I Can't Make You Love Me 3, You're Going to Die, so Buck Up ~YYH

"It's always sad when the young ones die." Mitsuko's words cut into your heart and sent a chill through your flesh. In spite of her still goofy tone she seemed dead serious, and there was such sadness in her eyes. You were headed for an information overload with too much coming at you at once, there was too much freaky stuff going on and your mind still couldn't get a handle on things.
"What do you mean I'm going to die?" you yelled at her, the guys echoing your question. Her hand shot out towards you and she pinched your stomach.
"Pinch an inch-- well, more like two."
You covered your stomach and shrieked: "I am not fat!" turning red with embarrassment, one of your summer goals was to tone your not so muscular tummy.
"You're not healthy either," she responded simply, reaching into a green purse-thing and pulling out a caliper and calculator. You felt the pinch as she measured your arm and leg, but her movements were faster than you could see until she held up the calculator in front of your nose.
"That's your BMI, your percent body fat." You choked and fell over backwards, trying to get away from the number.
"But I'm not fat!" [At least it was less than thirty,] you tried to reassure yourself.
"But, you've got absolutely no muscle," she said pinching your biceps. "You can't fight like this."
"I'm going to be killed!" [Wait, why are they sending me someplace I can die if they're also trying to protect me?] But this was no time for deep thoughts as the kneeling woman added

"Unless..." "Unless what?" you snapped leaning forward.
"Unless you unlock your spirit energy and learn some pretty powerful spells."
"What, you think I can't?" you sneered at her. She made it sound like such an unlikely occurrence.
She turned to glance at the toddler. "That's what you wanted to hear isn't it? Now I'll be off to find the poor child a room and have Dobenezumi write her an award winning essay." She stood up slowly and walked out, leaving everyone gaping. [Wait, was she just trying to get me to agree to work, or was she serious? And what the Hell is going on here? I never agreed to any tournament, I didn't even agree to stay here!]
yeah! I'm going home! *looks for exit*
I'll try my best at this tournament thing!
well it could be fun *evil grin, looks for weapons*
The boys relaxed a bit as the toddler left and began talking about the tournament. Kurama was trying to explain the finer details to you while Yusuke and Kuwabara kept interrupting him. "It's useless you know," Hiei spat. You bounced up and headed right for him.

"Lily! Whoa, no!" Yusuke called trying to catch hold of you.

"You can shut the fuck up you whinny little piss-ant!" You shouted getting up in Hiei's face.

"Back off woman."
"No, not until you take that stick out of your ass or at least keep your haughty little shitwad comments to yourself fucker." By the look he gave you 'shitwad' either didn't translate, or translated badly.
"Girl, you are a novice, you have no idea what's going on, and with how thick you are, you probably never will."
You were at a breaking point from the stress and the last comment was the last straw. You hadn't punched anyone in years, but before you realized what you were doing, you had made a fist and were pulling back to strike. "Lily NO!" Yusuke shouted, grabbing hold of your arm and yanking you backwards just as Hiei pulled a sword from thing air and swiped at you.
"Lemme at him! Hey, ge'off! Lemme at the brat! I'll cream him!"
"You know I saw a show called 'Jerry Springer' once, the people on it acted a lot like this," Kuwabara mused and Kurama nodded in agreement.
"Lily, that was not a good idea," Yusuke drawled, leading you towards the door. "That was a Very bad idea." Hiei was standing perfectly still, the sword still in his hand as he gave you a death glare. You stuck your tongue out at him. Yusuke put you out in the hallway and told you to stay put. You kicked the wall in annoyance at not having been able to hit the dress wearing freak.

Of course you weren't really that annoyed at Hiei, though his comments were insulting he had a point. You were upset at everything that had happened, and still could only half believe what was going on. The easiest outlet had been to attack the one who was attacking you. But then again, you never took crap from anybody, and who was this little guy to go insulting you like that. You sat down on the floor and began taking deep breaths. There was a slight noise and you looked up to see this ogre thing hovering in front of you. He nervously shifted from one foot to the other. "Miss Lily Romano?"
"Yeah?"
"Lady Mitsuko has picked out a room for you, she would like you to go there now so that you may 'check it out.'" He looked more than nervous, something verging on fear was in his eyes, but he didn't seem scared of you.
"So just where might this room be?"
"If you will follow me please," he turned and started shuffling down the corridor. You stood up and glanced back at the waiting room, wondering if you should tell the guys where you were going. [Eh, they wanted me gone and now I'm going, so it doesn't matter if I tell 'em,] you thought before following the ogre.

"Hey Lily, we're gonna go get ice cream! Lily?" Kuwabara called, coming out of the waiting room five minutes later. "Hey guys, uh, she's gone!"
"What?" Yusuke yelled, coming out as well. "I thought you said she--hey, where's Lily?"
"I don't know Urameshi! That's what I'm trying to tell you!"
"You big dolt! You lost her!"
"Me? You're the one who left her out here! What if she's been stolen?"
"She probably saw you coming and ran!"
"Bakas. Kurama, can you smell where she went?" Hiei cut in.
"I believe she went that way," the red-head said pointing in the direction you'd gone.

"Oh, hello again," you said on seeing the woman on the landing as you made your way up the newest flight of stairs.
"Hello Lily-dear, my how you're huffing and puffing."
"Well there were six flights to go up," you said stepping towards her.
"Hmm well this is the seventh level above ground. We house the males of Koenma's department down there," she pointed off to your left where a long hallway stretched into oblivion. There were several little maid carts, like you see in hotels, as ogres (male or female you couldn't tell) in little uniforms bustled between open doors. "Over to our right we have more living spaces: kitchens, rec rooms, living rooms, libraries, usually people stake out their favorites and make friends with the other people hanging around. The boys have staked out a living room and kitchen which I'm sure they'll show you sometime. That closed door right on the other side of the stairs goes to my private living room, no one enters without my permission on pain of torture and banishment to the demon plane," she said with a bright smile.
"Riight." [And just when i was begining to think she was getting less crazy...]
"We never were properly introduced, my name right now is Bouboakuma Mitsuko (Mitsuko being my 'first' name, but you can call me Miti if you want) and I am the Chief of Spirit World Intelligence. Koenma is in charge of Spirit Detectives (his personal pets) and other Spirit World law enforcement activities that take place mostly in the human world."
"Lilith (Lily) Romano, high school student, but you already knew that." She smiled kindly and continued with the tour.
She pointed out Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei's rooms going from right to left, two on each side of the hall, before dragging you up one final flight of stairs. "And here's your room! Nothing to hold your breath over I'm afraid," she sighed, walking to the door at the top of the stairs and throwing it open. One large window with basic off-white blinds, no curtains; a full bed with nightstand, oak; a dresser, oak; one arm chair, beige; walls, off-white, carpet, beige; one closet--pretty big and pretty empty. "The bathroom is five doors down that way," she said, leaning out the door and pointing left. "My room is two and that big gap the other way, door's almost always unlocked, but God help you if you come in when I'm cranky, which is always. I will so be getting the painters up here pronto, you think about colors for a while."
"Sounds good. What else is on this floor?"
"Women's dorms, so pretty much all of Spirit World's messengers. Botan, who you've yet to meet is all the way down the other end past me, she's peppy, she's friendly, she's death herself."
"Riight, um, so I get my stuff...?" you said, slightly weirded out.
"You'll understand what I'm saying later. You get it as soon as we finish the paperwork, So--I've got to run. You stay here, don't get lost, I or one of my minions will be by shortly. Don't go anywhere!"
"I won't, I promise."

And she was gone, leaving you the off-colored room. You took a running jump and flopped backwards onto the bed, then kicked off your shoes and stood up. The bed was very bouncy and having nothing better to do, you started jumping up and down, trying to touch the ceiling. "Woohoo!" you called after slapping the off-white/beigeiness above your head.
"Woohoo?" four voices echoed from your door. Freezing in surprise you almost fell off the bed but flailed dramatically at the last second and fell backwards onto your ass. All four guys were standing there, staring at you. "Lily! You can't just break into people's rooms and trash their stuff!" Yusuke exclaimed.
"What? This is my room f00l! Ph34r the girliness!" They stared blankly. "My room...since I have to stay here cuz I'm a danger to family and friends. Miti's sending painters soon."
"Right, well come on, let's go see what you know," Yusuke said enthusiastically.
"Sorry, no can do. I have to stay here. But I can tell you what I know about fighting: zip, zero, nadda." His face dropped and the others looked depressed.
"Miss Lily? Master Dobenezumi requests you downstairs," another ogre called urgently from the door.
"Coming!" You jumped off the bed and pushed past them to follow him down the hall.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"To get my stuff and say 'bye' to my parents! --I think," you called back over your shoulder.
I don't wanna say bye to my mommy and daddy!
meh, time for some freedom form the old folks
"My brain hurts," you groaned and fell over sideways on the couch, curling up into a fetal position.
"Miss Lily, are you all right?" Kurama asked coming over.
"Don't worry about the tournament," Yusuke said. "It'll be fun."
"I'll protect you from all danger!" Kuwabara posed.
"What exactly does this tournament involve? I mean from the way kitty said I was going to die it seems like there's some sort of fighting involved."
*Group Anime Fall*
"We are doomed," Hiei muttered.
"Well maybe if you stopped complaining about a situation I like even less than you because I'm the one getting screwed and stopped for five seconds to explain what it is I'm expected to do you wouldn't be so doomed, bitch." He looked at you in surprise and the others looked around nervously.
"What did you say human?"
"I called you a bitch, you whinny little runt. All you've done is complain. Now somebody please, tell me what this tournament is before I figure out some of these spells and blast you all!" Koenma trotted behind Yusuke but Kurama chuckled.
"Don't worry Miss Lily, you'll be fine. The tournament will involve teams from the human world and demon world competing in seven rounds of fighting. One member from each team will face off at a time and there are to be five matches per round. I do not know all the rules yet, but it seems killing your opponent is allowed but not encouraged. But you have no need to worry," he continued seeing your face. "I'm sure you will be able to handle any opponents once you have reached your potential."
"She won't reach what little potential she has in so short a time," Hiei quipped.
"Now listen here shorty, you don't go talking about a lady like that!" Kuwabara intervened on your behalf.
"Wait wait, so its like, we go there to fight these people?" They all sweat dropped. "What's the point of that, is it like a martial arts competition, or boxing, or wrestling?"
"What's the point?!" Yusuke yelled. "What's the point?!?! Fighting is the point!"
Kurama cleared his throat. "The point is to defeat your opponents, as in any competitive sport, it is comparable to a boxing match, but there is no specific style of fighting required."
"Why do you guys sound so weird when you talk?" you asked rubbing your head in frustration. "I can understand you perfectly, but its like I'm hearing double and the other thing I'm hearing isnt English."
"That's because we're not speaking English!" Kuwabara laughed. "We're speaking Japanese!"
"mommy," you squeaked.
"Don't worry," Koenma said soothingly as he came forward. "I can explain. You see we have a universal translator which works automatically to translate a spoken language to something that can be understood by another person." He reached out and gave a slight tug on your earlobe. Before you could swat him away he drew back holding what looked like a little hearing aid on the palm of his hand. "I thought in case of emergency it would be best for you to be able to understand them as well as them being able to understand you," he said very slowly and clearly, as if he had to think of each word. Yusuke said something in a staccato of sounds that were completely unrecognizable to your ear. You frowned and stared at him as he repeated himself and Kuwabara answered. "Put it back in," Koenma said waving the translator under your nose.
You picked it up and stuck it back in your ear in time to catch: "-yeah I like the blonde hair, its cute yu' know; maybe Keiko should... hey, can you understand us again?" You glowered at Yusuke and he gulped.
"Wait, so how'd this thign get in my ear in the first place?" You looked around in confusion and they all looked around in embarassment. "What didi you do?!"
"Hiei stuck it in your ear when you were sleeping," Yusuke muttered quickly.
You gritted your teeth and glared at them all.
"I have work to do, unlike the rest of you, so behave yourselves," Koenma said as he waddled out of the room.
thinking: I'll kill them all when he leaves the room, then sneak into his office, hill him and take a portal down to thier weaposn locker......
koenma looks like he's got a diaper wedgie
ew, they saw me when i was sleeping? so Creepy!

Woo! Number three! And number four will be out as soon as i can type it and put it out, no lhd in between since that one's ahead right now. The next one will show the parents (woo! a kinda normal family life!) and the begining of Yusuke's idea of teaching, (haha!). So make sure to come back! ^_^