Choose?

The flames have come,
And now they pass.
They leave a black hole that needs,
So I’ll give and I’ll give
Until there’s none left to give,
For what it needs, I’m scared to present.
I hate the fire for what it brings,
But I hate it more for what it leaves.
The flames they came,
My blood burned,
My skin itched,
My brain fogged with dark thoughts.
But that has passed and this is worse,
This pit wants flames,
It asks for gasses and matches,
It desires sweet release.
I hate the fire for what it brings,
But I hate it more for what it leaves.
My eyes ache,
My poison looks so good,
I want to drink it all.
My brain says no,
My body screams yes,
I can’t think straight.
Just a taste won’t hurt, right...?
I hate the pain for what it does to me,
But I hate it more for what it leaves.
Why is the pain more real than you?
Why do I crave for that which makes me sick?