Something I can never have

I feel suffocation
an embrace too tight
was first my sanity
but now bleeds true my insanity
cruching my lungs
keeping the air from them
seeming submerged
drawing quick my last breaths
but fears - my hopes come to me broken
as new pleasures arrive
pain in panic
are all I mean to derive
is it possible for one to last so long?
a record broken
spins only in half circles
my demise, perhaps
will reward me anew, with a drop of O2
as six feet calls deep and offers a freedom at greater than a pace