"Tell me that your lying...please" I said, barley in a whisper.
The doctor shook his head at me as he left the room with a sigh. All I wanted now was to runaway and never look or think back to this moment in time. I wanted to yell my heart out, scream until I couldnt any longer, shout out all of my grief...and to die.
"Why Dean...why did you have to leave me..." I whispered as I stared at his cold dead body.
My body trembled from the lack of sleep from being here just praying and hoping that Dean would be alright. His smile that would brighten my day now would haunt me in my dreams. The life that we had together was now just a memory that will begin to grow old and die like all memories do. I walked towards his bedside and then placed a hand on his dead one. Never did I imagine that I would be here and in this position. Many people doubt that these tragedies will happen to them, and before this, I was one of them. People these days dont understand that life is precious and short lived. Worthless fights cause millions to die, each and every single day. All we do is cause more sadness, grief, and death than we need or want. I asked myself, why Dean? What did he ever to in his life to deserve this fate?
"Rebecca, its time you said good bye to Dean," my best friend, Alexis, said softly.
"I cant leave him here Alexis. I dont want to say good bye!" I said angrily.
She walked closer to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. We then hugged each other in sadness. My tears flowed freely as I cried for Dean and for the happiness I would never regain.
"He still is here Becca...he loved you so much. He is watching over you right now and he always will be." Alexis said through both our tears.
"I dont understand it Alexis! He never did anything wrong! The only thing he did was love me, gave me a new life, and start a new one!" I cried as I put a hand on my stomach.
"It was his time Becca, and nobody could have stopped this from happening. Not even you."
"How can you say that?" I asked painfully.
"Because its the truth Becca, and sooner or later you will have to accept that. I'm here for you Becca, but please dont cause yourself more grief than you deserve. You only have a few minutes before the doctors come and pick him up. I'll be outside the room if you need me." Alexis said as she gave me a saddened look and then walked out of the room.
Again I focused on Dean, and what I had to say to him before he is taken away.
"Dean...I'm sorry I couldnt save you from this. I really dont know what I'm going to do without you. Its more than being alone Dean, its raising our child without you. You deserved to see our child grow up and to see him or her smile just like you did. Your breaking my heart Dean...but all I really want to say is that I love you...I love you more than life itself. Good bye." I said as I cried in the chair next to him.
If Dean were still here, I know that he would be right here next to me stoking my dark brown hair out of my face.
"I dont want to see tears. I want to see your smile and I want to see those beautiful blue eyes I fell in love with." Is what Dean would say to me.
A sudden breeze swept through the room as the hospital windows opened to reveal a starry night sky.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Ritter, but its time." The Doctor said softly as a group of nurses followed him.
"Are you going to be all right miss?" one of the nurses asked me.
"Not for awhile I'm not" I said softly as more tears formed in my already red and puffy eyes.
"My condolences. Have a goodnight" she said sincerely and then followed the doctor and the rest of the nurses out of the room.
I ran my hand through my brown hair in frustration and confusion. No longer did I have that sense of security that Dean gave me when he was near me. I was lost and I had no idea how I would ever get myself out of this dilemma. Alexis walked in the room looking at me with the deepest sympathy for me.
"Do you want me to drive you home? I dont want you driving when your like this." Alexis said as she put a hand on my back, hoping to give me some comfort.
"I want to stay here"
"Becca...you cant. Please, come home with me."
I looked around the room one last time before I nodded my head slowly. She gave me a warm hug and then lead me outside the Hospital. Silence filled the car as we drove home because neither me nor Alexis had the energy or the want to talk. The memories of me and Dean filled my mind to the day we met and then to the day we got married. The shock of losing him still hadn't left me, but all I could do was remember what it was like to be near him.
"Do you want me to stay with you tonight Becca?" Alexis asked while she parked in front of my house.
I didnt realize we got here so soon...my mind was somewhere else at the moment.
"Its okay." I said for all I wanted was to be alone.
"I'll be right next door if you need me...just call me okay?" Alexis said giving me a look of concern.
"I'll be okay" I lied as I closed the her car door and walked inside the house.
Tears once again filled my eyes as I looked around the quiet and dark house. As I walked up to my bedroom I saw the pictures of me and Dean that we took when we we're younger. I also saw the picture of our wedding day. My mind flooded with the memory of him and how we use to laugh at the silliest of things and how we we're each others world. We might have had our fights, but they only caused us to get closer and learn from our mistakes. A shiver of regret went up my spine as I looked at the bed Dean and I shared together. The shivers never went away, but all the did was get worse as I crawled into my bed. Immediately my eyes closed from the chain of events from the night. All of my energy left me drained, but not before a tear slid down my cheek and onto the sheet.
"Rebecca..." A voice called for me. My eyes fluttered a few times, but they remained shut tight.
"Rebecca..." The voice called out to me once more.
This time I felt a sudden urge to get up...as if I was being pulled. I could feel my legs shaking underneath with every step I took towards the front yard. A bright white light illuminated through the glass by the front door causing me to squint as I neared. Tears filled my as I opened the front door and saw Dean smiling at me as if this had all been a prolonged dream.
"I knew you would come." Dean said as he stared into my blue eyes. Nothing could have stopped me from running up to him and just hugging him.
"I missed you so much." I cried.
He stroked my hair as he whispereed, "I have to".
"Why did you have to go...you didnt deserve to go!" I yelled.
"It was my time Rebecca...I wish I could have stayed with you longer. Even if it was just for a day, I would have lived it to the fullest. I'm sorry I caused you all this grief Becca because you dont deserve it. Especially when your expecting our child." He said as he lowered his head.
"How did you know?" I asked a few more tears slid down my face.
"I always knew it Becca, but I waited for you to tell me."
"I cant raise this child on my own Dean! Please...come home."
"Yes you can! You're the strongest person I have ever met Rebecca! You have so much love to give and I know that you have the strength and perseverance to do it. I'll always watch over you...I promise" He said as he brushed some loose hair out of my face.
His eyes gleamed with warmth and love that washed over me and giving me a sense of peace.
"Promise me something...Promise me that you'll never look back and blame yourself for this." Dean said as he caressed my cheek.
"I promise you until the day I die." I replied back as my voice slightly faltered.
Tomorrow would be a new day to live for Dean for he could not anymore. No matter how much I would miss him, I know for a fact he will be in my heart. The many memories that we shared together would also serve as a way to remember him.
"Its almost time for me to go Rebecca...I hope you know I never meant to hurt you."
"Of course I know that...It wasnt anybodies fault. It just... happened. And Dean-"
"Yes?" he said.
"Why did you come to see me tonight?" I questioned.
A small smile escaped him as he replied with, "Because I knew you were hurt. I couldnt just leave you alone with the grief that I had caused. Thats why I had to come to see you tonight.".
Instead of trying to hide my emotions I wrapped my arms around his neck and met his warm lips. Seconds now felt like days, and those days seemed to turn into an eternity.
"I'm sorry" he whispered before disappearing away from the world.
My tears seemed to be swept away as a warm breeze swept past me and giving me the boost of confidence and peace that I needed. Overwhelmed by the meeting I had with Dean, I began to walk inside. Before I entered my house, I looked up into the light orange sky and up into the sill rising sun. My heart skipped a beat as I saw Deans smile beaming down on me. People would normally be in tears after losing a loved one, especially your true and only love. But what those people dont realize is that they never really leave us because they live on in our hearts. I know this because I've lived it and I knew how it felt to be heartbroken and lost. Deans love for me is what saved me from myself and I will always remember him and love him for that.
To love, or not to love. That is the true question.
"Mommy are we going to see auntie Alexis today?" My son James asked me.
"We all are champ." Chris, my second husband, replied with a wide grin. I smiled as I watched them play around for a few minutes.
"Come on boys, we need to start walking over there." I interrupted their game.
Both them laughed as they ran out the house like little kids playing an extreme game of tag. A grin came upon my face as I walked outside the house and felt the sun warm my body.
"Come on mommy!" James hollered at me as he went to catch up with Chris.
"I will honey, dont worry about me." I replied back before he ran.
A breeze that I haven't felt in over ten years surrounded my body.
"Dean" I whispered as I turned around.
Not a soul was around, but I could feel his presence near me. Instinctively I looked up into the sun. His green eyes stared at my blue ones as he sent me a smile. I smiled back as I closed my eyes and let the memories of him flow thought my mind.
"Thank you Dean. If you didnt come to see me that night, I dont think I could have ever been happy again."
"It was our love...I love you." he replied back as his image faded away.
"You okay Becca?" Chris said, looking worried.
"Yeah...just thinking." I replied softly as I gave him a soft kiss.
"Come on, lets go" Chris said a he took my hand in his.
Never did I break my promise of loving Dean. I couldnt even if I tried because he lives within James. His eyes remind me of him and just how much he gives out his love. Time after time I will lose myself in this world, but its love that keeps me strong.
I really hoped you enjoyed my story!
Thanks! Mazehawk
