'I walked slowly towards Gerard as he stood by his car.
I wasn't in a hurry for this conversation.
'I'm sorry,' he said quietly before I'd even reached him.
I shrugged as I stopped in front of him. I didn't know what to say.
'I was selfish...and I don't want us to fall apart because I was stupid,' Gerard continued.
How do you reply to that?
I guess the expected answer would be some variant of 'me either'.
My answer was...silence.
'Keira?' Gerard asked quietly as I stared at the floor.
OhGodohGodohGod, I though to myself. Here was Gerard telling me he didn't want to break up - yet half of me was wishing he
said he didn't want to see me like that anymore.
I looked up at him and my heart sank. His eyes were pleading for forgiveness - I couldn't blow him off on the vague chance
that maybe Frankie could feel something for me. And if he didn't...was the risk to find out worth losing Gerard
and my best friend.
'It's okay,' I croaked out eventually.
The worry that had been painted on his face only seconds before seemed to evaporate instantly.
'Really?' he asked. He sounded like a scared little kid.
'Really,' I answered with a weak smile.
'Thank you,' he replied taking hold of my right hand and bringing it to his lips.
'You coming in?' I asked after a few seconds silence.
'Nah' Gerard smiled. 'Dad's already hit the roof that I left the house on Christmas Day. But you'll be around
tomorrow?'
'Yeah,' I confirmed. 'Party at Ray's.'
'I'll pick you up,' Gerard replied.
'Okay,' I said as he leaned down to kiss me.
'Merry Christmas,' he smiled slightly, before walking back to his car and driving away.
I turned around to head back into the house just as Frank strode past, pulling his jacket around him.
'Frank?' I called.
'I just have to go do something,' Frank replied hurriedly. 'My parents are inside, there's breakfast for you. I'll see you
later, okay?'
With that he continued quickly down the street leaving me standing open mouthed...and freezing.
No!!! I want FRANK!
'Hi!' Ray yelled loudly, pulling me into a hug as he opened the door to greet Gerard, Mikey and I.'The party's
in...actually the party's now everywhere.'
'Er Ray...what the hell are all these people doing here?' Mikey asked, looking round. 'Do you even know who they are?'
'People who read this!' Ray held up a crumpled flyer.
'Free beer all night?!' I exclaimed, snatching the paper from his hand. 'Since when was this a free for all?'
'Hey I didn't make the flyer,' Ray answered as he led up into the kitchen. 'Drink?'
'Where from?!' I asked as Ray handed me a paper cup. There were people everywhere - sitting, lying...dancing on the
counters.
'I think the standard stuff is by the guy lying near the refrigerator,' Ray replied. He looked slightly hysterical. 'The
more original stuff is...er...oh there...behind the two goths making out by the sink...
'Nice,' I replied slowly as Mikey nearly got speared by a particularly spikey accessory as he reached for a bottle
of...something that resembled a testing sample from a swamp.
'Hey, is Frank here?' Gerard asked Ray loudly over the blaring music.
'Yeah, he was in the basement last time I saw him, let's go g-OKAY WHOPUT MADONNA ON?' Ray yelled, cutting himself
off as he strode out of the kitchen.
'Wanna go find Frank?' Gerard asked, squeezing my hand. 'Mikey looks like he'll be occupied for a while.'
I looked to where Gerard was pointing, and found that Mikey was clutching a box of matches.
'Shouldn't we take those off him?' I asked with a frown as Mikey began filling a row of shot glasses, each with a
different unidentified substance in each.
'He's survived eighteen years,' Gerard said with a grin. 'Come on.'
We reached the top of the basement stairs just as Madonna thankfully screeched to a halt and was replaced by -
'Celine Dion?!' Gerard and I asked simultaneously in surprise.
Afew seconds later Celine disappeared too and the sounds of Green Day filled the house.
'Now that's more like it,' I grinned as we headed down to find Frank, carefully weaving through the mass of people
congregated on the stairs.
'Keira! Hi!' Someone squealed from the crowd below.
I was shocked to see some of my old friends waving at me.
'Er...hi,' I replied with a frown, pulling Gerard after me. 'What are you guys doing here?'
'Free house!' Nick, who'd been one of Scott's best friends, yelled with a drunken smile. 'A few of us came for beer, but
then Anna got...distracted.'
'Right,' I replied slowly.
I had no idea what Nick was talking about, but my stomach lurched at the thought of seeing Anna. She'd gotten increasingly
hostile since our homeroom run in in September.
'I want some more of that blue stuff,' Nick slurred. He led his group out of the basement, each one pulling me into a
drunken hug as they went past.
'That was...'
'Weird,' Gerard finished.
'Very,' I agreed as I searched the room for Frank.
'GERARD!' Ray yelled down the stairs. 'MIKEY SINGED HIS TONGUE. COME AND SORT HIM OUT, WILL YA? Hey! PUT THAT LAMP
DOWN!'
'I'll be back,' Gerard waggled his eyebrows as he massacred Arnie's line.
I rolled my eyes before continuing my search. I felt the first flutter of butterflies at the thought. I hadn't spoken to
him at all since yesterday.'
I halted my search immediately upon hearing the unmistakebly high pitched giggle of Anna Lynch. She was obviously flirting
with someone, we'd been friends for long enough that I knew when her laugh was fake. Which was most of the time. I turned to
go in the opposite direction, but her next words caused me stop mid spin.
'Oh my God, Frankie you're so funny!'
FRANKIE?!
She didn't mean my Frankie...did she?
Not that he was mine but you know what I mean.
I steeled myself and followed the sound of the hyena laugh.
What I saw made me feel physically sick.
Anna was cooing over Frank while he strummed some soft chords on one of Ray's guitars.
'I never realised how talented you were,' Anna fawned over him.
'Well, I never realised how...nice you were,' Frank replied with a grin.
I'm guessing my expression was one of utter disgust.
'Guess we have more in common than we thought,' Anna leaned towards him.
Oh no. Please, in the name of all things holy, do not let her kiss him.
'God obviously hates me.
Frank closed the distance between them.
In that moment I felt my heart break.
It had taken me a long time to realise that while I was attracted to Gerard...I was pretty swiftly on my way to completely
falling for Frankie.
I felt my throat constrict as I finally released the breath I'd been holding I turned on my heel quickly and raced
upstairs, crashing into numerous people, without apology.
'Hefugera,' Mikey raised an arm in greeting.
I ignored him. I was a woman on a mission.
I headed straight for Gerard, put my hands on his shoulders and kissed him fiercely.
'Ewwwwwwwww,' Mikey mumbled disgustedly.
I hated myself for what I was doing. To tell the truth, what I'd felt yesterday when Frank had taken my hand was something
I'd never felt - not even with Scott.
And it was certainly a lot more than what I was feeling as I kissed Gerard.
I stepped backwards feeling ashamed - and even more so when Gerard smiled widely at me.
'Hey, listen,' I said quickly as I fiddled with my bracelets. 'I'm not feeling too great so I'm gonna go home, okay? I'll
see you tomorrow.'
'Wait,' Gerard frowned as I turned to leave, 'I'll drive you.'
I felt the blood drain from my face as I looked at the cup in his hand.
'Gerard, promise me you won't drive anywhere tonight,' I whispered.
'What?' He looked confused.
'You've been drinking,' I replied.
'Not much,' he said with a shake of his head.
'Gerard just promise me,' I pleaded with him.
'OKay I promise,' Gerard replied seriously. 'I'll just crash here.'
'Thank you,' I whispered, turning to leave once more.
'Keira you can't walk home!' Gerard insisted.
'I can,' I said with a grim smile. 'I need to. I'll call you tomorrow. Oh and by the way...Frank's
downstairs...with Anna Lynch.'
With that I hurried outside and started running down the street. The tears streaming down my face made it hard to see but
I didn't stop until I collapsed, completely out of breath on my front porch.
Only when I'd completely exhausted myself from crying did I drag myself to my feet, go to my room and flop face down on to
my bed.
MEANIE!!!
My phone woke me up.
That's the thing about them - they intrude into your life but give you no warning whatsoever as to what the call will be
about. If I'dve know what this particular call was about I wouldn't have gotten out of bed and answered. I would have shut my
eyes and prayed that I was still asleep.
'Hello?' I croaked. My brain just about registering the time on the clock as just after two am.
'Keira,' Ray sounded panicked. 'You need to come meet me.'
'What? Why?' I asked, still half asleep.
The only word I made out from Ray's hurried reply was 'hospital'.
'What's Mikey done now?' I asked with a small laugh.
'Not Mikey,' Ray replied, and this time his tone of voice caused my heart to stop.
'Ray?' I asked, worried what he was going to say.
'There's been an accident,' Ray said.
My knees buckled at the words and it took all my strength to keep myself standing. They were the same exact words I'd
heard only a few months earlier. The chill they sent through me was achingly familiar.
Ray's next words were almost identical to the words of my mother on the night of the crash. Only the name was
different.
'It's Frankie.'
I was running towards my car before the receiver hit my bedroom floor.
If you've killed him you're in trouble! (me: aaaaaaagh leave me alone *runs away*)
