Just another poem full of unanswered questions

if i could tell you what i think,
heres what id say:
id say i hate you
id say its all your fault
id say ill never need you
id say dont bother coming around again
id say leave me alone
id say i never want 2 see you again
but what i wouldnt say is the truth
that i dont hate you...i love you as much as i dont want to
i cant help it
that i regret whatever it was i did to make you hate me
that i wonder what it was that really did happen
that im sorry for not calling in that past months
that i wish you would call me
that i wish youd forgive me
that i do need you dad
that it feels like theres a hole in me
that maybe it isnt all your fault
maybe i just tell myself it is to blame some1 other than me
that i have so many questions..
but you wont call
and i wont call
maybe we're both just too stubborn..
mayb it was all just a big misunderstanding...
i dont quite know..
so we'll just keep going through this non-talking stage
...will it last forever?
idk if i can last forever without you dad.
i never really knew you too well,
but w/ not knowing you makes it harder.
the unknown is always hard to grasp i think..
so the big question: is it really my fault?
did you really say i was lying?
were u lying?
is it my fault ur going back there?
i sure hope not..
i thot you said ud work on it!
maybe u just thought i wouldnt find out..
idk.....u confuse me..
do you ever think of me enough for me to confuse you??
do you even think of me enough to be disgusted of me?
or regret having me?
was i an accident?
i really wonder
so did you know all this time?
you know what im talking about
will i ever be able to trust you?
i really dont think so...
not with everything being the way it is..
i just wish we could talk things out..