Smiles Like Sunshine and Tears like Thunderstorms (ALL TIME LOW)

This is the best time of day. A perfect excuse to stare without suspicion. Alex was a real performer, the kind you have to sit back and admire. Plus he’s not to hard on the eyes. Okay, maybe I have a huge, huge, fan-girling crush on him. But, it doesn’t matter. With her on tour, he doesn’t give the opening band’s merch girl (me) a second glance. Not that I blame him.
Tall, blonde, and skinny is way better than short, mud colored-brunette, even this short, brunette can tell that. She’s absolutely amazing with a winning personality and a mega-watt smile. I’m awkward, quiet, with a strange little smile that doesn’t come out half enough. I’m not ugly, and I’m not saying that. But who in their right mind pays more attention to cute than stunning? Not Alex, thats who.
“JEN!” Jack’s off stage and next to me, sweating and smelly but slightly charming in a unique way. “Off your post again, solider?”
Its this inside joke we have. He’s the captain, I’m the solider. I know captian should probably be leutentiant, but Jack likes captian better. “SIR NO SIR” I raffle of, “ONLY TAKING A SMALL BREAK! I’m on my way back now!”
But Jack just smiles and punches my shoulder. He’s kidding, and I knew that. But the punch threw me off balance. It was a “Hey I’m A Man And You’re A Man Too” punch. One of the guys. Sighing lightly, I go back to the merch table, stealing glances for Alex the entire time.
Watching him flirt and hug fans
There is an after party tonight, on All Time Low’s bus. The boys (Jake, Oz, and Aaron) in my band told me, but they didn’t need to. I could sense it. There is that feeling in the air when something scandalous is going to happen and everyone knows it, and tonight, that feeling is everywhere.
But I’m not exicted. Though The Object Of My Affections, his band, my band, and all the merchies, techies, roadies, girlfriends, and friends on this tour may be huge party go-ers, I’m not. I don’t drink. I don’t dance, I can’t sing. I go parties and I watch people forget who they are and what they should be doing, completely letting go. Sometimes, it feels like all the responsiblilties that they shrug off, if only for an hour or two, come to me, as I run around making sure no one barfs on something
important.
Tonight will be no different. I really shouldn’t go. But I’m attracted to accidents and trouble, and I do. I go to break my heart over Alex and her being the most perfect, adorable, affectionate, drunk couple in the history of time. And I sit, remembering my boyfriend at home, who is sleeping with that girl behind me back. Not that this is new. I’m a virgin, and plan on being one until I’m married Or in serious love. Old fashioned, maybe, but I respect myself. Also part of not drinking. Or smoking.
So, with those morals, from the moment I step inside that bus, I am out of my boundries. I don’t fit in, but I shove through writhing, dancing bodies and sit next to Rian. Rian is kind of like me. He drinks, but less, getting buzzed, never drunk. His girlfriend isn’t on tour, but he doesn’t sleep around like other boys might. I have a lot of respect for him and we get along well.
“Hey Rian. How’re you tonight? You played well.”
“I’m well, thank you. Your boys played well tonight, too. Where are they?” Rian smiles back, he’s very happy tonight.
“Oz is back on our bus, with some blonde. I think Jake is here dancing, but Aaron is in one of the bunks. Yours, actually. With some girl who looks like she’s had one too many.”
Rians face falls fast. “Seriously?” After I nod solemnly, I loose my only (semi)sober partner. I move a tiny bit, making room from a couple on the couch next to me. This new position finds me with a perfect opportunity to stare at my favorite couple, Alex and Lizzy.
They make me with my relationship with Chris back home was like thiers. Well, thats a lie. They make me wish I was Lizzy. They are holding hands, whispering, and giggling. They look utterly happy. Smiles that stick with you too long after the persons gone. Inside jokes that make you laugh by yourself in the middle of the night. I’ve seen it in movies, and I see it before myself every time I look at the pair of them. It kind of makes me sick, but I can’t stop watching it.
A smilely Jack wobbles over to me with Zack in tow, the pair plopping down on the other side of me. Zack has a girl, but Jack doesn’t. I don’t know Zack well, he is kind of reserved but has funny things to say when he gets out of his shell. Jack is one of my favorite people on this tour, but not when he’s drunk. When he’s drunk, he plays with my hair and breaths on me, sitting to close. But he apologizes in the morning when he’s headache reminds him of what he had done the night before. He’s sweet, but I can’t stop looking at Alex. His got that energy I can’t tear myself away from. I’m addicted to it, and I’ve hardly got a taste. I’m determined to get more.