|Counting your face among the living| A Frank Iero story [1]

They came again, today, my love. To give me a sedative with a needle. You would've loved the feeling it gave me. I felt weightless, as if nothing bad or good had ever happened. Numb and dead, I felt. Dead, just like you. I loved you with my whole heart, Ella. I will always love you with all of my heart. Do you remember that day when we pledged our love always? Do you?!

Well, I do and I'll never forget it. But really, sweetheart, you shouldn't have killed yourself over me.

[pgbr]
The phone rang. "Bloody hell," Frank muttered, rubbing his eyes. His head hurt like a bitch with nine STDs. "Fucking A." He picked up the phone. "why the fuck are you fucking calling me at the fucking crack of dawn?" he said into the phone groggily.

"Frank?"

"I think so," Frank said. God his head hurt.

"Um, hi. It's Mikey..."

Fuck, he called me at six in the morning to tell me his name is Mikey. Brilliant. "Yes, okay, what the fuck do you want, Mikey?"

"Um, I'm having a party tonight and-"

"Will there be beer?" Frank interjected.

"Uh, sure...I'll have Elise pick some up. But, yeah...The party's at seven in my apartment's basement, you knwo where that is, right?"

Frank closed his eyes and sighed. "yeah, I know where your fucking basement is." Suddenly, that statement seemed very funny and frank began giggling. "Ha, basement..."

"You okay?" Mikey asked in a high pitched voice.

"I'm fine, Mikey. Just dandy. I have a fucking hangover and a bitching headache so I would really appreciate if you'd hang up right now."

"Oh, okay," Mikey said. "Um, bye!"

"I'm fine," Frank muttered as he hung up the phone. But in that moment, he doubted if he'd ever been fine. If he would ever be fine again. he shook his head and got out of bed. Frank pulled on a random shirt lying on the floor, one of his "Pency Preps'" shirts, and headed out the door.

"Where the hell are you going?" Frank's mother called after him.

"Damned if i know, Ma!" Frank called after himself and slammed the door. "fucking bitch." He rubbed his head as he walked down the sidewalk. He was halfway to nowhere when he realized that he didn't have any clue where he was going. "Fuck." He rubbed his eyes and looked around. He checked his pocket for his wallet and checked the wallet for cash. He had about ten bucks. Good enough for breakfast. He walked into a cafe and sat down. suddenly, his cell phone rang.

His ringtone told him that it was Ella, so he was careful not to snap her head off. "Hello?" he said, with as little slurring as possible.

"Hi, Frank. It's Ella, um, did you waant to go skateboarding today? I just got a new deck..."

"Love to. When?"

"'Well, since you're up...now?"

"Holyshit, now?"

"Um, if it's too early...I just really need to talk to you." The last part of her words were hurried and her voice sounded as if she were going to cry.

"Sure, Ella, I'll be right ov-"

"No!" she said in a harsh whisper. "Not here, my 'rents are home! Um, I'll-I'll meet you at the park."

"Okay, sweetie, I'll see you in a bit. love you!" He cooed, and then realized that she'd hung up without saying goodbye. "Damn, wonder what's wrong," he said softly, and then waved the waiter goodbye and walked out into the cool morning. He stopped off at his garage to grab his board, and popped into the kitchen for a popTart...or something.

"Frank!" his mother said, getting up from her chair.

"No time to talk, Ma, gotta meet my girlfriend at the skatepark. We're gonna make out big time and hopefully get the cops called on us."

"Frank!" His mother's voice sounded shocked.

He laughed. "Don't worry, I've got condoms in my pocket." He ran out the door before she could say anything, laughing loudly.[pgbr]
Ella was already at the skatepark when Frank arrived. She sat on her bord looking mournful, her black eyeliner was smeared and she looked like she'd been crying. Frank walked up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, sugar."

"Don't call me that, Frank," Ella said, her voice was hard and cold as ice. She stood up and began ollying around the park. Frank followed her, walking.

"so, you said you wanted to talk?"

Ella sniffed. "I-" she wavered and took a deep breath. "I think that we should seeotherpeople. It's justnotworkingout and Ineedsomeonemoresupportive."

"What?" Frank asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ella stopped ollying. "I said-" She took a deep breath. "I think we should see other people and-" Another deep breath."that it's just not working out and that I-" Breath. "Need someone more supportive." She began to cry and walked away. Frank stood there, numb. He watched her leave and sat down on a nearby bench. Pulling a safety pin from his shirt, he made a swipe on his arm. It hurt like hell, but he saw a gash of blood on his forearm and smiled.

"fuck you," he muttered, flipping off the world. He made another gash on the arm and laughed. "go to fucking hell! All of you!" He was screaming now, blood pouring down his arm. "I DON'T NEED YOU!" He was laughing, then crying, then screaming an unearthly wail. "I.DON'T. NEED. YOU. I DON'T NEED ANYONE! JUST A FUCKING KNIFE!" He crumpled o n the cement and lay there, not breathing, not moving.