up on a date with you. Dis-gus-ting." she said and then turned back to Aidan, with a brilliant smile on her face. "But yeah. So I'll see you later." she said and Aidan nodded.
"Right. Later." he replied and with a wave, Delilah left the doorway, keeping the door open. I just shrugged at Aidan and we ventured downstairs and out the door. I hadn't had anything to eat but I was a little too nervous to eat, so we just went to Aidan's car that was still in his driveway and got in. When we were safe in his car, he started to laugh.
"What?" I asked as we backed out of his driveway.
"'Do you think Devon will date me if I dye my hair?'" he asked and I blushed looking out the window.
"Shut up. Seriously. I don't understand girls." I replied and Aidan only laughed harder.
"Well, you're much more desireable than you think. Chances are, she didn't even tell us everything Kendra said about you. Well, I mean, of course she didn't. But she obviously didn't tell us anything really good that Kendra said about you. But I'm pretty sure I know what she wants..." he said and I rolled my eyes.
"The night you cut my hair and we went to the mall and all that, I heard her say that if I was her boyfriend, she'd do disgustingly sexual things to me." I replied and I thought Aidan was seriously going to die of laughter. "Which was gross! Like I'd ever want that! Weird!" I said and Aidan finally composed himself. Or at least, I thought he had.
"Oh Devon..." he said, imitating Kendra's voice, as in imitating her voice if she were moaning my name. I felt my face burn up. "Oh Devon I want your girly face all over my bod-ay!" he moaned and I felt myself start laughing a little bit.
"That's so gross!" I replied and Aidan then switched to his normal voice.
"I'm actually kind of shocked that you don't want her." he told me and I raised an eyebrow.
"Why?" I asked and Aidan shrugged.
"I don't know. Just cause. You guys would be good together." he told me and then it was very quiet in the car as we both contemplated this. I would be good with Kendra. And honestly, Aidan would be good with Delilah. They were both good matches. Good couples. But thing was, we didn't want either of them. We wanted each other. At least, I didn't want Kendra. I wanted Aidan. And I knew we both knew that's what we were thinking about. So Aidan sighed. "Oh Devon!" he moaned again, using his fake high voice and I laughed again, feeling a little of the tension go away.
"All right, all right, I get it. So where are we going, anyway?" I said and Aidan grinned and shrugged.
"I was thinking a gay bar. They have some open this time of day." he told me and I just looked at him as he drove down the road. He started to laugh again. "Seriously! Devon, you're so friggen guillible! Like I'd take you to a gay bar! Like I'd even go to a gay bar. I just get hit on all the time by friggen weird, buff gross guys. Nasty. Ew. So not my type." he told me and I laughed.
"You have a type?" I asked and Aidan nodded.
"Of course. Skinny, tall, blonde, beautiful, named 'Devon'. Duh-er." he told me and I smiled and felt my face get hot.
"Dude. Don't start that. You're going to make me explode, like a stupid little obsessed girl." I said to him and, while driving, he took one of his hands and put it behind my neck and pulled me to him and kissed me on the side of my mouth.
"Good. Explode." he said softly, in a way that made the hair on my arms stick up. He let me go and I pulled away from him as he turned onto the highway. "I don't really know where we're going yet. I was thinking, maybe we could do that getting lost thing again. I liked doing that. And this time we can actually kiss because I won't be afraid of kissing you if you don't want me to because you've made it clear that you do want that. I mean, you do want me. But if anything, anything at all makes you uncomfortable, please tell me. I don't want to...ruin you...or anything. You're so sweet and innocent and perfect, I just want you to stay that way, okay?" he asked and I shrugged, even though I didn't really know what he meant by the 'sweet and innocent' comment. As far as I knew, I was far from sweet and innocent. I had quite the mouth when it came to my sister, and anyone else who really knew me. I wasn't sure, but I thought that maybe Aidan had a wrong impression of me. Or maybe he was thinking in comparison to the other people he knew. Whatever the reason, we stayed mostly silent as he got us lost this time. We ended up going to Pilchertown, a town in the opposite direction than we had gone the time before.
By the time we were done being lost, we had ended up in a large wooded parking area, for some fishing hole or something like that. Aidan stopped and parked and turned off the car. We sat in it for a few moments, still staying silent. I wished I could know what Aidan was thinking about. Was he wondering if he should do anything with me, because he thought that it would 'ruin' me? I didn't want that. I really, really didn't. I took his hand and kissed his fingertips softly. "I want you to be the one to ruin me, okay?" I said bravely and Aidan looked at me strangely for a few moments, as if I was out of my mind or something.
"I- I just want you to be normal. I don't want you to have to go through anything because of me. I want you to date Kendra and...have sex with her or something." Aidan responded and I glared at him.
"Seriously. You seriously want that? If you didn't want me with you, like really didn't, you would have told me you didn't want to kiss me last time we were lost. Aidan, you've got me. I don't know what happened but you're all I can think about. I know people think it's wrong and that's why I'm not telling anyone, you know? But don't tell me you want me to date her when you obviously don't." I answered and Aidan looked uncomfortable.
"Fine. Okay? But you did ask me to tell you the truth." he replied.
"Exactly. You want me. I want you. Just shut up and kiss me already." I said firmly and without smiling, Aidan brought his lips to mine. We were still sitting in the front seat of his car, but that changed quickly as we realized that it was hard to kiss in the front seat. We moved to the back seat of his car and he took over, holding me against him as I layed on the seat. He was on top of me, and pressed closely, and I could feel his entire body as we kissed. Our breathy soon became heavy, but even as we learned to move against each other. My hands were gripped under his arms and on his back, as if I let go of him, something really terrible would happen. He tasted sweet, sort of like strawberries, and this whole experience made me so unbelievably happy, I really did just want to explode.
Aidan pulled himself off of me for a second and looked at me, pushing my hair out of my face. "I seriously should stop. Not for you...but I know that if I keep kissing you, I'm going to get spoiled and addicted. You're so...I...ugh." he said and crashed himself back down on me, kissing me once again. I couldn't help but feel the tiny bit of satisfaction that came with him saying that he was getting 'spoiled' and 'addicted'. It was like I was special, and he couldn't even find the words to describe me. It only made me want to hug him harder and kiss him faster. I felt his hands that were up my shirt, along my sides, they were soft on me. His hands were then on my stomach and they were softly touching me. I leaned up to make myself closer to Aidan and did a totally out-of-character thing. I detatched my arms from around his back and slid them up his shirt. They came around his sides and I felt his strong stomach and strong back as I put my arms around him, under his shirt. With a small laugh, Aidan pulled away from me and pulled his arms from under my shirt and took my arms and pulled them from under his shirt. He had a sad happiness in his eyes and I didn't know what I had done wrong. "If you do that, you're just asking for me to do more with you." he said softly to me.
"What do you mean?" I asked and Aidan laughed, touching me softly on my face.
"Exactly." he replied and I frowned.
"I don't...understand." I told him and he smiled, just a little.
"You may want me to ruin you, but if you continue to touch me like that, I'm going to want to do more than I'm willing. I won't...do that to you." he told me and I suddenly got it. More, like, as in, sex. I swallowed and nodded and blushed and felt fizzy but kind of scared.
"You want to...do that?" I asked and Aidan smiled and kissed my cheek.
"I won't. I promise. I just...am getting a little obsessed with you." he said softly and I smiled a little and put my arms around his neck.
"Aidan...tell me something about yourself." I demanded and he was quiet on top of me.
"What?" he asked and I nodded.
"I want to know who you are." I replied and Aidan laughed a little bit.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am in a thousand winds that blow, I am the softly falling snow. I am the gentle showers of rain, I am the fields of ripening grain. I am in the morning hush, I am in the graceful rush of beautiful birds in circling flight, I am the starshine of the night. I am in the flowers that bloom, I am in a quiet room. I am in the birds that sing, I am in each lovely thing. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there. I did not die." he said quietly, reciting it like a poem that I'd never heard of before.
"What was that?" I asked and Aidan smiled..
"My favorite poem. I love poems." he told me.
"Do you write them?" I asked and he laughed.
"No. I'm bad at it. I just like reading them and listening to them." he told me and I smiled.
"Thank you for telling me that." I replied.
"You're welcome." Aidan said quietly and leaned down to kiss me once more. I smiled widely into it and put my arms around his waist, bringing him close to me. Everything felt perfect right now.
rest in results.
I felt so happy and dreamy, even though I knew I shouldn't. I should not want this, but I loved feeling Aidan's tongue against mine, his teeth nibbling a little on my bottom lip. I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper for him, I felt like we were just sinking down into water. All I wanted to do was run away, far away with Aidan, a place where no one could find us, where this all could just happen and we didn't have to hide anything. But I knew that could never be, even though I wanted it more than anything.
Aidan's tongue probed a spot on the roof of my mouth that sent chills up and down my spine and I knew that there was no way that if he kept doing this, kept being like this, I wouldn't fall for him completely. As in, fall in love with him. Which was so weird, and scary. And right on cue, we both pulled away as if we both knew what the other one was thinking.
"I know..." he said and that was all he really had to say.
"What are we going to do?" I asked and Aidan swallowed.
"It's okay...if it happens, it happens." he told me and I nodded.
"If it does though, if I do fall in love...with you...you have to...ruin me." I told him with a blush and Aidan smiled a little and leaned back down to kiss me once again on my lips.
But what he doesn't know is that I think I already have.
