Being Sesshomaru's Mate: Continuation Of My Sesshomaru Quizzes (Part 9 1\2)

You looked down at Kinomaru, trying to comfort his cries, which were only just beginning.
One question stirred in your mind. 'Does he love me?' He'd never actually said it, but you'd always believed he haddid. You wanted to believe in him still, but the doubts that swirled up would not be appeased by faith alone. 'And if he doesn't, and if he didn't...' the doubt echoed as Kinomaru began to cry louder. Then what about your sonthe son that was both yours and Sesshomaru's?
You began to question, next, just what it was Sesshomaru could ever even like about you. Having been raised in a small village, you had little education and were lucky simply to be able to read and write, a thing no one else in your village save your father and brothers had been able to do. You shook your head with vehemence, but that cleared up nothing. If anything, your thoughts were more jumbled than before. 'Good going, -----.'
The next time you looked around, your brother and the shape shifter were nowhere in sight, and you were back in the room you'd spent all of your days here in. You felt suffocated, anxious...
Well you have been there for quite some time :3
You wanted out, and if no one considered you important enough to rescue you, you were going to rescue yourself! Ok, so maybe going so far as to say you didn't think yourself important is a bit much, but one had to question the reason for your being there so long. You had to think. Maybe there was something you weren't doing. Something you were overlooking...
Pretending to be clever wasn't your strong point, but as a venture, perhaps while you were here, you should at least try to get information. Or even...! Let your brother think you had changed your mind. Doubt was a powerful thing. They'd both--your brother and the shape shifter--seen it take hold. If you waited it out a while, perhaps you could use that, but you needed something to make sure that was all it was--pretending. You searched every precious memory in search of something--anything--that you could anchor yourself with. It came to you almost immediately. That smile when Kinomaru was born. If he didn't love you, could he possibly smile at something of the both of you? And, however small, what a smile it was...
Yay, go you! A plan! ^-^
Convincing your brother of your change of heart was much easier than you'd expected. Even the shape shifter seemed accepting of it--if his silent smile of approval had been any judge of that. He'd taken on an illusion of your brother now--your brother more as he had once been--but it was as incomplete as his version of Sesshomaru. Always so lacking in one way or another yet you were always unable to place the exact defect aside from the previous mistake of Sesshomaru's missing arm. A more philosophical person might say it was the memories he didn't have the feelings the two people didn't share... but you were leaning more toward a mixture of that and "the small things." The things those he modeled after did and did not do that he did not or did, respectively.
You freedoms increased, but only very little for you brother insisted that they had to keep up the "appearance" of your unwilling capture. He discussed, in length, the things you could do to help them once you were back "on the other side." You were purposefully hesitant with some of the more radical suggestions, such as Sesshomaru helping them rather than Hotaka. After all, when one agreed with everything another said, it was more than slightly suspicious... especially with your somewhat rather recent "change of heart." You would sometimes try to probe your brother for information on what had happened to him after hed left to look for you in more detail, be he would not give it. He was much changed--not the brother from your memories. You wondered if he thought the same about you--his sister.
Who knows?
You'd learned both a lot and very little of Masakazu's plans, but Masakazu himself was strangely missing. It was whispered among the servants, whom you now saw and were no more or less impressive than Sesshomaru's own, that he had been killed. Your brother insisted, however, that he was in hiding and preparing an attack against Hotaka from behind [the entire battle plan was rather straightforward in a complicated manner, but your brother didn't see the point in your knowing; luckily you'd had enough experience in looking at the plan Sesshomaru was given to know what it showed]. You never got the chance to find out the truth before it happened: someone attacked the castle.
The panic that rose in response was almost enough to deafen demon ears. You were rather ill at ease yourself, but you could only hope this enemy of your enemy would consider you a friend. Or maybe, just maybe [though you scarce dared to hope], it was Sesshomaru himself who had come for you. If Masakazu was indeed dead...
Stop right there ;P That's just about enough wishful thinking.
Your brother was quick to come to you once the attack began. 'So much for thoughts of escape while they were otherwise occupied...'
"You're to go with them," was the first thing he said.
'...or not.' Still, this was something of a shock. "What?" you asked in a breath. Surprise, doubt and what you hoped didn't sound like hope. "What?" you repeated, louder this time as you laced it with more of a disgusted surprise to cover up for the last one.
"It'll be fine," he insisted, too much in a hurry to be dissecting tones and so automatically thinking you worried for your well-being. "They think you're still their ally. I'll make sure they never think otherwise." Did your brother truly remember you as such a selfish creature?
What a pity... but hey, you get to go!!!
He motioned and two of the servants began to push you toward your room while your brother fled. Maybe it had been a reflection of himself unto you. He was worried he might be captured. He's shown the desperation to create a place in which the two of you--strangers now--could live as brother and sister again... but he hadn't put much deep thought into it. It was the actions and the idea he was obsessed with. It made no sense. 'My dear brother... what has happened to you...?' With such priestly talent, how could he even consider helping demons--against you or otherwise?
The servants prodded you to resist their pulling, and you need no second invitation. They now how more than they could handle and you raced away from them. You never let your son out of your sight amongst these enemies, regardless of how you pretended to be their ally. He was your baby boy, and if anything happened to him there, you'd never forgive yourself, even if Sesshomaru did. When the wall ahead of you exploded in a shower of paper and splinters, you shielded Kinomaru with your body for that second before jumping out of the opening, which happened to be on the third story. It was not so far a jump and the two stories below it had suffered worse damage. You'd expected a larger force, really, and fighting, but there was only one person...
Are you excited? Think its Sesshomaru? Maybe, might be, should be, could be? ;P
He grabbed your arm and pulled you away the second you exited and you followed with very little hesitation. Another explosion not far off alerted you to the fact there were other fights taking place elsewhere. The person pulling you along now was certainly no one you knew, but he was not a fox demon and he looked like... well, like a dragon demon--a mere soldier, most likely. After a good two minutes, you considered leaving this man behind to try your luck on your own because you didn't know where--or to whom--he was taking you. You had to be careful for Kinomaru's sake if not your own. Kinomaru was quiet, blinking around at the trees that passed the both of you by with those big green eyes of his.
Your shock was considerate when you saw three figures ahead--one of them being Takuya [or rather, Kouryuun]. Without a word, the three "extra" left and Kouryuun motioned for you to follow him, walking off without waiting for your reaction. You followed, and time ticked by slowly as ever. You wanted to talk to him, to ask where you were going, but the silence was so profound you simply could not. He seemed so different from what you remembered. He was neither cheerful nor eccentric. Had that all been nothing more than a ruse? Or perhaps it had something to do with how your brothers had altered things. You couldn't know. "Why... did you save me?" you found yourself asking, though you immediately regretted the question. Not only was it badly formed, but it also betrayed the leftover trust from what was no longer true. Perhaps one could say you were even a little bitter.
Kouryuun didn't stop, but he did look back at you, his own face suspicious at your suspicion. You don't know what he saw there, but he immediately became straightforwardly polite. "Because my father is allies with Sesshomaru and you were being held captive on our lands." You caught undertone with ease. They didn't want Sesshomaru to think they were betraying him. He thought you no more than a necessary nuisance upon himself. You scoffed, feeling foolishly brave, but perhaps that was in your nature. "Then you needn't have wasted time--yours or mine." You quickened your pace now and walked ahead of him, determined to return to Sesshomaru on your own. Sure, you didn't know exactly where you were right now, but all you had to do was head due west and you'd eventually run into familiar land.
"Hold on a minute," Kouryuun called from behind you. You didn't overlook the almost jovial tone and turned to him. He was grinning. "Are you trying to say you were bidding your time? How much longer would you have waited exactly? There was a barrier up that we couldn't see past until recently, but that wouldn't have prevented you from coming out yourself if you could. Yet you say Iove wasted your time?" So that was why. A barrier. Your brother hadn't mentioned that, though it was likely his doing. He was the priest, after all, and these were the demons they needed protection from. "Of course. I wasn't just sitting there idly and doing nothing," you snapped indignantly. Ok, you had been sitting around rather placidly for a while, but that's only because you were frightened of the threat to Kinomaru. "But it's none of your concern what exactly I was doing. I'm going." You started off again, but Kouryuun trailed you. "You don't need to follow me." He chuckled. "And here I thought Sesshomaru had mated a docile know--nothing. You seem rather clever." Clever? Ha. You wished. A clever person would have thought of a plan much, much sooner and learned a lot, lot more than you had... or maybe it was clever. Now that you thought about it, anything you'd tried while Masakazu was still around might not have been as successful as this. Without his further restriction... well, you knew you'd done well enough and were proud, but you had to return to Sesshomaru.
"You're not very good at compliments," you pointed out, but you didn't pick up your pace when he increased his to walk with you. "I'm afraid I'm a little rusty. My own mate died a long while back." Died? He'd had a mate? "She was killed in the Western Lands," he said matter-of-factly with no hint of accusation. "But we found out the fox demons in the south were behind it. They were trying to spark a feud between the Eastern and Western lands so they might take over." Had that been the problem before? The one your brothers had died to make right? "Then why haven't you..." you began, but he finished, "Joined in the fighting? No one has asked us to help. This particular conflict isn't our business, really." You could imagine that. Proud Sesshomaru and overconfident Hotaka... 'Men...' You smiled, however. You were on your way back to Sesshomaru.
Excited? Think I'll make sure you end up not being able to see him anyways? :3
"...where are you going?" Kouryuun sounded amused, which annoyed you. "To Sesshomaru." His grin spread. "Well in that case, he's already found you..." You didn't have time to look at him oddly because you sensed Sesshomaru near by--up ahead. There, where there had been nothing but trees and more trees before. You abandoned your own hotty guise to run right to him. There was blood on his armorthe scent of it unfamiliar to youbut you didn't care. You threw an arm around him, careful to keep a hold on Kinomaru and not squish him. Sesshomaru didn't seem to mind, either, but you saw how his eyes slipped to Kouryuun. You felt Kouryuun's presence disappear and were relieved when Sesshomaru pressed you to him in such a hug his fingers still managed to glide along through your hair...
There. Enough to have you coming back to see what'll happen next? ^-^

Happy Sesshomaru's back in the story? ^-^ You should be. There will be one more update after this. I simply don't know when I'll get to it. Try not to think less of me if it's a long way off. I really will try to get it out soon. I've already written the very end. I just need the stuff between here and there.