AGE 15
''She's glaring at you again,'' my best friend, Melanie, said to me, as she set her tray down besides mine in the lunch room. ''Who – Oh,'' I asked, but stopped, when I realized who she was talking about. It was Brittany Grant, the girl who had basically had it out for me, ever since the beginning of the year.
Why? Because I was friends with Josh Farro.
It wasn't exactly a secret that Brittany had the biggest crush on Josh – practically everyone in the entire school was aware of the fact. Everyone, that is, except for Josh himself. Brittany would fall over herself to flirt with him at any given moment in any given day.
She was what was considered 'hot', by the guys' standards, at least. Big boobs, straight blonde hair, blue eyes with long lashes, big lips, and clear skin.
So it was only natural that she hated me because I was best friends with him, while she tried so desperately to get a moment alone to flirt with him. She wasn't the only person to think that Josh and I had a 'thing' going in – in fact, I'd bet about half of the tenth grade would agree with her.
''Look at her,'' Melanie snorted disgustedly, as I looked over at Brittany. Her eyes were no longer on mine, they were trailing Josh as he walked into the lunchroom, a brown paper bag in hand, his eyes scanning the room.
I stood up from my seat and waved. ''Hey Josh, over here!''
His eyes brightened as he saw me, he smiled, and walked over to mine and Melanie's table.
''Hey guys,'' he said, pulling up a chair next to me, and placing his lunch on the table. ''Hey,'' I said, cheerfully, as a ran a hand through my red hair.
''Ugh. Red alert Hay, Brittany the Bitch is coming over,'' Melanie muttered, glaring at the girl as she made her way towards our table.
She approached our tabled, and placed a well-manicured hand on it, leaning forward so that her shirt was dangerously open.
How much more obvious could she get?
''Hey guys!'' she exclaimed, cheerfully, in an all too sugary-sweet fake voice.
Melanie and I just stared at her as Josh looked up and smiled, saying hello.
She turned her attention to him – encouraged by his response.
''Hey Josh! Just the person I wanted to talk to!'' she giggled, as she leaned closer to him.
He didn't seem fazed by any of what was going on, while Melanie and I rolled our eyes, and mimicked gagging in the background.
''Listen, Joshie, you know there's that Sadie Hawkins dance thing coming up soon, right?'' she asked, as she twirled a piece of blond hair in her fingers. ''And like, girls get to ask the guys...'' she continued, fluttering her eyelashes – yes, she actually fluttered them. Melanie and I just stared, horrified at what was happening in front of us. She was coming on way too thick, it was disgusting.
''Oh yeah. I forgot about that,'' Josh remarked – oblivious to the absolute idiocy going on before his eyes - as he opened his bottle of water and took a sip.
''So like. I was wondering. Would you wanna go with me?'' she asked, pouting her shiny, gloss covered lips in what she apparently thought was cute. Me and Melanie turned our heads to hide our giggles.
''Go to the dance with you?'' Josh asked, rephrasing her question, as Melanie and I turned our heads back to watch with satisfaction as Brittany was going to get denied, and --
''Sure, that'd be cool,'' Josh continued, smiling at her.
...WHAT??
Brittany emitted a little squeal and hugged Josh happily. ''This is going to be ah-mazingg!'' she said, excitedly, jumping a bit. Josh looked at her sheepishly. ''Yeah, it'll definatley be fun,'' he said, a blush creeping into his cheeks as he noticed others were staring.
After a few more awkward minutes of listening to Brittany and Josh talk, Brittany finally sauntered back to her table, wagging her hips, and causing more than a few drops of drool to appear on guys' chins.
''What... the HELL was that about?!'' Melanie exploded at Josh. He looked at her bewildered. ''What?!'' he exclaimed, genuinely confused, his brown eyes cloudy.
''...THAT! THE WHOLE THING WITH BRITTANY-FUCKING-GRANT!'' Melanie exclaimed, loud enough to cause a few curious stares over at our table. I awkwardly looked down at my salad, fiddling with my fork. I felt hurt that Josh had agreed to go to the dance with the girl he knew hated me for no reason.
'It's not only that that's making you so hurt...' a voice chided in my head. 'You wanted to ask him first, you know you did, you wanted to go with him as more than just friends...' it continued.
I shook my head and bit my lip, feeling tears threaten to spill over my eyes, because I knew it was true.
''What?! I can't go to a dance with the only girl who's bothered to ask me?!'' Josh yelled at Melanie, furrowing his brow in anger, just as Zac walked up behind his brother, a plastic lunch tray in his hand.
''What? Who asked you to the dance?'' Zac asked curiously, as he pulled up a chair next to Melanie.
Both Melanie and Josh ignored him.
''Uhm. No, you can't go to the dance with THAT FREAKIN' BITCH. DO YOU KNOW HOW SHE TREATS US?!'' she exclaimed, furiously gesturing to herself and me.
I refused to meet Josh's eyes.
Josh stared at Melanie coldly, as he picked up his lunch and dumped it back into his paper bag, and got up from our table, heading towards Brittany's.
Melanie narrowed her eyes after him. ''Oh, he's going to be sorry.. When she dumps his ass for the newest star quarterback, he's gonna come crawling back here and -BEG- us to take him back, but I won't have any of it. I told him, but would he listen to me? NO!'' she muttered to herself, lowering her eyes to her salad, and stabbing it angrily with her fork.
Zac looked at me confused. ''What just happened?'' he asked, furrowing his brows.
I just bit my lip again and didn't say a word.
I came home from school that day and went straight up to my room. I threw my old canvas backpack on the floor, and laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, where glow-in-the-dark stars still remained, stuck to the top of my room with silly putty.
Josh, Zac, and I had put them up my first summer here.
Josh.
His name echoed through my head, taunting me. I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands furiously, willing myself to stop thinking about him.
But of course, it wouldn't happen.
Turning over to lay on my stomach on the bed, I groaned, and bit my lip for the umpteenth time that day.
I liked him – that much was obvious.
And I couldn't deny it no matter how much I tried.
And now, because of my late realization, he was going to the dance with the person that I most despised in this world, and I couldn't help blaming myself.
I knew I had wanted to ask him. I did.
Just then, the phone rang. I heard my mother pick up from downstairs, and I heard her footsteps coming up to my room. She tapped gently on my door and poked her head in. ''Hayley? It's for you,'' she said, holding out the phone towards me.
I took it from her and put it to my ear. ''Hello?'' I said into it.
''Hey Hayley-Berry,'' Josh's familiar voice said on the other line, using an old nickname he and Zac had fashioned for me in the 8th grade.
''Hey,'' I said.
''What's wrong?'' was the first thing he asked me. ''You seemed kind of down at school today, and you don't seem very happy right now.''
''Nothing's wrong.''
''Are you sure?''
''Yes.''
''Okay... I just wanted to check. Also.. You don't mind that I'm going to the dance with Brittany, do you? I mean, you saw how Melanie blew up at me, right? I don't want that to happen with us..'' he continued, his voice tapering off at the end of the sentence.
''It's fine.''
I was lying through my teeth.
''Really?''
''Yeah.''
More lying.
''That's good news, then,'' Josh said, a pure note of relief sounding in his voice. ''Cause like, I really think I like Brittany, and I hope this goes somewhere, y'know?'' he asked.
''Cool. Best of luck to you,'' I said.
How the hell did I manage that? I sounded cool and collected, but inside, I wanted to scream until the entire world heard me.
''Thanks, Hay. I really appreciate that coming from you,'' he said again, a hint of a smile in his voice. ''You're still gonna come to the dance though, right? It wouldn't be a dance without you, after all,'' he continued.
''I dunno. I don't think I really wanna go,''
''Come on, Hayley-Berry! It'll be fun. I'll save a dance for you – I promise,''
Now that sounded a bit better.
''...Well, I still dunno. Maybe,''
''Great! We can hang out with Brittany beforehand – maybe grab a bite to eat?''
''...Sure. Listen, Josh, I gotta go....''
''Oh, okay then. I'll see you tomorrow, Hayley-Berry!''
''Bye.''
I hung up the phone, and threw myself back on the bed, and stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars above me until they all blurred into one, giant, white-green shape.
