Dreaming of you (I love you, Jason)

I slowly walk home
crying silently all the way
because the thought of him crosses my mind.
I grab hold of that sacred necklace,
the one I've never taken off
since he'd given it to me.
I remember the last good time we had,
the last stupid argument,
the last "I love you, Jason."
That home is not a home
without someone there
and I have no one, now.
I sit silently beside the window
looking out, at the horizon
wishing on nothing, for something impossible to happen.
I dry my tears
and sit, feeling empty inside once again.
It's not as if he could have changed the world for me, I tell myself.
He's not here
I want him to be here.
I need my brother back, so much now that it kills me.
It's like I'm not even there, anymore
My mind just floating away, somewhere new
somewhere I can never get hurt.
Then the pain comes back 1,000 fold
and I remind myself that I'm stuck here.
I cry silently once again, a little longer
Then fall into a deep sleep, to the peaceful serenity of my dreams.
Dreaming of him,
Hoping he'll be there when I wake up.
If only morning wouldn't come.