[Pretty Strung Out For A Girl] [Frank Iero] [70]

I couldn't help but think about how crap my life was going as I walked down the sidewalks and towards my house, the sound of excited laughter from other students growing fainter. I had a lot to look forward to; seeing Frank in the morning, spending the day with him, seeing him smile when I gave him his present, the school dance...but the fact that I'd realised everything I had to look forward to involved Frank made me feel weak and dependable, like I needed him to be happy.
The scary part was that it was true; the first thing on my mind in the morning was always Frank and how great it would be when I got to see him, hug him, and maybe even hold his hand. It was awful; I felt so...vulnerable and powerless when the realisation struck me. And it's not as though anything will ever happen between us, anyway; he just think of me as the dependable friend from England. Nothing more.
With a long sigh, I trailed down my driveway and towards my front door. Just another week I thought to myself cynically. I hated getting in these moods; one thing would make me slightly upset and I'll start listing the other crap parts of my life. That's what led to me being so depressed with the whole Alex thing; I was so consumed by my feelings for him that I would refuse to spend time with my Mum and my friends in case my obsession dies off. Pathetic.
'I'm home,' I called out half heartedly as I closed the front door behind me, entering the warm atmosphere that was my home. I kicked off my Converse and took my messenger bag from my shoulder.

'Hey, have a good day?' Mum entered the hallway to greet me as usual, but one thing about her seemed different. She was fumbling nervously with the sleeves on her long jumper, her smile wavered. Something was wrong.
'Um, yeah. It was okay. Are you alright?' I rushed, furrowing my eyebrows at her.
'Look...we need to talk,' she said, her voice in a recognisable nervous and serious tone; it was the same one I heard when I found out I was moving to New Jersey and when I was told I'd have to see Frank less. Nothing good comes from that tone.
'Okay, but I want to ask something first,' I sighed, receiving a confused nod from her, 'is it something I've done wrong?' I asked, causing her to place her hands on her hips and shake her head disapprovingly at me.
'Come on,' she sighed, irritation suddenly evident in her body language as she walked into the dining room, ushering me to follow her.
'Hey Matt,' I smiled at my soon to be step father as he sat at the dining table, his usual bold smile seeming lesser than usual. I'd learned from my time living with Matt that he was never the sort of person to get nervous much, so this mustn't be something good that they have to tell me.
'You're freaking me out,' I said honestly as I sat on the chair opposite Matt. My Mum pulled up one of the wooden chairs beside him and sat in it, nervously tapping her fingers on the wooden table in front of her.
'We have some news,' Matt breathed, placing his hand on top of my Mum's.
'Good or bad?' I asked stupidly; of course it was going to be bad news if they're being this nervous and cautious.
'We're actually not sure how you'll take it,' Matt tried to chuckle, but his laughter was completely dry. I'd never seen my Mum look so uptight before.
'Please can you both do me a favour and get this over with? My nerves are already spiked as it is,' I sighed, trying not to sound bitchy.
'I guess there's no easy way to say this,' Matt sighed, looking over at my Mum. She stared back at him thoughtfully, as though having one of those mental conversations with each other.

'Lienna,' Mum started, biting down on her lip, 'I'm going to have a baby.' She finished.
I felt my bottom jaw lower, revealing the inside of my mouth to Matt and my Mum. My Mum is going to have a baby? As in, she's pregnant?
'You are pregnant?' I asked clearly, disbelief in my nervous and shocked tone. My Mum was a thirty seven year old woman, about to get married to a guy that she'd known for barely a year, she moved me across the world and now she's pregnant? God, she doesn't like to waste her time...
'I'm a month along,' she said, not even looking at me and instead fixing her intense stare at her and Matt's hands lain on the table.
'Did you plan this?' I asked, a beak in my nervous voice.
'I found out three days ago, Lienna. Turns out I don't have the flu; I was throwing up because of the morning sickness...and no, it wasn't planned...but we're going to have this baby,' she said, Matt's fingers wrapping around hers sickeningly tight. I couldn't bear to look at them both together knowing that they'd actually...you know, done it with each other. Surely there comes an age when people with kids should stop doing those sorts of things. I shivered with repulsion, hating myself for doing so.
'So I'm not enough trouble for you? You want to try this out all again?' I said angrily, my voice progressively getting louder, 'was I such a screw up for the last seventeen years that you'd rather have a fresh start? I can't believe you! You move me out here with this guy you've barely even known for a year, tell me you're getting married...and now look; you're God damn pregnant!' I yelled, my days of frustration spilling away, 'What the hell did I do to deserve all of this? I've lost friends, gone through yet another year of high school, been restricted from being able to hang out with the one person that makes me feel good about myself...all just to make you happy!' I was on the brink of screaming at her. My throat was hurting and I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I hurriedly rose to my feet, noticing my Mum beginning to cry in front of me.
'I'm sure you're perfect husband can give you some sympathy; it's not like you need me anymore, is it?' I said bitterly, pushing the wooden chair away from me so forcefully that it collapsed onto the wooden floor with a loud thud. I didn't hesitate to scramble away from the dining room and hurriedly tug my Converse onto my feet, pushing the front door open and slamming it loudly behind me. My knees suddenly grew weak; causing me to collapse to the hard paved floor beneath me.
I held my head in my hands, a stinging pain now in my knees. I knew that they were bleeding but it was nothing compared to the pain I was already in.
'Lienna?' a concerned, familiar, light voice met my ears; Frank. I couldn't help but cry even more at the sound of his voice, the other crappy parts of my life all piling on me like a huge bulldozer.
I felt his two arms wrap around me like a protective cage from everything bad in my life. He pulled me close to him, whispering in my ear as I shook from my pathetic crying.
'I'm here,' he said into my ear, my body suddenly feeling like it was floating.
'Ta-take me to y-your house,' I stammered through my frantic crying, allowing Frank to wipe the tears from my face with his fingers.
'But I thought you couldn't go th-' he started, but I shook my head in protest.
'This is an exception,' I whimpered pathetically. His hand supported my lower back, his other holding my hand tightly as he helped me to my feet. He wrapped his arm around my waist and assisted in getting me off my driveway and over to his house.
'W-why are you not at Bob's?' I wondered curiously, trying to hide the shaking in my voice and failing miserably.
'I decided to go home; I wanted to be alone with my thoughts for a while,' he explained as we walked up his driveway, 'but I get something better than that now.'

Am I beautiful? Am I useable?

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