AUTUMN'S MONOLOGUE{Sai One-Shot}

Autumn's Monologue
There she stood, Lost in a world of depression. She questioned it herself, but got no answer. Letting a single tear role down her cheek. No matter what she did, no matter how much she tried, it wasn't enough. She tried to change, over and over, but still got the same results. She started to feel worthless. Maybe there was noone who would want her. Who would? With a past as bad as hers. Maybe she was so messed up and didn't realize it. One last chance. Just one more. Thats all she asked. It's not like she was the only one with issues. Thats why she hoped he'd understand. He too came from a disturbing backround, yet... he had no intress. Nothing.

Oh why can't I be what you need?
A new improved version of me
But I'm nothing so good
no, I'm nothing
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence of love and of sorrow
I beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down, fold me in
deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins...

Each night she found herself laying on her bedroom floor, crying her eyes out. Never had a boy ment so much to her. Breaking her heart a little more each time. She opened up herself completely. Gave herself to him; body and soul. But now, now, no words can explain the now. He was so sweet, gentle and kind. She saw life within him. Saw the love he offered her. She feel for it. Only to come out a fool. The pain killing her, puncturing an emotional wound in her heart. He could fix it though. Bring her body back to life. A small simple kiss, a short but sweet, 'I'm sorry'. But he wouldn't. She knew he wouldn't. He wasn't the type, atleast the type she thought him to be.

I break in two over you, oh
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't..

Ignoring everything that was going on in her life. No missions, no training, no friends, no nothing. Locked up in her room during the day, and roaming the empty streets at night. Trying so hard to find where she went wrong. Sorting out the simple yet complicated moments that passed between them. Where was the fault? Ignoring the comfort of her bed. Maybe she didn't deserve it. Maybe she wasn't ment to leave the bad that was lost in her past. Maybe she was destined to be hated, abused and alone. No love for her. No sleep, dark rings around her eyes. No food, waisting away to nothing. No visitors, no envitements. Every time she'd close her eyes, his handsome feature came in to play. His beautiful, dark chocolate brown eyes. So dark, they looked like the black abysse. Souless even, yet soft. Soft sweet lips. So gentle yet rough with words. The taste, she couldn't even define the taste. His soft silky hair. How she loved to let her fingers glide threw it. Pull on it when necessary. Porcelian colored skin, rock hard abs. Gentle to the touch, yet strong when need be. She could practicly reach out and touch him, but as quick as she imagined him, the quicker he was gone.
The knife pushed in deeper, inch by inch when seeing the other girls crowd around him. He paid them all attention. Never denieing them. She may not have seen everything they did together, but the knife in her heart made her feel otherwise. The pain, the cruelty, the hurt... the sarrows... even some tears. She tried. She tried her hardest for him. Did everything for him. She impressed, she bent over backwards, she gave it all but it seems it wasn't enough.

Here I'm pinned between darkness and light
Bleached and blinded by these nights
where I'm tossing and tortured 'til dawn
by you, visions of you then you're gone.
The shock bleeds the red from my face
when I hear someone's taking my place.
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that I did was for you

Each night she leaned againt her bedroom door. Staring at the wall that held the many drawings and painting his given her. They were different from the ones he did everday. These ment something. They showed the love, the passion, the heart that he kept locked away. Waiting for that one person, that one love to open it up. She had hoped, she had dreamed to be that person.

I break in two over you, oh
I break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't

Each night, watching the stars, wishing, praying, for anything. Why? Why did the cruel hand of fate have to play it's wild card on her? Did she truely deserve this? Was the beatings, the tortures, the pain of the pass not enough? If their was a higher form of power, did it get a kick out of her pain? Or was this evil, finding another poor soul and keeping it under it's watchful eye? Loving the tears, the pain, the suffering? Maybe this was a test? Maybe he wanted to see how much she can handle? If it were true, she'd hate him for it, but she'd still love him the same. But he would not notice.

I break in two over you, oh
I break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't

As the tear fell softly to the floor, she held back the remaining tears threatening to fall. She had confronted him, but he ignored her. Hurting her. Nothing hurts more than no words being said. She clung to him, begged him, cried over him, she even fought him, but still, nothing. As if out of the blue, everything had changed. Was it all just a dream? A fantasy? Did she loose her mind and not notice? As she stood there, lost in a world of depression, questioning it herself and still no answer, she had cought him glancing at her. At first for only a second and then, and then a moment. To the untrained eye it would look like he was looking right past her; as if not to see her herself, but she knew. And she knew that he did as well. Why was he doing this? A Test? A True Test? Say something, anything? Any little simple word. Why would he do this? But a small smile that could not be seen, for she smiled inside. The very fact that he had been looking at her this long told a different tale. Maybe he was comming around. Or maybe, just maybe, he was saying goodbye. All those happy memories flowing threw her brain. One last tear, rolling of softly. Meeting alone on the dusty road. She'd turn away and hope, pray, that she'd recover from this heartbreak. The only boy, guy, man she loved, would have not made her weaker, but stronger. A lesson in life was sent here, but what? She did not know. All she knew was that he had moved on, and now... so should she...

I break in two over you, oh
I break in two over you, over you
I break in two
I would break in two for you
Now you see me
Now you don't
Now you need me
Now you don't...

He watched her as she walked away. He had loved her. Still did. Any ninja would know that you cannot love. It is forbidden in ancient times of the Ninja. 'You must not let love get in the way of your natural duty. Your life belongs to your village, not anothers.' Sure they were both Ninja's, but they could not be. He would not be able to choose between his village and his love. Actually, he would, and thats why he must stop. His love was taking over him, body and mind. She was everything to him. His angel, his life, his reason for being. Proof that even though your past was dark, doesn't mean your future has to be. She was perfect to him. Possibly beyonde that if there were words. But that was just it. No words could describe. Her hair, so soft. Her eyes, so caring. Her lips, so sweet. Her body, those curves. Long has he dreamed of her in his arms again. The only person he'd give in too. The only girl, woman, he'd love. But theirs would only be a fling. He had to convince himself that before he could her. It was explained to him over and over that they could never be. He was special. Ment for a whole new form of combat. Thats how it was in Root. There was no room for Love. No room to feel, care, emotions, life. Just pain and death. She had been threw enough, he could not take her there, not again. He thought if he'd deny her, ignore her, push her away, be cruel to her if necessary, she'd see that he wasn't worth the world of hurt she placed upon herself. But it didn't work. It seemed every minute someone was comming to him of worse and worse news about her. Aranging a meeting to tell her first hand. The first time they'd talk in weeks, but when seeing her. Watching her stand there with watery, hopefilled eyes, he couldn't bare to face her. He had thought about it. Desperately fighting back his tears that wished, no, begged to fall. His heart was shot, broken, smashed into a million pieces.
Finaly, she could no longer wait for him. He knew now that she had made her decision. He asked her there so they could speak, but instead, he stood there like an idiot, ignoring her once again. He felt a warm vibe when she first appeared but now, it was cold. As if when she turned away, so did the heat. Maybe she had moved on? Maybe she felt that now it was his time to suffer? He had done it to her, he wouldn't blame her for doing the same. Balling his hands into fists at his sides, he vowed. He would never be this stupid again. Never let a good thing go, but there were no more good things. She was the last, the only. If she would fall, he would catch her. If she would die, he would fallow. She was dead now, or so everyone described. And he had seen it first hand. No color in her skin, no glow on her face. She seemed hallow. She once called him her light. Her future shinging brightly to which would lead her out of her darkness. And now he was gone from her sight. Burning out on her. A tear, rolling down his cheek, resting at his chin. He looked back up at the road she took. Nowing where she was headed. To her home of darkness, no flame in reach. But he had not gone out, he was still there, burning brightly. He would bring the warmth back to her. His Love, His Life. Taking off to fallow, his tear had already fallen. Landing ontop of the still laying tear she had droped. The two mixing to gether, to start anew.

You might be just what I need
No I would not change a thing
Been dreaming of this so long
But we only exist in this song
The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow
And if you come and meet me tomorrow
I will hold you down, fold you in
Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live
I break in two over you
I break in two
And if a piece of you dies
Autumn, I will bring you back to life
Of course I see you
I do

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