Edward couldn't stop thinking about Mindy. It was driving him mad. He forced himself to stare out the window instead of at her. He was having such conflicting thoughts. He didn't want to feel anything for her, but it was too late for that. He had to get rid of these feelings before it broke him down. He could never be with her because of who and what she was. He couldn't even explain what it was about her that he loved. It was just...everything.
He felt cruel telling her to behave 'or else', but he did it for her own good. He was in a very unstable mental state, and he really didn't want her to leave him. But he wasn't confident in his patience at the moment, and he knew that if she wasn't careful, he could leave her without thinking. He didn't want to.
It was so frustrating. If it were up to him, Mindy would be just another normal human girl and he would be able to love her and be without with only a slightly guilty conscious. But if she were another normal human girl, he might not love her because she wouldn't have the traits that being a homunculus gave her, like her childish naivete.
He knew it was all a lie, anyways. If it were really up to him, Katie would never have died for him. She would still be here, but that would mean Mindy wouldn't exist. But maybe she would have come back in a different Homunculus' body, and she would be happy. She wouldn't have Ed there to make her sad. And Edward would be happy with the girl he had loved. The girl he still loved.
But it wasn't up to him. She was dead, gone, six feet under. And Mindy was here, sitting so still in front of him as she tried her best to behave. She tried her best at anything that would please him. She would willingly do anything he told her to. She couldn't disobey him, it wasn't physically possible. And she was incapable of dying. She would never leave him like that.
So why couldn't he have her? Because she was a Homunculus...of Katie.
His heart ached as he stared out the window, forcing his expression to be neutral.
Mindy watched as the trees passed by out the window. She recognized the terrain. They were almost to their destination, and then they would be off to Rizembool. She loved Edward's hometown, but she didn't want him to leave her there.
Technically, what he said was a threat, not an order. She wished that he had ordered her to behave. But he threatened her, so she had to be a good girl all on her own without any help from her strange inability to disobey him.
He didn't say anything when the train stopped. He just got up and began leaving. Mindy grabbed his suitcase and her bag like she always did and followed him off the train. She waited outside by herself, for the first time, while Edward went inside to see Mustang. He had glanced at her when she stopped. He had most likely expected her to be troublesome and follow him inside, but no. She was trying so hard to be good.
She sat down on a bench as she watched him stroll up the stairs and into the building, manila folder in hand. She closed her eyes and leaned back. She held in tears she knew would flow later that night as Mendacity whispered to her.
"Look at what he is putting you through," she cooed, "Why do you love him?"
"I don't know," she whimpered truthfully. Because he is Edward, I suppose.
"It is only natural for an imperfection to love perfection," Mendacity said, quoting what Mindy had thought deep down inside. "But soon you will be perfect. I will make you perfect."
And then Edward will love me...? her thoughts cried softly.
"And then Edward will love you," Mendacity comforted her.
Her chest burned and she forced herself to calm down. She didn't want people to see her choking and coughing up blood. She should have expected it, causing herself such pain. She felt bad for Mendacity; it was what she caused her everyday. It was all her fault. Everything was her fault.
But what more would you expect from a fraction?
Edward had to explain to Mustang what happened at the prison. His report said it all, but he couldn't help but vocalize his half truths. Yes, I trapped a few of them in cages. No, I didn't kill all of them myself. Yes, a few killed each other. No, I don't know how so many died without injuries.
Yes, Homunculi were involved.
It was the truth, wasn't it? But he made it seem as though one of the SinsLust, Gluttony, Envy, anyone but Mindyhad killed the prisoners. So he told a half truth, convincing Mustang that the Sins had interfered for some reason. Most likely to make Edward look bad or something. Who knows?
And it didn't bother him. He wouldn't let Mustang know that Mindy had done it; he wouldn't ruin her by handed her over to the military. She was innocent, in her own way. He wanted to keep it that way. Of course she wasn't completely innocent, none of them were. Edward had killed, Mindy had killed, Kiki was an executioner, and Al had helped with human transmutation. Mindy seemed like the most innocent of them all, so he told the half truths.
He had been telling half truths for so long, now he could do it without even trying. No one could tell the difference any more.
Everyone back in Rizembool would be pissed if anyone found out what you are.
Half truth.
How did no one notice that? Everyone seemed convinced that he hated Mindy. He was doing a good job at that, but he wasn't convincing the person he wanted to mosthimself. It tore him up inside, and the part of himself that wasn't missing seemed like it was dying while his already broken heart shattered even more.
But he kept a straight face as he walked out of the building, his cold expression set as he walked down the steps. His heart only ached more as he gazed down at Mindy, sitting so still on a bench, staring forward, not moving an inch. Not even to warm her self against the cold wind that had picked up.
"Come on," he said, passing her by.
She obediently stood up and followed him, carrying his suitcase and her bag. She had always carried his things, since he could remember. She just wanted to be helpful, and yet he was so unkind. And he knew why, too. She acted to him for the same reason that he acted toward her. Love.
But she was hopeful. He knew that in her mind, if she tried hard enough and if she was helpful enough, he would love her back. But he already loved her. She didn't understand that. She didn't understand that there would be no happy ending. There would only be a million heart breaks each time he felt the need to tell her how he felt. Because she knew that he would make her forget. He didn't know how she knew that it was Edward that caused her to forget things. She probably just put it together when he was the first thing she saw each time she woke up. But no matter how she did it, she still knew.
So he held in his tears and walked on. Think simple things, he told himself, Buy two train tickets. Go back to Rizembool. Wallow in your own selfish misery.
She sat down on the train again, silently waiting to get back to Rizembool. She didn't know whether or not she should tell her friends what Edward had said. She would probably start crying if she did, and then they would all get really mad at Edward, which would make him angry with her.
So she closed her eyes and drifted off to the dark place where the mirror stood.
How close are we?
"Look and see."
Mindy pulled away only slightly, her hands morphed into Mendacity's. About thirty percent of their body was one. Not quite half, but close enough.
It's not much, she frowned.
"We are getting there." Mendacity stared forward as she spoke, "Soon enough, we will be one."
And then...
"...Edward will love you."
Mindy let out a soft sigh as she opened her eyes. Edward stared out the window, oblivious to her gaze.
And then, Edward will love me, her thoughts repeated.
->
~Quotes~
1. "Why don't I feel guilt?"
2. "Ed is not perfect."
3. "Edward will love me."
I think I'm going to update again! ^.^ Might as well torture them as soon as possible as to put an end to their misery sooner... Muahahahahahaha...
