Have you ever been scared shit less?
I have.
Every second of my life.
I nearly give myself whiplash turning my head every which way to inspect every part of the room when I'm alone.
Sitting on the couch hugging my knees to my chest.
Trying to stop the tears and sobbing noises coming from within me.
Trying to stop the tears, that are now stained black by my eyeliner and mascara, from spewing out of my now red eyes.
I need her here with me right now.
To calm me.
To assure me everything is fine.
I stand up, my legs violently shaking.
I walk over the the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.
Grab the sleeping pills.
I pop three into my mouth and wash them down with a big gulp of water, In hope of actually sleeping tonight.
I walk back to couch in living room.
I look up at the clock.
9:00 p.m.
Still two hours until she gets home.
Still two hours until she can calm me.
Still two hours until she can assure me everything is fine.
The thought makes my eyes sting with tears again.
Worry, fear, and paranoia fill my body once again.
I glance up at the clock once more.
9:53 p.m.
I can barely read the clock through my blurry, teared eyes.
Only about an hour till she gets here.
My eyelids start to feel heavy and they slowly drift closed.
Just as fast as they closed they shot back open.
My whole body tensed up as I heard the sound of a car door slam shut.
I squeeze my eyes shut and pray to God.
The minutes go by as slow as years.
Oh, God why do you torture me like this?
This is how I feel everyday.
It's like a nightmare i can't escape.
The only bright side is she'll be here in about an hour...
Just an hour...
I have.
Every second of my life.
I nearly give myself whiplash turning my head every which way to inspect every part of the room when I'm alone.
Sitting on the couch hugging my knees to my chest.
Trying to stop the tears and sobbing noises coming from within me.
Trying to stop the tears, that are now stained black by my eyeliner and mascara, from spewing out of my now red eyes.
I need her here with me right now.
To calm me.
To assure me everything is fine.
I stand up, my legs violently shaking.
I walk over the the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.
Grab the sleeping pills.
I pop three into my mouth and wash them down with a big gulp of water, In hope of actually sleeping tonight.
I walk back to couch in living room.
I look up at the clock.
9:00 p.m.
Still two hours until she gets home.
Still two hours until she can calm me.
Still two hours until she can assure me everything is fine.
The thought makes my eyes sting with tears again.
Worry, fear, and paranoia fill my body once again.
I glance up at the clock once more.
9:53 p.m.
I can barely read the clock through my blurry, teared eyes.
Only about an hour till she gets here.
My eyelids start to feel heavy and they slowly drift closed.
Just as fast as they closed they shot back open.
My whole body tensed up as I heard the sound of a car door slam shut.
I squeeze my eyes shut and pray to God.
The minutes go by as slow as years.
Oh, God why do you torture me like this?
This is how I feel everyday.
It's like a nightmare i can't escape.
The only bright side is she'll be here in about an hour...
Just an hour...
