I Have To Cry

Free verse, not great, little rhyme, but pleeease read anyways. Thankss.
It comes from the heart, so there IS something to power this poem.
I wish that I could really do
What I truly want
It's not that I just want this
But it's what I need to move on
I can't move on so easily
And I know this was true love
Because all the times I look at you
I just want to die
And all the times I see her
I just want to die
And all the times I see the new girl
I just want to die
And I still couldn't do it yet
This thing I have to do
To move on
So I just wonder what is wrong with me
And what you see in HER
The girl that used to be so mean to me
The one whos "I hate" club
YOU used to be in!
And she's a poser!
At least, I think so.
She's mean
I can't stand her voice
And I can't stand yours
And at first I was so angry
I didn't want to die, I wanted to kill YOU
And then one night
I threw away the sand heart
You gave me once
And now it's at the bottom of a pond
And you know it's there too.
When I came back, I was no longer mad,
But I was sad
I was depressed and had to force a smile
And then I wanted to die.
I know I can move on
But I first I know I have to do what I can't
I have to cry.