[Caden to Oli] - AIN'T LOVE GRAND -003

This is completely pointless- in a sense. But here I am... anyway.
Every bloody 'love' song that comes on- and all I think about is you. Whenever I do something, or see something you did- and I miss you even more. I feel completely at fault for your death. I could shoot myself- hang- drown- sufficate- if it weren't for Nathan. But this isn't about him...not a bit.
This is about you-me, and everything we had. I'm sorry for leaving when I should've stayed. And for breaking up with you. I was just afraid that you wouldn't want me. It was always one of my biggest fears.
When I left- I could't even tell you I loved you, because I meant it, and I knew if I said it, I wouldn't have left. And it probably makes no sense- but I needed to leave you. Because everytime I saw the hurt in your eyes- I hated myself. I really didn't want to hurt you anymore. It would've been better off that way.
When I found out you died- I cried. My entire world came crashing, all my walls shaking and crumbling, it was the end of my world- of me.
I'm still shocked that I walked away from that ohkay- knowing I'd never be able to kiss you, hug you, or even hold you. I don't know if you know [where ever you are] that I still love you. I still think about you- and all the great things we had and did. And every day that passes- I just miss you more.
When you left- a huge chunk of me vanished in thin air. And if I could- I'd go right back, and fix all the glitches and all my mistakes. I would've stopped all my stupid bullshit- which means nothing to me anymore. And I would've given you so much more, what you should've gotten.
This song I'm listening to- I'm sure it would've been the one for you. It just seems to go with you...
Mood Depressed, but doing alright.
Music Five Finger Death Punch- The Bleeding