|Three|x|Slip Into This Tragedy|x|Gerard Way||I'll Be Just Like You; I'll Be Beautiful|

I lay in bed, thinking.
Again, of him.
Why hadn't we succeeded?
Why hadn't it worked?
I want to scream.
Everything would be so perfect,
If what happened,
Hadn't happened.
My stupid, stupid brother ruins everything.
I decide to go for a walk.
I put on my hoodie and shoes,
And walk out the door.
It's raining.
The rain.
We used to dance in the rain.
Together,
We would just dance in deserted areas,
In the rain.
Not a care in the world.
It was perfect,
We were perfect,
Because he was perfect.
It is so painful.
It's almost unbearable.
Being on a walk without him...
It hurts.
I talk to myself,
Pretending he's there.
Hoping it will mend the hole in my heart.
It doesn't.

I ran all the way from my house to his.
Tears streaking my makeup stained face.
Why did my parents yell at me?
Why did my brother hate Gerard?
Why did everyone make fun of me?
All my life, it was always the same story.
I had gotten in a fight with my mom.
My brother and Dad were gone.
I was alone with her.
And she tore me down.
With her painful words,
Not caring, not caring one bit.
I banged on Gerard's door,
Growing highly impatient.
"Gerard! Gerard! Open the door, it's Maryha!"
I knew no one was home besides him.
He never left the house.
His brother and parents were never home.
I hadn't even known their names.
He came to the door,
His hair was a mess,
His eyes red and makeup smudged.
I crashed into his arms and he carried me to his room.
He held me while I cried and told him what happened.
"I just want this all to go away." I said.
"Do you? If you do then..." He said, looking at me intently.
He pulled up his sleeve.
Scars,
I ran my fingers lightly over them.
So pretty on his arm...
So pretty.
I nodded,
He smiled.
He got up and got his razor.
I shuddered,
It still had blood on it.
But for some odd, twisted reason...
I liked it.
He sat down next to me.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded again.
I gave him my arm.
"Okay Maryha,
Concentrate on everything bad in your life,
The emotional pain and replace it with the physical."
I knew why he had to explain it.
I was only 15,
He was 17.
I was un-experienced.
He put the razor on my wrist and pushed down lightly.
Not too deep, but enough to break the skin.
He slowly glided it across my once clean skin,
No longer.
A tear slid down my cheek.
I leaned my body against his,
The pain, god the pain.
But the blood,
The relief,
The beauty.
He set the razor down and gently,
Ran his fingers over the cut.
I looked up at him.
The pain, still it was so painful.
Suddenly, his lips collided against mine.
His lips so soft, so smooth.
He pushed his tongue into my mouth.
I pushed harder against him,
Making my lips hurt,
Making my wrist painless.
We soon fell on the bed.
His hand still touching my wrist.
Blood was on me, on him, and on the sheets.
I started to feel dizzy.
I wasn't used to it...
"Gerard, stop the bleeding."
I said in between breaths.
"Yeah, yeah, the bleeding."
He said frantically.
"Fuck, there's so much.."
Looking at me, at him, and at the bed.
He got up and carried me into his bathroom.
He washed off my arm and bandaged it.
I just wanted to sleep.
He changed me into some of his pajama's.
I was half awake though.
He carried me back to his room and laid me down.
I think he got undressed into just his boxers.
But I was too tired to notice.
He got in beside me and I cuddled against him
While he wrapped his arms around me.
We were sleeping on blood...
My blood.

Still lying on my bed.
Thinking.
Half awake.
Eyes opened.
Odd, maybe.
Not to us...
Not to us.
It was hard to stop the sleeping.
But now it's hard to start.
I don't want to.
I won't.
I'm so bored,
So deep in thought,
I need him next to me.
I need him holding me.
I need him destroying me,
So I can be beautiful,
Just like him.
I need that.
This dissection of my heart,
My soul,
My mind,
Is killing me.
Slowly,
Painfully,
But I'll find a way.
So help me Satan,
I'll find a way...
Two days later
I have to start school,
I have to re-take my freshman year.
Not good.
It's been a year since I met him.
Only a year.
I'm up getting ready.
Everything will be horrible,
I know that.
He won't be there,
Gerard won't.
I walk into the school.
Tears dried on my cheeks,
Make-up smeared.
This is what happens when you lose someone you love.
Everyone stares.
They fucking know.
Truly, I know they don't.
But I convince myself they do.
Because I do.
I know all the beautiful things we did.
I know all the nightmares we told eachother,
Smiling as each one shared.
I know the pain we're both going through...
I know.
I sit through the whole first half of the day.
Lunch time.
I sit there, not eating.
My body frail and weak.
Physical pain,
We need physical pain.
Oh god how I need it even more now.
How I long to feel it.
Long to feel his touch on me...
But I can't.
Not yet,
Not now.
I never really feel hungry anymore,
Growing more and more used to it.
Numerous times in the hospital,
Numerous times I told them I would eat,
Numerous times I didn't.
People keep staring,
Laughing at the stupid girl sitting all alone.
If only they knew,
I was laughing inside.
Laughing at their pitiful lives.
Because they don't know what it's really like to feel.
Feel what I felt,
What he felt,
What we felt,
Together.
Alone.
But not really,
We were all we needed.
We had eachother and we were fine.
Fine then...
Not fine now.
You.Poor.Little.Antisaint♥[Rest In Results]


All the memories spinning in my head,
Trying to make them feel real.
Trying to fix what's broken.
But what's broken is me...
And I need him to fix me...
I can't have him.
I may never have him...
I may always be broken.
Always.
-♥-
<3, Comment & Message.
♥Until|The|End|Of|Everything♥